How to not be dependent

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Joined: 15 May 2012
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07 Mar 2013, 1:41 am

Hi forum,
I'm back and my bf recently broke up with me of a year and3 months of dating. He was my only friend and communicator. I shut out all my other friends now I need help being on my own again and not feel anxious when I see him. Any help?

uwmonkdm
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07 Mar 2013, 1:55 am

I'm in the same place as well, my girlfriend and I broke up Feb 13th, and I've pretty much been alone since.. I'm not sure what to tell you, is there anyone you can spend time with, maybe the friends you shut out? If they're good friends they'll forgive you for that maybe..
I don't mind being alone though, so I dunno, find a hobby/go to school?

Num4Myranda
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08 Mar 2013, 12:04 am

Idk I hang out with my guy friend that's it but I still feel lost

diniesaur
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09 Mar 2013, 12:22 am

I'd say get your old friends back! It sounds like you were in a manipulative relationship with your ex, whether you realized it or not. I'm sure they'll understand. One thing I've learned from my experience with my ex is who my real friends are.

alakazaam
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13 Mar 2013, 6:55 am

Get a cat. I heard they can talk.

richardbenson
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15 Mar 2013, 3:17 pm

Great question. you can live a better life, free from Dependency. (Of anything really.) boys, girls, drugs, sex. There are two parts of your brain:

your very primal instinctual part of the brain that does have its uses (mostley in the past.) and the intellectual part of the brain, (the part of the brain that makes you, simpley YOU.) Now that we don't really need the primal part of our brain however anymore and it has turned into the block party that your brain has always wanted. getting down, and trying to control the intellectual part of the brain. The primal part of the brain is very strong, but learn to master this badboy and you wont have any issues kicking a dependency habbit

nessa238
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15 Mar 2013, 5:40 pm

richardbenson wrote:

How exactly do you master the primal part?

aspiemike
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15 Mar 2013, 6:07 pm

nessa238 wrote:

richardbenson wrote:

How exactly do you master the primal part?

My personal suggestion for that would be spiritual healing.

nessa238
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15 Mar 2013, 6:26 pm

aspiemike wrote:

nessa238 wrote:

richardbenson wrote:

How exactly do you master the primal part?

My personal suggestion for that would be spiritual healing.

Do you mean going to church?

I already pray each night - that hasn't helped much with resistance though

I need to switch the primal part off completely

aspiemike
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15 Mar 2013, 6:48 pm

nessa238 wrote:

Do you mean going to church?

I already pray each night - that hasn't helped much with resistance though

I need to switch the primal part off completely

Nope.. being spiritual doesn't need a church and doesn't have to be religious. This might almost sound buddhist or hinduist... but meditation and silence for x amount of time each day. Clear your mind and focus on the energy your body feeds you. Turning off your primal part is damn near impossile, so don't resist it, just control it.

nessa238
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15 Mar 2013, 6:53 pm

aspiemike wrote:

nessa238 wrote:

Do you mean going to church?

I already pray each night - that hasn't helped much with resistance though

I need to switch the primal part off completely

I did look into Buddhism some years ago but it scared me as it seemed to be advocating negation of the ego which in my opinion is a bit dangerous

The meditation sounds a useful thing to do though

aspiemike
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15 Mar 2013, 7:01 pm

nessa238 wrote:

aspiemike wrote:

nessa238 wrote:

Do you mean going to church?

I already pray each night - that hasn't helped much with resistance though

I need to switch the primal part off completely

I did look into Buddhism some years ago but it scared me as it seemed to be advocating negation of the ego which in my opinion is a bit dangerous

The meditation sounds a useful thing to do though

you can never truly turn off the ego.. It`s always there. Just like the primal thing. Even some buddhist speakers and authors will even mention that the ego is something you can't turn off.

richardbenson
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15 Mar 2013, 7:42 pm

nessa238 wrote:

How exactly do you master the primal part?

Lots of practice. falling down, getting up until success. The primal part of your brain gives you strong urges to do things that are pleasurable. these come in all forms. A few Examples are Voices and "Cravings" Tell the primal brain no. I have found that with practice, once you reign in this beast The next time it wants YOU to do something for it, it simply doesn't have the power over you as it once did. Of course, Nobody is perfect and everyonce inawile we tend to go back to those pleasurable expieriances but atleast now it is more manageable.

nessa238
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15 Mar 2013, 8:07 pm

richardbenson wrote:

nessa238 wrote:

How exactly do you master the primal part?

My two main ones are food and sex with a person who is just a no-good out and out user

If can master those two I'll be very happy!

richardbenson
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16 Mar 2013, 1:39 pm

Good luck to you then. I have found when I look at the life I used to live (all that misery) you will never want to go back to that old way of life.
"hell" on earth really isn't that fun. Overcome whatever vice you have and you will see this, to expieriance this will change your life for the better way

aspiesandra27
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16 Mar 2013, 2:15 pm

I've often pondered whether I would be happier if I wasn't so passionate about certain things/people. I'd risk saying I would be less anxious and calmer, but not sure if happier.

It's often a double edged sword. I have to start living in the moment and not have so many expectations of the future. Maybe that's the secret?

We are all dependent on something or someone. I think for us Aspies it's just harder to admit it, as we are by nature solitary creatures.

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