Should I be patient or am I fooling myself?

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Dear Aspie guys,

I would love your advice please. I have been daying my aspie boyfriend for over two years. 11 months of that time was long distance. When I got back I thought we would spend more time together but he didn't want his individual activities threatened and was happy to see me 2 or 3 times a week with plenty of time apart on the weekend. I found it harder living close by under these circumstances; I felt more alone than I had when we were 1000kms apart the previous year. After 6 months of this, a distant job opportunity came up for me. I asked him if he had any future plans for us. He thinks that 2 years is not long enough to know whether you want a more permanent relationship and can't give me any guarantees for the future. I took the job thinking that would be the end of things but he says he is not ready to let me go - is there any point? I know he cares deeply for me and I for him, despite the usual relationship difficulties. He seems to be fearful of making the wrong decisions in many areas of his life and I think our relationship is another example of this. Should I hang in there or break off the girlfiend/boyfriend relationship and just be friends?

Thanks in anticipation.

I really don't see why should you get yourself hurt by his slowness/carefulness.
If he really hasn't thought about any future with you AFTER being in a distant relationship for a year...
You really shouldn't dance according to his whim for so long, and who knows how long will this keep up.

You really should have a serious talk with him to see if he could open up more.
I think he's just being waayyy too logical about this and maybe he's hoping you to be something else to suit his needs/preferences, but you are not so he's being careful.

Just talk with him, because this just feels like a waiting game while you are being tested/hurt and pretty much wasting your time.

Just my view though~

Perhaps he would prefer a long--distance thing.

I feel like after 2 years, if you can't see a future, you shouldn't be together.

It sounds like he wants an aspie relationship, very little time together, lots of online communication, but the label of BF/GF.

Everyone needs time to themselves, but it kind of sounds like you aren't enjoying this relationship and maybe it's time to talk to him and say that if it's not changing, you have to leave.

I think the advice and opinions in here are good so far

Anyone can say what they want in here, but ulitmately you will make up your mind and stick with it and you won't think twice after you make up your mind. Sure you will miss the guy if you choose to leave, but you will also wonder what else could have been if you stay. It's a tough choice, make the one that is right for you.

It sounds to me like he hasn't looked ahead towards the future. I think you need to have a chat with him about what he sees for himself in the future. I mean, you're either potentially a part of it or you aren't and if you're not you need to go your separate ways. Two years should be plenty of time to get to know someone, so it's reasonable to start testing the waters to see if a lifetime partnership is a good idea. If he's not sure at this point, you should discuss which steps you both need to take for him to find out.

I don't think he realises how it is affecting you. Does he?

Hey guys,
Thanks heaps for your replies. We've talked a lot about the future. He was thinking about living with me for a few months next year as a 'trial' but I'm not interested in that. Either you want to be with someone or you don't . You make the decision and then work things out or you stay single. I don't want to spend my time wondering whether or not I'm good enough to pass the test. I guess we'll just keep limping along until either we grow apart, one of us finds someone else or he decides he does want something permanent. It just goes to show that not everyone may want to be part of a committed relationship. I've had people suggest at other times on this forum that I don't put my life on hold for him but it's hard to walk away when you feel the opposite :(