Help With Girl

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I'm 16 year old guy and in high school and AS. I like someone (suprise). She's a friend of mine, but NONE of my friends know about my AS, they just think I'm weird. Anyways, she's only been my friend for a year (I made most of my friends last year, until then I had very few) and I think she likes me too. but just won't say it. She's never dated and I haven't either and so my question is, what do I do? I want to date her, but I'm not sure how to approach her. I'm al ways afraid I'll ruin a friendship or embarass myself. Oh, and on Valentines Day I gave her her chocolates (Romantic?) because she mentioned liking them before. It was in homeroom and I just placed them in front of her (we sit at the same table) and said something like "here, I got you some chocolate." I had a scene playing in my head all the day and it didn't have me saying anything like that. Going on, her reaction was priceless. She wasn't even looking in my direction (oops!) and seem suprised to see them in front of her and asked if they were for her. I said "yeah" as my voice turned into a pile of undescribable mush and agony. I choked completely. Then, she asked if I got some for another female friend we share a class with. Of course, I said I didn't and all she did was look at me like I was some sort of alien. Anyways, life went on, and because we share a class and homeroom, I still talk to her every day. A few friends know that I like her, and don't have any advice. I need some serious help here. This might me a bad place to ask and most people I know in real life wouldn't bother listening or reading a story this long. Anyways, please give some advice on how to approach without losing my mnid.

I'm a 17 year old girl, so I should be able to help you out with something like this. (Yeah, right. ) I'll give it a shot though.

From her reaction after you gave her the chocolates it is difficult to tell whether she likes you more than a friend or not. I'm assuming that she changed the subject to the other girl because she could tell that you were embarassed. Of course, her reaction could have meant many different things, and I wasn't there to witness it, so I can't really give advice about that.

I'm not really sure how you should approach her. My suggestion for a date would be go to a movie. If you're not sure how she will react, sound make it seem very casual when you are asking her. ('What are you doing this weekend?' 'I was thinking about going to see...' 'Would you like to come with me?')

That way you two can do something together, and it doesn't involve a whole lot of social interaction. Also if the two of you go to the movies alone, she might be able to get the hint. That takes the pressure off having to say 'I like you' right away, which would be pretty awkward.

If she only likes you as a friend, seeing a movie is pretty safe because friends go to the movies too. That way you don't have to worry about ruining your friendship.

I hope I could help. Good luck, Sarcastic_Name! I'd like to hear how this turns out.

I forgot to mention that every time I mention weekends she says that she is busy. I believer her because she is in IB (all classes are insanely hard and advanced).

Okay,now, I'm almost 15 and I'm a girl and I have 5 people who like me so I geuss I should know a bit about these things.

Try to be nice to her and do little things for her (like pulling out a chair for her,offering a jacket for her if it's cold),and in the mean time work up what you're going to say to her.Then ask her out,but don't be so anxiuos or hasty.Be prepared if she turns you down though.It happens.

I would like to ask a quick question since Im in the same situation and we are on the topic. How exactly do you go about with the date to the movies. This is something I never really got.

Being 16 if its not in walking range my parents have to drive me. So if you were to go on a date to the movies do you pick her up with your parents or do you meet her there.

She wasn't even talking to me when I gave her the chocolate and after everything was over with she went back to talking to somebody else.

A date to movies or any date might be awkward because she drives and I don't.[/quote]

I don't know if my advice will be any help or not, or even right for that matter but I will give it a try.

First of all, realize that if this person does not like you it does not matter. This is one of the hardest things for me, but I'm getting the hang of it. Unfortunaltely all our nervousness hangs on this thought.

Also I know how hard it is not to appear nervous around someone you like a lot. But you need to try not to appear nervous, because it makes them nervous too. If you are feeling nervous, say what you want to say with as much confidence as you can muster, then leave.

Try acting interested in someone else too. This could take the pressure off the one you do like. Get yourself busy too with activites that you like to do. Tell her you are busy sometimes. Don't drop everything in your life to fit around hers. One, you will lose your identity and two, most girls don't like this and it may incourage them to toy with you as a cat does with a mouse. Then once in a while you could invite her along.

I think at your age dating is also about figuring out how to date, so it would not be a bad thing to go on dates with others to find what works for you and what doesn't.

Maybe try asking a girl out that you like but are not so worried about her saying no. In this case just go ask her straight out. "Hey, I was wondering if you would like to ....with me". I was so nervous the first time I asked someone out. I usually wait for them to let me know. But I asked her and she said no. But I felt great because I had crossed my comfort zone. I was in my late 20's by then. I still wish I practiced more when I was younger. She was my daughters swimming instructor hahaha.


ElfMan

I don't think you understood what I was saying, but thanks for the advice anyways. I am trying to ask her out while hiding how desperate, confused, and nervous I am and somehow remain friends after possible rejection.
Hmmm.. It sounds really sad when summed up like that.

By the way, I'm on Spring Break right now, and won't see her until Monday.

That's is exactly where I thought you were coming from actually. If you have already appeared too nervous around her, back up a little until you have some confidence to show her. Spend a week feeling and appearing happy and content with yourself, then ask her. If you have not appeared too nervous around her yet ask her out now.
I am sure my last post was addressing it from this angle. The main point I am trying to make is trying too hard can send her off in the other direction. BE COOL!!

So what? This is 2005. Most girls wouldn't mind picking up a guy.



Actually a lot of girls don't really care about guys being really suave when a guy asks them for a date. I agree with ElfMan. Just say 'Would you like to...with me sometime?' That really is the best (and all) you can do.

Sarcastic_Name, it really isn't a big deal making a fool of yourself. You said she was your friend. You're allowed to make a fool of yourself in front of your friends. I do it all the time.

I don't mean to be rude or anything, but could you split that into paragraphs next time? It's a big blob of text and hard to read.

my advice is DON'T RUIN A FRIENDSHIP. It will NEVER be the same again if the relationship fails.

To me that sounds like she's seeing warning bells - She likes you as a friend: Nothing more.

I do that if I get invited out for dinner, I say "Did you ask the others, too" when a friend asks me but I only like him as a friend.

I have to agree with you and that's what makes me so nervous. She's seems to find a way to avoid the topic of dating or any one on one conversation with me unless there's no one else to talk too. Very discouraging. We're good friends but I don't think it'll ever go any further than that. Am I being too pessimistic about this?

As an 18-year old guy who's gone through similar stuff, my advice is to not let her get away without trying, no matter what. It's hellishly easy to chicken out at the last minute, but in cases like this, you have to forget your pride, forget embarrassment, forget everything except what needs to be done. Ask her to a movie, and at some point tell her that you like her. It's painful as hell, and you'll feel like you're losing your mind, but bite the bullet. It's better than the alternative.

Being her friend and giving her chocolates is already far more than I'd ever accomplished with someone who I was interested in. Just the simple fact that she is your friend means that she respects you as a person, and that's huge. It's clear to me from your posts that you're willing to risk your friendship if you're able to ask her out. Sometimes that's just the price you have to pay. If you really like her, doing nothing is the worst path to take.

I've been in a situation like this twice. With the first girl, I was a total nervous wreck, but I asked her out anyways. She said no. I didn't expect to be interested in any girl (or much of anything else) ever again, but eventually another girl came along who was so much like me it was almost eerie. I was going crazy with the stress again, but this time, I gave in to it and chickened out at the last minute. Because of an almost absurd twist of bad luck that happened soon after, I'm most likely never going to see her again. I'm not going to fully get over either of them, but I feel a sense of peace with the first girl. I gave it a shot, I took a gamble and I lost. But with the second girl, the fact that I gave up without trying has been chewing on my mind like the world's biggest mind-chewer ever since then. I didn't try, so I'll never know if I threw away someone who would have said yes.

DON'T BE LIKE ME!

Last edited by ghotistix on 31 Mar 2005, 6:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

It depends what you walue more, a friendship or a relationship that probably won't last.

I know I'd take the first one, anyday. I've ruined friendships by making that same mistake.

I'm not sure that I agree with not taking the risk for fear of losing a friendship. I have a friend that came on to me years ago. I didn't want anything to happen but it has not affected our friendship. I am also friends with girl I came onto. And she accepted it. We did nothing more than pash for a while, but it did not change our friendship. I have been a bit too drunk and come onto my best friend from school a few years ago, while she was dancing with me. She just backed off and said nah...nah...nah don't go there!! It hasn't changed our friendship although I would never bring it up EVER.

And most 'friends' don't last forever anyway. They come and go for all sorts of reasons. The ones that do stick around and are worth having around. I don't see what could be so good about a friend that is willing to end a friendship because you ask them out.

ElfMan