A different 4 Stages of Aspergers – Where are You?

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I read an interesting blog post describing the 4 Stages of Aspergers. See http://qw88nb88.wordpress.com/2008/11/2 ... o-through/

I have included the stages below:

I was just recently diagnosed. I am at Relief. Where are you and what do you think of these stages?

<--- Validation. Sort of my "get out of explaining myself free" card.

Momentum- certainly... It's within that stage to need the requirement of assistance in various areas of life. Progress also in coming to terms and learning exactly in great detail how its affect me and to adjust life around it.

There is a fifth stage in which you get to share your experiences and adaptations so others don't have to re-invent the wheel.

Been there, done that...

<-----all but mostly momentum


They don't seem as much stages to me as simply different moods after diagnosis.

In some cases you may find, as I did, that there is very little feeling of validation, if no-one is interested in the diagnosis. I explained the scenario to my brother, and he changed the conversation. My mother thinks she understood me anyway, but is well off base a lot of the time. Girlfriend, has shown some remorse about being harsh and critical, yet continues to be so. No-one else gives a s**t, naturally.

I am currently endeavouring to move on irrespective of this lack of support.

The diagnosis has still been very good for my own understanding of myself.

I am at trying to get an official diagnoses.

This is my experience also. It's hard to experience something so ground shaking and, yet, have other find it almost dismissive. I don't understand that at all - Do they not agree? Do they think it's not a big deal? It is bad news? good? envious perhaps? ? Maybe we are not able to relate it's importance well - or at all?

It's something I don't think I'll quite understand any time soon. Let me know if you have any insights.

(this could, and perhaps should, be it's own thread)

Quite likely--it is so unlike anything they have experienced or thought about that they don't have anything to say.

Perhaps, but would that not incite at least some semblance of interest in the subject matter? Like a question or two.

I guess another question would be: What do dismissive reactions to your diagnosis mean? How are we to take that?

BUT DON"T ANSWER that. I am going to make a new thread so we don't hijack this one (and more than we have).

NEW THREAD HERE

Went through relief and currently in validation. My deep depression prevents me from going into momentum.

Tomas73 Thanks for the reply.

Interestingly, this seems similar to my experience so far (with everyone but my wife, who has been both supportive and understanding).

My parents (who are both in their 70s) knew I was going through an evaluation. During the process (which lasted for ~ 2 months – from the time I made the appointment until the time I received the diagnosis ) they regularly asking me how the process was proceeding. When it was over, I told them the diagnosis. There was silence. I figured they would want to learn more about what Aspergers is (since they were clueless). I even lent them my copy of Tony Attwood’s Book ("The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome"). My guess is that they think I am using this as an excuse (for what I have made of my life, how I have raised my kids, the fact that I am now unemployed).

My sister didn’t understand why I spent so much time dwelling on this topic or wanted a formal diagnosis. She asked, “Why can’t you just move on?”.

Another family member (who is a Psychologist) spent a lot of time talking to me about my suspicions of Aspergers. He was one of those “old school” Psychologists, trained many years ago (before Aspergers was a formal diagnosis). I believe he thought I was Schizoid with Depression (and possibly co-morbid with General Anxiety Disorder and OCD). Anyhow, when I told him my diagnosis, he was skeptical. He thought it would be a good idea to meet with a therapist who would confirm whether I actually had Aspergers.

In any event, as you said, the diagnosis has still been very good for my own understanding of myself.

I self diagnosed at 46. By this time I had already overcome life and work.

I was relieved as soon as I heard the diagnosis.

My validation stage was simply me searching (reading books and every online article I could find) to identify just what Asperger's was. At no point have I ever felt different to everybody else. Others see a difference in me, but I can't see a difference in me.

Momentum was underway as soon as I discovered that I "may" have Asperger's.

Camaraderie; it wasn't until I found this forum that I've had any camaradarie with anyone regarding Asperger's.

As per Tomas73; nobody gives a s**t. This is a solo adventure only.

PS: I should also point out that my diagnosis was only 4 months ago. Between my original discovery of the possibility of Aspergers to a diagnosis was 4 weeks.

Asperger's to me is nothing more than a "reason" behind the things I do or how I react. It doesn't control me as such, I simply am what I am, and do what I do.

I don't find myself at any of those stages. I do not have an official diagnoses and may never get one because of financial issues. I posted here a long time ago but left because I felt as undiagnosed I was stepping on toes of 'real' aspies, and some people expressed that in no uncertain terms. If I had to label a stage for myself it would be despair. A long time ago there was a thread about some aspies having a 'breakdown in middle age'. That is where I am. It is all about work and my inability to communicate with my species. I find it exhausting. I worked 7 nights a week for 3 and a half years with only 2 days off a year, cleaning a medical building just so not to have to communicate with humans. I hate it and fear it.. I think it's so overwhelming because of trying so strenuously to master it and other aspects and then when you find out it all just comes crashing down and you realize it will NEVER get better. I mean this purely in a financial way. I have made minimum wage almost my entire life. I always thought it would get better, and I would 'get it figured out, but it hasn't and I haven't. Sorry so negative. If it didn't affect me on jobs I would not care, i.e. if I was indepently wealthy I would not be here complaining. But working with people especially NT females, for me, is the kind of torture Torquemada would look at with envy

GregCav Thanks for the reply.

As someone who prefers to be alone much of the time, I agree. Yet, for some odd reason, I wish my family members were more interested. Not certain why.



Looking back, the pain I experienced as both a child and an adult can be attributed to me trying to live the life of a neurotypical. My parents tried to raise me as a neurotypical child. I, myself, tried to live a neurotypical life as an adult (heavily influenced by my parents). It was painful, as I was not successful. I can stop that now. I now feel free to follow your path. Thanks.

Validation, not that it matters. It put me on disability but now the majority of my family are envious that I get money each month without working, after having worked for over 40 years prediagnosis. Now I am called moocher, parasite and every other derogatory name on earth. So now I am really seriously alone, in every conceivable way.