Sex and Friends

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I am a 20 something year old female who cannot seem to maintain any functional long-term relationships (sexual and/or non-sexual). I rely very heavily on my sex-appeal to make "friends". The "friends" I have currently are predominantly men (surprise, surprise) that I sleep with, have slept with, or that have some sort of vested interest in me sexually. I would really like to be able to have friends who I am not involved with sexually, but I am just clueless. I do not have any female friends, and when I am around women I am very, very uncomfortable. Historically, when I have made attempts to reach out to other women, I have very quickly been shut down. The only female friends I have had were equally damaged if not more damaged than myself (one was a con-artist), and even that is a rarity. I guess I take what I can get. It feels like my attempts to "reach out" to others socially is an honest one, even if I often find myself resorting to sex in a desperate attempt to make a connection with another person. I am sure I come off as a "crazy whore" to most who have been intimate with me. The realization that I actually do not have any "friends", and that I may not ever be able to form meaningful relationships is agonizing. I am very lonely, always have been, and it seems that no matter what I do, my interactions with people always leave me feeling unfulfilled and ultimately alienated. Isolating myself is sometimes the easiest course of action, not because I like being alone, but because it is, well, simply less painful. Sometimes being around people only makes me feel more alone. I remember growing up and having lots of cats.. Cuddling them...being present with them...it just never felt like enough. I distinctly remember wanting to "absorb" them. Maybe then I wouldn't feel this way. Even here, I don't entirely feel like I "belong". I really do feel like I am on the wrong planet.

I wish I could give you a big hug, but Iam on the other side of the Ocean.

I realised that I don't really have any women that are pure platonic friends. I guess I am only interested in them if they attract me by either their appearance or sometimes their great personality but usually in a combination of their voice that I find comforting. I tried making friends with different women and just pure friendship. But I would always find fault, like their voice is irritating me or what they say irritates me. I don't know what to say or why I am evening commenting on this thread. I do have a friend at work, that isn't scared when listening to me. He says, he is used to dark humour and finds me entertaining sometimes. I usually ask a billion questions and he didn't seem to mind. I liked bouncing stuff of him. I tried doing it here, but it failed miserably. I just got basically told how I shouldn't be. My mother can't make any friends either, she always whines in my ears about it. I guess male friends will have to do for now until you can figure out how much lying you need to do to fit in. It is so difficult in public to approach people and say, hi, do you want to be my friend. That's sure as hell not going to work. Have you tried joining activity meetings, e.g. meetup.com type with similar interests? I'm not sure if I am making a friend who is a woman friend, or if she is interested in me. I really don't know what's going on 99% of the time.

I used to have issues making friends when I was younger but it's pretty easy for me now. When I first moved to LA, it seemed slightly more difficult to make friends (I totally understand where you're coming from actually), but I began growing a circle of friends after I met just a few of the right people.

I think, at least based on my time here,, asperger's aside, Los Angeles is sort of a lonely city in general. And connecting in any way, even if it doesn't feel entirely right can seem more appealing than spending a lot of time alone. Sometimes you wonder if everyone you know just wants something from you. You've gotta find the right people though and you won't have that worry about that with them.

I personally think that maybe you just need to get a different group of friends; people who you can connect with on a deeper level; they do exist.

Have you lived here your entire life?

I moved out there for a job that disappeared and thought why stay out there way too expensive. Pervy passes dfrom other men. Just whack.

Wow, I can relate to you so freaking much. I used to have a lot of sexual partners myself because I loved the attention they gave me, until I met an amazing guy who loves me and truly appreciates me: and I realized I was worth more than that...and I know you are worth more than that. Even if these guys are nice to you, they are only connecting with you because you are giving them something that many women can give them...you need to be around people who like you for you.

You will need to step out of your comfort zone just a little if you want to be happy with yourself. Stop looking for respect and friendship through these men who clearly just use you for sex. When I was sleeping around, I considered these men my friends, but the only reason they were was because I had sex with them. That is not friendship, that is someone taking advantage of you. Just because it's fun for the moment but it isn't worth it in the long run...it is likely what is making you feel damaged and inadequate. Start looking for friends in other places such as work or school: and even start with platonic friendships with men if that's who you feel more comfortable with.