Hi, I have bouts of the exact same problem. I think part of it may be that I'm looking out for and expecting things to go wrong, and then I'm looking back on them and thinking I could have done that so much better. I'm not exactly saying praise yourself and think only of what you did well and of what goes well because that would be really annoying and mother-ish, but try imagining yourself and watching yourself as though you are an outsider. I know this is hard for an AS person, and it's taken me ages to learn, but viewing yourself in your imagination as you would if you were having an out of body exprience helps you view it in an unbiased way. It might not elimenate the problem but perhaps it will seem less severe. Also, two more things it has taken me ages to learn that really help, even if you do get things wrong and hurt people. It took me ages to learn to say 'sorry'. Not that you always have to be the one to say sorry for an argument or causing hurt, because it won't just be you, but reviewing the situation like above helps you to see to what degree something was wrong, and therefore whether it is up to you or the other person to say sorry. I have never successfully forced someone into saying sorry yet, so I wouldn't try that. Also, if it is something wrong that is trivial like dropping a pan on the floor and making an embarrassing crash, try thinking of a self deprecating joke to crack. NTs love that, they love being able to laugh at people, sad as it is - or at least that's my experience. It also makes you look great because you're able to laugh at yourself. Hope that helps, but if not, mail me with something more specific, or put it on the forum, and I'll have another go.
31 Jan 2007, 11:19 pm
