Losing Interest in Trying to Connect

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Hi everyone.
I've noticed that I'm losing interest in trying to act NT; trying to connect with others. I have "acted" normal all my life. I have to "act normal" all day at work and engage people. I'm now 42 years old and am losing interest in acting normal on my off time. When I'm "acting normal" on my off time, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. When I'm not "acting normal", I feel so much more "myself". The down side (if you can construe it as a "down side") is that I'm less interactive with friends and family; but I don't think I really care anymore.

Anyone else lose interest in trying to connect over the years or after discovery of being an Aspie?

I am perhaps not the best to reply to your question, considering I was diagnosed at a young age, but I'm curious: what set off this loss of interest in connecting that you describe?

What I can say about myself is that it my need to connect with others and/or to socialise has fluctuated heavily from my teenage years onward. I'm currently at a socialising low. I have very little interest in activities that involve the company of others. I limit it to my work, but during my downtime, I prefer to be alone.

I have lost interest in attempting to "act/be normal." I like being me...without the baggage that "normal" brings.

Allow the people to get to know who you truly are.

For me it has less to do with giving up on acting normal and more to do with accepting that I need more solitude than most people. I "grew up" believing that if only I was popular and social, my life would be better. I wasted decades of my life trying to be popular and social. Now I realize my life is better when I don't try to force things all the time.

I can understand the not caring about being normal but not wanting to connect?

You really don't want to have at least one person you can talk to?

I enjoy solitude as well but I can get too much of a good thing. If I'm alone too much my own thoughts, feelings, and issues start to get bottled up and my mental health suffers. I get really depressed because all my problems start to overwhelm me if I can't share them with anyone.


Even having AS doesn't take away the need for at least a certain level of human contact for me. I might not need as much as most people but I still need some.


Are you saying that you don't?

I don't want isolation. I'm married. Marriage is more give and take; take turns. Being careful that it's my turn or not is getting hard to deal with. It's a dept of intimacy I've "tried" to achieve over the years, but I don't think I'm capable. I've been through A LOT of therapy to try to "get it". I've been through the motions of trying to "get it", but I just don't. I don't think I'm capable of just "getting it".

The friends that I've kept over the years - we've never really "kept score" as to whether or not the exchanges are "even". If I want to yammer on with no regard to allowing my friends to take a turn, my friends have been okay with it and vice versa. When I'm feeling quiet and not interactive my friends have been okay with taking over the yammering on and on and on.

Needless to say, I don't have many friends as this isn't a "normal" friendship; but it works for us. I have two friends like this. One I've known since kindergarten and one since 10th grade.

I don't really know what I'm getting at. I'm just losing interest in trying to make more out of what I have; trying to connect with those that I don't already have a connection with. It's been so much work and it's exhausting.

I think I can understand, although I am on a bit of a different life path. I am on vacation now, and when I am talking with people all day long, I get tired. I also tire my family out too with all my talking. Also, the town where I now work and live is so small--if I am weird in public, believe me, news would travel. fast. If it is just for your sake, then that is one thing. Sometimes giving it a rest can be a bit of a good thing, though not for long. If it is for your partner, then that is a different story. I am no expert on that, but maybe you could schedule some dedicated "rest and recharge your batteries" time?


I am single but have thought good and hard about how we could work it out if I ever meet someone to marry?

I think it means that you are accepting yourself - the fact that you were born neurologically different from the majority.

In my case I have never successfully "acted normal". Even though I tried, I was still not normal and hence was always an outcast wherever I went. It's been tough, but the knowledge of AS made me realize there's no point in trying any more. So, I have stopped "trying to act normal", which never worked any way. It might look negative because I have stopped bothering to try to greet most people or smile at most people. Trying such things doesn't make any difference.

As for connecting with people, I think I come to WP online because that gives me a sense of connection with people though I don't feel a true connection, but still it's good enough. I do have a few people in real life that I could probably call friends, with whom I spend time once in a while. Without them, honestly, I'd be very depressed. So I appreciate them. And of course I have my parents and siblings though they live far away.