Adult Diagnosis Anxieties

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Hi all,

I've been a "lurker" for a couple of days now, you all seem so supportive, I thought I'd get some feedback.

After only learning about AS a month or so ago, I was amazed at the similarities to my own experience, and I'm now wondering if I'm on the spectrum...I'm considering to see a doctor, but I have many worries...

I'm in my mid 30's, and if I do have AS, it's surely mild, and I've been able to adapt my "peculiaralities" to fit in. I understand that it's easier to diagnose in children because they haven't had their natural tendencies drilled out of them yet. I pick up on things well, and as a result, I'm able to do things like look people in the eye (mostly...although I need to remind myself, and it feels weird doing it) talk about the weather, etc. but it's unbelievably difficult. My theory is that nobody has to know I'm screaming on the inside.

I have a good job, and I must maintain appearances, so I dress well. (I hope so anyway, I don't really know, and it's not like a have a vast network of friends to ask...). I have no motor coordination problems either. Forgive me if these are stereotypes, I'm getting my information from the web, and many of the sites seem to all contain the same information. (Information I spend hours a day going over and over, and have basically memorized...sound familiar?)

My anxiety is based on not knowing who to talk to, and whether they will look at many of the symptoms I have managed to nearly rid myself of (outwardly anyway) and base the judgement on that.

I only want to know so that I have a name for what has made my life a lot more difficult than I think it needed to be. Peace of mind is priceless, and as one person wrote in another forum, quoting the Buddha "Once you discover the source of your suffering you are on the way toward eliminating it" I may paraphrasing a bit, but you get the point.

I'm also curious as to what point my peculiarities become Asperger. Sort of like "what's the youngest you can be to die from old age?" I know it's a spectrum, and the terms on it aren't rigidly defined (oh, how I wish everything were rigidly defined!) and I would suspect I'm closer to the side of "not AS" than "absolutely AS" which I fear will further complicate the diagnosis. I scored as "you are likely NT and Aspie" on the Aspie quiz, and scored a 41 on the Asperger Quotient, didn't believe it, took it again and scored another 41. I then retook it, giving answers that had any sort of ambiguity the benefit of the doubt, and answering as if NT, (seriously, if I only agreed with 90% of the question I forced myself to answer as if NT) and scored a 36, all of which are in the range that, at best, can't rule it out.

Sorry for such a long first post, I tend to go on, and it's nice to have someone listen. This site is great, and I enjoy all you have to say.

Thanks

Welcome to WP!

I got score on the Aspie quiz that indicated that I was "very likely neurotypical", so you're not alone.

Tim

That is how I felt before I was diagnosed with AS. I did not know if I should see a doctor or not. A lot of people feel like this because its hard to know where you are on the spectrum. Some people have a lot of AS traits but they may not have enough to be diagnosed. It sounds like you have developed a lot of coping mechanisms that have helped you get through life.

Thanks,

It would be so much easier if they could test for it like they do a fever. Just stick a thermometer (or Aspiemeter!) under your tongue, look at the results, and poof! Diagnosis. As it is, I'm going to have to spend a considerable amount of time talking to a stranger about how my past, and how I perceive things, which, if I could do that, I wouldn't be there in the first place.

Circular logic makes me dizzy...

So many people here are against the scientists that are trying to develop "medical" ways to diagnose ASDs (by medical, I mean blood tests, brain scans or looking at chromosomes), but I think that's rather dumb. I can't wait for the day that medical science can differentiate between who has it and who doesn't with something more objective than the viewpoint of a person/doctor.

But I'd like to see them be able to develop the same types of tests for schizophrenia, depression, etc.

Exactly. It is rather strange that psychiatry often opts to not look directly at the malfunctioning organ itself - the brain!

Anyway, invictus. Welcome to the forum.

Here's an article I wrote about getting started in the diagnostic process. It may help you a bit.

http://asdgestalt.com/viewtopic.php?p=35#35

My counselors & I discuss my "symptoms", many explained by AS but several are difficulties I've developed while growing up, in reaction to repeated bad experiences, some of which might've been changed had I been dx'd in childhood. No way to know if I'd be better off today had dx happened then, whether I'd have had other bad experiences instead that would express themselves as other co-morbid dx's. I'm kinda' OCD, agoraphobic, depressive, and so on.

My reactions to people fall into categories of "this person sounds like": me, or an ASD stereotype, or other. I don't think of myself as resembling person w/an ASD, yet 3 years ago I was dx'd as such. I'm a 33-yr. old female, which already defies the most frequent demographic pattern for those w/AS, teenage or younger males. Your self-description reminds me a lot of me and sounds less like the stereotype of most/many people w/AS-but I have AS. What's it all add up to ? The more time passes w/o this explanatory framework, the harder it is to mentally time travel to past experiences & try to parse out or isolate the AS aspects, one's accumulated more "stuff" into one's personality, outlook, habits of mind that cloud the diagnosis.

Agree. What makes problems worse is when one isn't even able to point out the problem in the first place, or one hasn't sufficient info. to understand it better. More knowledge may not change anything, but at least it has the chance to shift one's perspective-doing nothing & suppressing urge to seek more learning certainly isn't likely to lead to improvement (however you measure it). A situation can appear similar outwardly, yet have various possible dissimilar causes/origins. It's worthwhile to sort out which possibilities are & are not likely answers to what's going on.

Basically, it's deemed "normal" to be good at "A" and bad at "B" and it's judged "strange" to be good at "B" and bad at "A". It's baffling being able to function well in several areas, because it leads oneself & others to expect more, to not take seriously the areas in which you do have great difficulty. The activities in which I have problems (such as eating-due to odors, tastes, and textures) are often things that others consider easy & simple. Other functions (drawing detailed mazes) are obvious & "second nature" to me, yet other people are impressed at my "skill" & say they couldn't do that. Everyone has strengths & weaknesses-yet people seem familiar with & understand those being in CERTAIN areas, but are totally confused/disbelieving if the pattern forms an unexpected picture/whole. It's mainstream (or "NT") to assume consuming food is easy & elaborate drawing is tough-it makes "intuitive" sense & counts as "rational" to them. If one is not like that, if "normal" food is very difficult to tolerate & spending hours on end elaborately doodling is what I do for fun-that violates assumptions of how humans are generally believed to be. I can't reconcile parts of how I am to other parts of how I am-only know I'm really all these contradictory ways because I happen to BE me.

Why should it be necessary to 'diagnose' AS at all? In the 1950s and 60s and earlier, people were 'diagnosed' as homosexual, and the psychiatry services/medical professionals tried to 'cure' homosexuality, which is now accepted (by the vast majority of people), as a difference or even similar to ASD in terms of being on a spectrum.

I have been officially DX'd but only in order to try and gain acceptance and understanding. I'm not looking for a 'cure', I don't need one, I like who I am, I like being me. I believe that in 20 years time or so, AS will also be demedicalised and just accepted as a neurological difference.

Hey! What's that about a "malfunctioning" organ? the most wonderful thing i take from my self diagnosis of AS is that there are others like me, that we are making it, I am not alone. and we aren't broken. We are different. If a society designed and administered by NTs has some trouble with us, and us them, it is just a majority/minority issue.
Well, sometimes I malfunction.

Now THAT I agree with! Some people told me they WISH they [malfunctioned] like I do! Some pay tens or hundreds of thousands USD to! My JOB pays me because I do! Malfunction......*******HA*******!

Steve

Sorry if I offended anyone with my comment. Malfunctioning brain signifies mental illness ie: certain parts of the brain "overactive" or "underactive" and causing behavioural problems, I probably should have been more clear. AS is not a mental illness in itself, although often aspies do suffer from mental illness as well ie: depression, bipolar, etc.
My point is, I would like a more medical approach taken with psychiatry and diagnosing. That way, I probably wouldn't be considered so mentally ill with so many labels from different doctors who are only giving their opinion on the matter.
Heck, if they can detect PMS with SPECT imaging, then I'd like to see what's going on inside my head too. My guess is it isn't as easy to give out pills when basing the diagnosis on more than opinion alone, and the process of SPECT itself might be costly.

Hi, all. I am brand new to considering that I may be somewhere in the spectrum since watching The View.

Sophist, thank you for the article. A big road block for me will be that no one is left from my childhood. I'm 54-yrs. old and was adopted by older parents and raised as an only child. I spent a bit of time with biological siblings and mother as an infant, off and on. I'm in touch with my eldest brother, but he was only 2-yrs. old when I was born and has no recollection. Unfortunately, my child's brain mind didn't mark dates or age of when I talked or walked. (Not having children, I don't even know what age might be 'normal.') But I do remember a lot of things. A part of the same road block is that, from what little info I got about the short time I was with my biological mother, it seems possible that things 'happened' that may have affected me. I haven't a clue how I can sort this all out.

It's also quite certain that I've had different, evolving mental illnesses through the years, and now. I feel a need to go back as far as I can for answers, form a complete picture, and finally address the problems I have now with more complete info to go on. But, even if I find the right professional, with my lack of family resources, is a diagnosis even possible?

invictus, I'm right there with you in circular thinking. I'm the snake eating its own tail and life if full of catch22.

You're welcome. I hope it helps some.



Luckily, you're in the US, so the diagnostic rules don't tend to be as strict. I've noticed more Aspies from the UK being refused an AS assessment because there's no one from their childhood to give a developmental profile. In the US, depending on who you get, oftentimes they won't require someone else come in with you, though some may prefer it.

One big problem that I percieve with an AS diagnosis is that the mental health profession seems to be of by and for NTs. That is: I douibt very much that and significant number of Aspies were involved in setting the standard symptomology or any other aspect. I notice that THEY (and you know what they are like) tend to believe that Aspies: 1. Have no sense of humor. yeah bub? check this site out! 2. Are overridingly male, to the extent of postulating AS as an extreme case of the male mind. Yeah bub? Check this site out! 3. That an Aspie has a narrow range of obsessions. Yeah bub? Check this site out.
Indeed, looking at a current WP thread on "obsessions" it seems that a lot of us have a large range. One member even stated this is exact words. Further, if we have a wide range of obsessions; could it be that we have not "obsessions" at all, but simply learn far more of our interests than do typical NTs?
THEY do not understand us. I am far more confident in my ability to diagnose self than on an official diagnosis fron outside in and by a person who understands Aspies only to the extent that he understands how his Lexus operates.