Hi, new member new to Aspergers!

Post Reply New Topic

Hi folks

I'm a 40 something woman in the UK, working in computer software and recently - informally - diagnosed by my therapist who I'm seeing to sort myself out after a major meltdown last year. I did the online AQ test at her suggestion after a throwaway comment that a colleague had suggested I might be on the spectrum. Since that day I've read stuff like Rudy Simone's "Aspergirls", where most of the list at the back of the book applies to me, and it's all been a bit of a revelation. So many unconnected behaviours, habits, difficulties seem to be linked now, in ways I never imagined. Who would have thought my inability to tolerate certain fabrics could be linked to my dislike of crowds and intolerance of loud noises? Mindblowing stuff.

I'm now on the waiting list for an official assessment, and in the meantime I'm (in true aspie style) reading up on the condition, working with my therapist on stuff like facial expressions, emotional intelligence etc, and am mostly feeling quite positive about the future and proud of how much I've achieved and overcome with little or no help up to now. There's still a part of me that's angry that no one put 2 and 2 together earlier; sad at the opportunities I've missed through lack of coping strategies; outraged at the labels I had to live with because of a lack of early diagnosis.

It's an awful lot to come to terms with.

Welcome!

I am reading your story and the same happened to me last year so I know what you are going through.

Question: why do you want to be diagnosed officially?

Thank-you

two reasons I guess: firstly, part of my "profile" is that I like to do things properly so until my diagnosis is confirmed by an expert I'll probably doubt it. Not sure what I'll do if I don't get it, hopefully I'll see someone who can see through the coping mechanisms and veneer of normality. Secondly, in the UK it would give me an official disability, which may sound bad, but basically it would make me exempt from discrimination on the grounds of my condition and give me the right to reasnable assistance at work. I have previously lost a job due to my intolerance of their lack of rules and procedures, which caused me to get really angry. Now that I'm more aware, I'm less likely to get really angry, but it would be nice to have that protection and understanding...

Congratulations, and welcome! I too am newly diagnosed later in life, and can relate to feelings of relief and hope, alloyed with a bit of regret at not knowing of my condition sooner. This has been the beginning of a whole new journey of discovery. Best wishes

Welcome to the site! Yes, it is definitely strange to find out that some things that seem unrelated both come from the same place. Good luck with your official evaluation!

I can answer that - for the same reason most adults with AS feel a need to be professionally diagnosed when they discover their condition has a name: because when you've been treated like a freak your entire life and told that all the bullying and discrimination that you've endured is all your own fault, it's freeing to have some official documentation proving once and for all that by gods, it isn't your fault - that you actually had a physical brain dysfunction that was creating the problem all along.

It's good to know that you were never the bad, weak, annoying person everybody accused you of being, they were the bad people for treating you like dirt for being who you can't help being.

Hello, and welcome to acceptance!

There seems to be quite a few of us here who are in the same boat. It really is quite liberating! (At least it was for me.)

It's kind of liberating... and I do feel validated. I spent years being labelled as disruptive, lazy, awkward, rebellious, pedantic, clumsy.... and now instead of all those different labels, I've got one.

Some people seem to have trouble accepting that I might have/be Aspergers, partly because I don't fit their preconception of what that means, and in some cases because they seem to see it as giving me an excuse to get away with things I do that annoy them. From my perspective, it's the same as any diagnosis. Once you know what it is you're looking at, you have a starting point that you can move forward from.

The problems I've had in the past weren't because of my Aspergers, they were because I didn't know I had it. It's like using WIndows commands on a Mac. Some of them might work, as there's a bit of an overlap, but generally speaking it's a different operating system. You can get the same results, but you need to ask for them in a different way.

I'm not in any way going to rest on my laurels. I'm continuing with therapy, but now we're incorporating more aspie-specific things like facial recognition and emotional intelligence. I'm becoming more aware of who I really am (after years of being a chameleon). I'll probably never quite fit in, but at least now I know why, and I can learn to compensate. Things are looking up, finally.

Hi Schnozzles, I'm in pretty much the same situation. I read a lot about autism and Asperger's recently, and while I always said that I have autistic traits, slowly everything fell into place. I now know that I have AS, but I'm on the waiting list to be diagnosed because I think telling people I have AS will give them the option to accept me as I am while "I think I have Asperger's" just sounds like a lame excuse for being awkward or rude.

I love your Windows/Mac comparison. I don't feel I am disabled, I just work differently from the majority of other people.

When we were children, there was no Asperger's, but I often think I should have been diagnosed with autism as a child - on the other hand, having been aware of my condition, I probably wouldn't have struggled so hard to fit in and endured all the pressure, and I wouldn't be where I am today.

You mention you're working on facial expressions, emotional intelligence etc. - how does that go? Is it really possible to learn that stuff?

With the facial expressions, my therapist had me looking at pictures and trying to recognise the emotions. Very hard. But also I'm trying to be more aware of when I don't understand the expression on someone's face, and asking them. It is possible to learn, I think, but as others have observed, it's not an exact science.

And emotional intelligence - well, we're trying to work out which emotions I have trouble identifying. It's not that I don't feel complex emotions, I just don't recognise what they are. It's all about perception. Often when people ask how I feel, I can't really answer properly. I know the words, and I know the feelings, I'm just not always sure how they fit together.

It's all very interesting!

Welcome!

Thank-you!

I have very recently been diagnosed and have only been Aspie-suspicious for a couple of months now. All traits (roads) lead to home and before the diagnosis had ticked about 80% of the Aspie-spectrum and completed several tests online all showing very positive.

I had a meltdown nearly a year ago too, very bad. Quit my job, spent my savings, moved away and have been involved with mental health units more than I care to tell. I was prescribed 3 different AD's and I couldn't have been in any worse of a way. Now that I have an understanding of the condition and how it affects me, I can start building my life around me and find the happiness I want.

A new life for the two of us!

hi welcome aboard brother