Is it possible to become a "Social Aspie?"

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I mean... I know I will always have Asperger's Syndrome. But is it possible to become very social over time and through the social interactions I could pick up on body language hints, social cues and so forth.
My plan for College is to join as many clubs and sports that interest me and to party somewhat alot to gain social skills. I'm also taking employment classes and volunteering my time. And I'm trying to host clubs either at my house or other locations to play sports and meet people.
Anything to help break me out of my shell.
What does everyone think? Share how you became more social.

I'm a social aspie, because I've always been a very social person. I'm an extrovert. I hope things go well for you in college.

As a kid, I was an extreme introvert. I never had any idea what was going on around me, I never talked to, looked at, reacted to anyone ever, except my mom...
But that really changed a lot over time. Since the beginning of my adolescence, I started to realize the importance of interaction with others, so I began to work on my social skills. The way I did it was simply beginning to observe others, sort of collect data on their behaviour. Then I started to imitate them. There were a lot of failures at trying, but the feeling of failure = the feeling of growth...
Today I'm still not social by nature at all, but at least I became good at acting social whenever I need to. I can even come off as spontaneous and assertive (to some, however, also unintentionally as arrogant/patronizing). I will never voluntarily seek social contact, but at least I'm prepared for those situations where social behaviour can benefit me. I guess that suffices...

I'd say so. I have a background in acting (and performance in general), and I really enjoy studying languages and cultures, so I feel like I better understand other people and communication than most Aspies. Plus, I read A LOT of fiction, which is a huge help in studying people and their interactions. It's helped me a lot, from auditions and job interviews, to getting to know people at school, work, or church. I'm pretty good at acting extroverted, when I'm in the right mood. It just takes a lot of focus, practice, and study, just like any complex skill.

Unfortunately, if I go for long periods on my own, it takes a lot of effort to work up to it again. Like standing on a diving board, looking far below me, the longer I wait, the more terrifying it is. Just keep moving, and don't stop to look at how difficult it is. Plus, take some acting classes. Acting teachers can be really clear and blunt, and if you pay attention and ask questions, you'll get a huge step up.

Here's one idea you might find useful. Try to take advantage of your quirks. Use them in a way that some people might find amusing. Not everyone will but if you can find someone who likes some aspects of you that are odd or eccentric it's a wonderful thing. If you make connections a lot try saying things that seem random to other people to create humour.

I'm glad there are people who actually find it interesting when I space out and smile or laugh at something in my head. Not everybody is like that but once you find someone who likes you for you, Autism and all, it is a much better feeling.

With so many people in the world there's bound to be someone who actually likes your Aspie quirks. There's bound to be someone who is understanding and non-judgemental that will understand when you mess up as long as they know you're Autistic.

Other people will reject you for it but you don't have to be friends with everyone. Connect with the good people.

Yes, it's possible. I think you just learn to become a really good actor. You learn how to act social in certain situations.

As a teen I worked in our family's restaurant as a hostess and waitress. I learned how to act appropriately social in that particular environment. In the restaurant environment I had a "script" - "good afternoon; how are you today? How many in your party? How are you enjoying your meal? etc." And I smiled a lot. Outside the restaurant I was very awkward and had nothing to say. I didn't have a "script" to go by.

As I got older, I'd observe other people who seemed successful in their socialization and I made an effort to mimic what they did such as touch someone's elbow, the way I nod, when I laugh, etc. I have standard friendly phrases that I use all the time. When I meet someone I try to remember something special about them - children, career, illness, spouse, vacation, etc. Then when I meet them again I say something that mentions the "special" thing - "How's your sick mother doing? Did your son get on the soccer team? Did you get that promotion? How was the trip to Alaska? Etc."

Unfortunately, having preprogrammed scripts and phrases sometimes turn into strange and awkward conversations because I'm not really mutually exchanging with the other person; so if they say something I don't expect, I sometimes answer with the wrong phrase and confusion ensues. I've learned that laughing it off diffuses the situation. The other person doesn't really know what's going on with me so now I can turn it into a funny situation. In the past I'd try to back peddle and it just made the situation more awkward.

All of this is exhausting. Sometimes I'm not "ready" or "in the mood" to use my social scripts and I end up just being quiet and awkward.

kind of, I can never look at people in the eyes for long it feels really uncomfortable , and that's what people do so people lose interest in me quickly and vise versa

You may not ever become a textbook "extrovert," that would be unlikely, but of course your social skills will improve over time and with exposure to social interaction. Its called "developing coping mechanisms," and it just requires a lot of trial and error experience. Sometimes its unpleasant, but in the long run, its an effective process.

There are certain Aspies who are naturally gregarious and outgoing - I've known a few - but they still have glaring social skills problems and often difficulties understanding personal boundaries and tend to be embarrassingly unaware of just what social train wrecks they are. SNL did a skit years ago, called "The Thing That Wouldn't Leave," about a guest who dropped by, ate everything in sight, never shut up, hogged the TV and couldn't take a hint about when it was time to go home. Its kinda like that.

I would not encourage any Aspergian to believe that with practice, they can overcome their social skills deficits and become perfectly normal in social function. To believe that is to engage in willful denial and naivete and will make you vulnerable to manipulation and abuse by people who recognize that you're missing certain things and will use it to take advantage of you.

Your brain has a specific wiring schematic that is different than the norm and you can improve on the poor skill set you were born with, but the wiring will always remain the same, so you need to be honest with yourself and remain aware that your handicaps are not going to disappear completely.

Oh yeah. I pretty much NEVER make eye contact. When I try to make eye contact it ends up creeping people out. These days the only time I make eye contact is when I intentionally want to creep people out. For me, all my other superficial friendly techniques are enough to outweigh the lack of eye contact (or so it seems to me).

That sounds a great plan, and I encourage you to do so at a comfortable pace (socialising can be exhausting). Being in as many social situations as possible should improve your social knowledge and skills, if your are prepared to work at it (i.e. observe, analyse, participate) as it's not just going to it happen by osmosis.! !

I'm an introvert, (happily spending a large chunk of my time on my own) socialising occasionally with a small number of people. However, since leaving the workforce some 12 years ago, and spending more time at home on my own, I think my social skills/comfort have diminished and it takes me great concentration, and effort to follow/participate in a group conversations. So engaging in as many social situations as frequently as you can, must help.

Last edited by lilaclily on 31 Jul 2013, 8:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I had a handful of friends in high school (about 3 - everybody else picked on me and made my life hell) who actually taught me how to be social. Took years and I had to practice, made a lot of mistakes. I wasn't very good at it for a long time. It's best to have at least one person with you who you can talk to after whatever event you go to who can tell you what you did wrong and how to fix it and practice with you. That's what I did.

my late in life need to be kind brought me out of my shell. I can't explain it.

yes, it's very possible. i have; i know a lot of people who have.

some people will tell you that if you are an aspie, that you can't fundamentally change yourself or improve with practice but they are wrong. and likely only saying that because they personally can't and want to find a way to justify their inability to succeed in social matters.

unfortunately willard, you seem to be one of those people.

I think I've learnt how to be more social over time.