How to overcome social phobias?

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I do not know how to show empathy for other people. It's there, within me, but I do not know how to let other people know that I want to hear what they have to say, and that I want to support the people I care about.

A lot of it could stem from the nonstop stream of bullying and "shut the **** up"s I got from my peers when I was a young child, and the "you don't know what you're talking about, you are incapable of caring about others" messages I got from my family.

I spent most of my adult life in a state of self-imposed isolation. I am trying to break out of it, but the tiniest sign of rejection from the world around me brings back to me two decades worth of early memories, all at once.

So, you could say I have some social phobias. I want to be a peer amongst peers, but I am so used to being knocked down into submission that I automatically expect that is going to be the outcome in any situation.

Heh.

I'd suggest a social group related to a special interest, if possible. For instance, if you like growing roses, you might try a rose society.

Sounds painful D:

Well, I'd say first step is possibly improving self-confidence. Once that happens, it'll be easier to get things started.

Maybe start with an online community? (Well, you're already here, but I don't know how else to word it xD)

I just finished talking with my therapist, and he strongly suggested that I start seeking out social ties outside of the addiction-recovery circles.

I think I just might give that a shot.

I understand that people are put off by my speech patterns and my tendency to be painfully/awkwardly honest at times. I do tend to stand out in some not-very-good ways because of those things.

I am extremely lonely and extremely bored, even more so now than when I was relying on Jim Beam as an emotional crutch. Honestly, it feels overwhelming. Even as I type this, it's overwhelming. I want to be amongst people, but as far as how to interact, I am afraid of failure most of the time. The times that I do reach out and it doesn't work out - those times only reinforce the fear.

I don't want to whine about this the rest of my life, though. I don't want to escape into addictive behaviors to distract myself from the core issues - that does not work. I don't want to find a means to an end, which was common for me in the past. I'm 33 now. I can most likely stretch my life out for about half a century from this point if I play my cards right. I want to do that, and I want to make the most of those years.

So, this is where I am at. I feel like I have a massive raw, exposed and infected nerve in place of a soul at the present moment, and most of that is because I don't know how to interact with people. Problems like this can have solutions. I want to work towards one.

here in australia, a famous aspergers therapist suggests we watch TV drama serials and study how the actors talk and relate to eachother
I have found eye contact very important when socialising, this can be frightening at first but can be practised at home by watching the TV newsreaders eyes and faces as they are looking straight at the camers and so looking at you, watch their face and eyes
any comments?

I had an acute social phobia when I was younger and it started to cease when I got a bit older. I dunno how exactly these things work, but growing old definitely helps one with his/hers AS. I guess.