Afraid someone is going to break in at night

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Hi Everyone,

I am new to all of this. My husband is also a member here, but I decided to join myself to see if we can tackle all things. More ideas, more possibilities, right?!

Our son usually sleeps fairly well through the night. When he does wake up, which is seemingly more right now, he has a hard time falling back asleep because he is afraid someone is going to break in. We have a big dog who is right outside of his room, but unfortunately as he pointed out last night in a cage. Oreo is still just a pup, so someday when he stops eating things and wandering he will be able to sleep in his room. I was up with him for 4 hours last night, while he rationalized every thought that I threw out to make him feel safe, and came up with an answer to why I was wrong, and he was unsafe. Finally I agreed to lie down with him and he fell asleep, hours after this dance began. I never slept with him, nor ever allowed him to sleep with us. He is afraid of being left alone, scared something might happen. Does anyone have experience with this and how I might help ease his fears about sleeping and being safe? He says this has been happening for a while now, and I am pretty sure it is true. We have a light on in the hall, and have stuck with our bedtime routine. Which we have learned over the years if it changes at all, our life is a wreck. He can't stop thinking about this when he is awake, because it is a truth. He is a very black and white kid. No grey.

Any help with this new found problem would be fantastic. Also, just curious if this is more of a problem with aspergers and kids or no?

Thank you everyone.

Were there any break-ins near where you live recently? Or maybe something on the news about an increasing frequency of break-ins?

Welcome! We were just discussing exactly this topic recently on another thread - check this one out. http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt225681.html
Long story short, you are not likely to be successful, as you have already surmised, in rationalizing with his fears without some outside corroboration of your statements. As an NT who suffers from panic attacks due to PTSD, logical rationalization doesn't help me much at all. I know in my head that my fears are irrational but the physiological response in my body is somewhat beyond my control. With much time spent in therapy, I am learning to gain some control. I use visualization of calming images (i.e. I go to my "happy place") to help keep my panic in check in anxiety producing situations.

Anxiety is a co-morbid with autism, so, yes, I would say that it probably is more common with aspies than NTs. Is there anything in particular that helps him relax in general that you have used before to help him self-calm in other situations? If he has a favorite object or something like that it might help a little.

As Mom said, we're trying to figure this one out together...

Bombaloo- you are right about the logical rationalization, he does not respond too well to that. Well, sometimes he will, but it seems to be temporary sometimes. More commonly in fact- he seems to even miss your point about knowing in his head that his fears are irrational though- he will not only rationalize his fears, he will also rationalize against any possible solution, and if he has an irrational thought, he will rationalize it in his mind so that his irrational thought is completely believed as rational.

If that makes sense...

ASDMommy- He does have his objects, they're not helping at all in this case. He will also usually fall asleep for a short period before he wakes up, then it is an issue...

DrHouse- no break ins that he knows about. We're not in a questionable area aside from the once in a while kids checking for unlocked cars. No rational reason for thinking that we are going to have someone come in.

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for all the help and answers so far. I know trying to get him to rationalize his fears is not an option. They are very real to him, as we are also trying to deal with real vs. non real. I just wish there was a way to get him back to sleep quickly without his brain going to these crazy things. And no we can't ever promise that it will never happen, because I know that is not a promise we can keep. He sleeps with his best friend triceratops every night, and that has and will not change anytime soon. That is another issue. Lol. I just know that I can not be up for 4 hours at night when he feels he can not be left alone because he is not being protected, and he should not be nor dad either. Ahh! I know this will too pass as something new arises, and I do think it is worse when he is over tired and over stimulated at bedtime. It just always happens at the worst time, for everyone! I just wish I could help more than I can, as we all do.

Some info here: http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2012/06 ... worry.html

Not sure if this would work in our case though, as they are more of an ebb and flow type of thing I suspect. But, maybe not- he may have constant thoughts about this, but only lets it outwardly bother him once in a while. Probably need to find out if something triggered him, but there could be a few things I suppose. His Charter School is not in the best location, but it's not next door by any means- he has a decent drive to get there. He knows that the area isn't necessarily the safest by the school. Our frank discussion about that might have been a trigger since there was a large 'bust' of a street gang in the last month. Maybe that contributed something to it whether he says it does or not. Maybe a back of the mind thing...

I am not an Aspie, but this has been a lifelong phobia of mine. I am 39, and still wake up in the middle of the night and want to check the door locks or investigate noises (or not).

It doesn't worry me every night, but when it does . . . whew.
The only thing that has helped me is to make sure I do my 'list' check before going to bed--deadbolt, etc. And not sleeping alone helps my security issue. Yet, logic doesn't always help me either. I have less anxiety about it now that we live in an apartment complex with a security guard and locked apartment entry lobbies.

Anyway, phobias are phobias and will often remain for life. What is important is that they don't run away with you and immobilize you. So, I'd say give him a safe place to go to with his fears (you, God, whatever), and help him learn how to keep them in check.

What to Do When You Worry Too Much (Kids guide to anxiety) may be a good book to go through with him.