Getting back with exes

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Not an Aspie or NT-specific question, but has anyone here ever in their lives gotten back together with an ex, and made it work?

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You haven't specified what constitutes "made it work". When does one know that the thing works? And for how long?

By "made it work," I mean re-establishing the connection you had previously, going out and doing things you used to do before the breakup. And by "how long" I mean for at least a year.

Nope.... hasn't happened. I had an old fling who decided she wanted to talk to me again after a year, but she ended up getting rejected without my intending to reject her. I wouldn't hear from her again.

Back in my late teens, early twenties and I had an on gain off again relationship that stretched over 4 years. I think the person in question is still not 'over me' and if I was a fool I may have tried it again. But there are reasons for break ups and my new rule is to never go back. However I've read an odd story or two in papers and such of people who reunited happily after a long period etc. so perhaps it can happen for some.

This seems to be the case.

Why go back to someone when it has been clearly demonstrated that the person is not a 'keeper'?

Nope. And three of them have died of drug-related causes.

I originally asked the question because I'm reminded of how my parents dated each other and broke up in their late teenage years, then didn't see each other for 2 years. Then they got back together, got married and have been married for 30+ years.

Must have been meant to be

Actually I have done it a couple of times. Well, one of them was more like six months than a year. We had dated for a short time around five years earlier.

The main one is someone I have gotten back together with, more times than I care to count. I think I'm actually over my obsession with this person, finally after 25 f**cking years. But yeah we had a couple on-and-offs in the late 80s/early 90s (he was basically the town hottie back then, and had a lot of women interested in him; sometimes he'd be interested in them too). We got back together in 2007 and stayed together for a little over a year, probably spending on average 5 nights a week together; then split up for several months, then we got back together again and were on-and-off for a while until my feelings for him changed abruptly. I don't even bother breaking up anymore however, it's just ridiculous after getting back together so many times.

But although we haven't officially broken up, for the past year or so we rarely see each other, and we aren't physically intimate anymore (although he may not realize that last time was the last time; I haven't actually told him). Right before that, we actually lived together for maybe six months. He came & stayed at my house; thankfully, for some reason I was finally able to see the truth of the relationship during that time. I finally realized he doesn't love me, and it's like a curtain came down. Which is a blessing, because he's very high-maintenance to be in a relationship with as well as it being an emotional rollercoaster.

So I asked him to leave and he went and moved in with one of his guy friends who lives about 20-30 miles from here.
That's how things stand now, but when we first got back together in 2007 after 15 years apart, it was quite wonderful for a while. I was so into it that it rarely occurred to me that he was really using me a lot and giving very little of himself ~ and all quite blatantly too, in hindsight. (This has been a pattern in my other relationships as well.) He'd probably still say he loves me even now, but then disproves it through his actions if I let him get too close.

So getting back together had its moments of goodness, although it turned out not to be permanent. It was enlightening and helped me get some "closure" ~ and lots of it, lol.

I generally don't believe in inflexible rules like "never date an ex ever for any reason". That being said, people break up for a reason, and if that reason has not been addressed then the relationship will eventually fail again.

I read a great book recently. The title is "It's called a break up because it's broken".

It's NEVER worked out getting back together.Just made more messes and more shattered dreams and brutal realities.No matter how hot he is...just DON'T!

I couldn't imagine dating any of my ex-girlfriends, especially my ex-wife.

Every break-up was based on how stupid, boring, cold, nerdy/geeky, or non-social they said that I was.

[sarcasm]

Of course, none of these breakups had anything to do with their self-centeredness, their two-timing ways, or their inability (or unwillingness) to apologize for what they said or did to me. Oh no, no, no no ... every breakup was all my fault for not having the balls to live up to their standards of what they believed their pet man should be.



[/sarcasm]

Wow Fnord, bitter much?