Anxiety,depression, not to care about your mistakes too much

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Bad thing about anxiety and depression is that you are sort of growing into it.

And once you're in there it is difficult to exit again I think.

what most of us generally want I think is to have more friends
having a meaningful and "demanding" (= adequate to your skills) job
and to be better fitting into society

The problem though is, that once you're into either of those two
your symptoms will worsen (or thats what I think)

And thatll lead to even further rejection

There is now two questions going round in my head:

1) How do you exit those succesfully?

2) Obviously the problems wont vanish and youll quite easily return into them.
So how to keep the self confidence without getting broken on your mistakes again?

3) I used to be quite non caring about my mistakes. I was happier with that. But then I degraded into something where my mistakes really caused some "objective problems" e. g. by handling things at work wrongly. Being too suspicious with other people that you sense are not on your side. Theyll sense you're strange and this will weigh much more than whatever else youll do. So obviously youll have to find the golden middle way. As always. But thinking about yourself will put you always to a threat of falling for depression and anxiety again.

4) Once your "safe" youll keep unfocussing your attention on your mistakes, and youll do them again, so keeping the realistic trackup on those is important. How to avoid the destroying thinking about yourself being wrong and people being mean on you, people not understanding you? (Why cant they just leave us without ignorance punishment and accept us the way we are, a different kind of type of human beings?)
No wonder that many people like animals more than humans, because they will just do that. Were trying to be good at everybody. But as it seems this is just not enough, a thing that Ive never understood. On the contrary if you're too friendly you're suspicious, what a crap!

5) The reasons being afraid of something are mostly real, so how would you deal with something that youd know on beforehand can screw you when you're not paying attention like hell (and always figure out the right solution, which seems almost impossible even if you try very hard)

Any thoughts on those?

Well in my experience, you must focus on what makes you happy, not what others think of that, no matter what they say. It isn't easy, but train your brain not to care, listen to anti anxiety relaxation music in a quiet room and drink water and less caffeine to lower anxiety and stress. Then do what makes you comfortable, no matter what, no one is perfect, so why bother about your flaws. Your flaws make what you are, same with others and their ignorance. Ignorance makes people ignorant, so let them dip in their own juice and fear. I would want to fix my flaws, but why should I, when they are just a part of me. Not to please others conformity standards. Life is about being yourself, not a prisoner of society.

Hey,

thx for your answer. Just thinking back. It is really true what you say I feel. The happiest times in my life I just didnt worry about whatsoever.
But with jobs it is not really that just do what you like.

The problem for me has been almost always to make people understand what Im into. It was often so complicated that they didnt understand or actually more did not want to understand. I mean I really think about advantages and disadvantages a lot and not just following only my obsessions.
But still there is this abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz. And if you're off then you get into trouble. Im usually quite far off, because combining many things to one whole. Like to develop new ideas and things.

This is of course only the job perspective. There are many other things where you just cant let it go.

Its so boring if people dont understand what you're up to and dont see the advantages that I have worked out with myself in a broader picture.

But it seems this is getting more and more difficult, jobwise. Really considered just leaving from my university to work as a freelance scientist kind of thing. That aint work Im pretty sure.

OK now I am off from here from this freaking place, so thats really good. Let those stupid universities just go bast! I dont care. Theyll be screwed by politics and pseudo "bios" and "nanos" and other hip sciences, science as robotics. Now that is a bit ranting. But at least some aspects of that is true

But you know, the reason why i was in trouble is just because I didnt do abcdefg and because of that my phd takes a bit longer
I guess nobody here understood that. Probably will never understand. Quite many fail to see the situation and how absurd it actually is to work at a university, claiming expertise where there isn't very often. People just function like robots.

This is of course only job related things. But I think there are pretty many other things were you just cant let go things or relax because then youll make mistakes that have a real influence on your life after.

I know, society is screwed up to honest, even I revel in fear of others opinions when I'm happy and peaceful, yet brave and nervous. I don't like the fact, people put pressure on you, if we have our own tastes regardless if its the norm or out the norm. I'm brave to admit it I like alternative music and fashion and video games. So about the fact people care about time is just trivial. Not everyone has to catch up with the bandwagon and to fit in. Take your own pace with you and tell them you need more understanding and patience to successfully get it. We are wired differently inside. People judge us like book covers, but we are like books with lots of chapters before looking under the surface of us. Not a short story, but a philosophy book with chapters.

Well one of the worst is actually that people are not interested in anything else than their own well-being.

Theyd understand that from your perspective things are different and that some things are good for you. Then theyd admit that something needs to be changed.
But if youd go out for more general things, quite many just are not interested anymore.

And quite many dont want to hear anything negative, theyre just "positive junkies" and make fun about negative things that concern other people.
They just fail to understand what happens if you cant do things they can (mostly mentally related stuff) or dont want to do things theyd want.

I wish I could change the way I am often and that my anxiety and depression would seep away. But then I think about science and wonder if I would think about it so in depth and have spent all this time thinking about it. I most certainly would not have the views I have now, and that bugs me. I like who I am, and I like the things I research and the things I know... But when I am around people (or before/after social situation) I feel drained and wish I was different, normal. I don't think things would be so hard if people had more autism awareness. More of the people I have told thus far about this don't believe me, and I don't think a single one of them has researched the subject even though I try to tell them to do so all the time.

I want to escape to a parallel universe where Aspies are the majority.

Well it is about how our feelings and procedures are different isnt it. We think much more than that we use intuition or things related to automatic interpretation. We cant that well relate to things that are intuitive recognition based. I have the feeling we dont have capacities for those.
Perception is different.

And if youd try to interprete something like this then youll just get nervous, because youd have to use all your energy for that. Unpleasant feelings of being overloaded. If you try to follow a conversation while looking somebody into the face, then youll get all wrong, right?

Thinking is then the only way. And thinking is rational. Thus the more rational relations in ourselves. Also, to get things right, anyway youd have to use much more thorough thinking, thus scannning all "rational arguments" would be a coping strategy as well.

And, because you dont get it right, anyway, youll feel helpless sometimes. Youd realise there is something but you dont know what. Everybody wants to communicate and get it right with other people so...

People are just not aware of our limitations theyd interpret it as something different some ignoring kind of trait. And thats bad of course. Something like this it must be.
In the best case theyll understand you're different and interested just dont get it sometimes. Then theyd eventually like you for your positive sides.

I think it might be well positive to have some spectrum in yourself, but I am too far into it, such that Im too far off to not have any problems.

All these things are not very well researched I feel. So far wed know roughly what are the symptoms but not the cause and the development of our brains.
Theyd take only screenshots at certain times that do not show the development of our brain.

Our brain development must be really different from that of NTs, it specialises into completely other direction and serves other purposes. I think we develop into extremist thinkers, a result of the coping.

In the end its all about tolerance. To tolerate people that are different. Really important is to understand that we are not mean or ignorant or doing useless stuff.
Would really like to know how it feels like to have this superior feelings recognition kind of capabilities, because always thinking like hell is really really exhausting and straining...
And still youd get "punished" for being off, even if you try very hard.

Same counts for people that have other mental problems as well. Wouldnt be too surprised that you could develop into AS, or develop into a brain structure that causes some other problems, again and again. And being "punished" even if youd do something about it is really a bad feeling, a feeling that we probably share with other metally strained people.
I guess we could be their best friends, as they could be ours. Understanding and accepting each other is just on a different level then, because it bases on common feelings, on common ground.

Wed really need someone that sends us out for the challanges we can handle better than others, make use of our positive traits in this society. And then that would back us up from falling into the canyon or jumping accidentally in front of a car...
Well as long as this society is valuing the perfect fit more than the possibilities, we are going to have a really hard time.

Our brains certainly are different. Even though it is only a snapshot of one moment in time, I would love a brain scan, and to be able to compare it with some Neurotypical individuals to see the differences. One of those that shows the connections in the brain.

It is exhausting and stressful. Makes me feel like my essence is going to snap in half sometimes.

I agree, and have previously thought, that our vast obsession/interest in information and our special subject(s) was a result of the lack of social skills. Our brains did not do well with that aspect of the world so it focused solely on another. Information v.s Social

Yes and I think the developmental aspect is also really important. If you start training the brain differently early enough youd probably have less trouble.

Though, brain training is never too late, even if you're 99, youll still develop your brain around. Not that easily maybe.
But, people after a stroke, when they do not get their ass kicked, then theyd stay in that status of inability.
Our brains are amazingly flexible!

Well and sometimes I feel like Id be on a drug, not so clear as it could be. And sometimes Id return to clearness, feels so

That's good point you said. I'm positive myself and I don't really make fun of things that involve judging and calling others names. I may have rude moments but I have more respect and manners than cruel and shallow people. I bother about my well-being and my family and friends, not do trivial and pathetic things to hurt people, I'd more likely do it when I'm really enraged in the inside or betrayed and hurt.

Aspies are I guess really the last ones that would intentionally want to hurt someone. Well in rage or as a revenge ... I think aspies have also a pretty bad revenge obsession. Though, I dont think it really feels good after that. More like regretting it for being so stupid to be tempted by something that is so badly against inner conviction.

yeah yeah, ...

if youd take all our problems into account, we're pretty "normal" people aint we?

They did this exact thing to Temple Grandin's brain. She suffered from major anxiety: http://sfari.org/news-and-opinion/confe ... le-grandin

Yeah we are normal people, but only different in our brains and speech. I know most Aspies are unlikely to hurt people, some which are minority would bully other Aspies or non Aspies because they are nasty.

Happiness is overrated.

People treat negativity as a problem, but it needn't be anything of the sort. For all situations where you fail to change the world, you can simply adjust your perspective instead. There is no real difference between being happy and being sad. It is either the way you are or it isn't.

I'm "depressed", but I'm totally alright with it. It isn't any lesser for all that, but it goes with the body and it wouldn't be my body without it. And its emotions don't particularly concern me.

As for fitting in with society.... meh. Screw that. I occupy the space I do because I cannot move any further....
... but all I ever aspired to... was to be able to pick a fight with the whole world... and win.
Society is my enemy, and in the absence of the power to take it down, I'll just bide my time and gnaw at its roots.