Any advice on getting through the holidays?

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So, I'm debating how to handle Christmas this year. Without going into all the details, my family is fairly dysfunctional and being around them can be stressful. For the past year or so, I've been dealing with some health problems (kind of a long story: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt246629.html) that are exacerbated by stress.

The worst flare-ups I've had have been after dealing with emotionally draining or hurtful situations with them, particularly my mother. Right now, I'm in the middle of one after a situation with her earlier this week. Honestly, there is a part of me that is *afraid* of getting together with them on Christmas and what I'll have to deal with after I do.

I was thinking of just explaining that I'm not feeling up to it and bailing out, but I know they'll be upset if I don't go, which will may very well lead to more drama and a flare-up anyhow. I'm also not keen on spending Christmas alone in my apartment, which will likely happen if I don't go. So, I guess I need to figure out how to toughen up or something by the 24th ...

Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated. Also, if you have general holiday survival tips, please feel free to share them, even if they aren't necessarily a solution for my situation. I know the holidays are a tough time for a lot of people and you never know who might see it and be helped.

This holiday season, like all previous holiday seasons, I'll be utterly alone. I'm to blame for some of that; my autism is also to blame as well as the fact I' have Avoidant Personality Disorder or AvPD.

I have poor coping skills, too. To help me get through the lonely nights I drink. On the special nights (Christmas & New Year's) I splurge on champagne. Nothing fancy like Veuve Cliquot. Freixenet will do.

I don't know when I'll see an end to this loneliness, though. I take comfort in knowing there are lots and lots of lonely people all around so I'm not the only one.

With my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) I just make an appearance, stay long enough to eat, then wait until everyone is engaged in after dinner conversation, slip out the door and go home.

With immediate family, it's not so easy to just slip away and this year, I'm already eaten alive with stress, more so than usual. But there's no way I'll get out of not being there, without creating even more stress, so I'll just soldier through, then come home and get drunk.

Fortunately, my family is pretty functional and even tempered, and the two events are scheduled a few days apart this year, so there will be a little decompression time in between.

Good luck, blueroses, may your Holidays be over with quickly and mercifully!

I told my family I'm having christmas alone this year. I told them in november.

I'll do some voluntary work on christmas day, maybe christmas eve.

Other than that I'll feel isolated and alone - beats hell out of trying and failing to be festive.

Hide under a duvet with cheesecake, wine and a book until holidays are over.

i fight like h@ll to get thru xmas .. i've declared war on it this year :/

.. yesterday my first battleplan was to remain intact .. not broken apart .. i pictured a huge ocean liner and how it stays in one piece despite storms bad weather etc. .. and also found an old framed picture of giant passenger ship i got that i put in a visible place to inspire myself to stay in one piece.

today my battleplan this far .. recognizing all bad feelings seem to stem from integrity being compromized .. trying to stay 100 percent whole .. keep a safe moat around me all the time .. no time or event where i ovelap with other humans, please .. staying solitary like an island completely surrounded by safe sea is my image today, this far.

big agree from me w others on thread that battling holidays generally may be very difficult and thus potentially rewarding and important discussion! .. another obvious tip: resumed activity on WP .. safe haven in stormy social seas (-:

Christmas is a rough time for me too. For the first 25 years of my life, I spent Christmas with my parents, but for the last few winters, they have been living in Florida. My sister is with her family, and we aren't really very close anyways..

I don't have a family of my own. Not anyone's fault but mine, i guess.

Its not really Christmas itself that bothers me, but the interruptions in routine and heavy social requirements that go with it that I cannot deal with.

Other living family members (aunts/ uncles / cousins) live far away. I always get an "invite" for Christmas dinner from someone at work when they find out that I am alone for the holidays. I say "invite" because I am always reluctant to go, I don't really feel that I would be that welcome, etc. Just some random person eating with someone's family seems awkward.

People phone way too often over Christmas. I have nothing to say. Please, i'm fine, id be better if you would leave me alone!

Last year, I had Xmas dinner with a female friend and her parents. I've known her and her family for a long time and I figured Id be fairly comfortable there. Unfortunately, the friend came over a few days before Christmas, told me she had feelings for me, she wanted to have sex with me. long story short, I couldn't do it, I actually cried in front of her. Still had to go there for dinner on Xmas day, since I told her mom I would and I keep my promise no matter how sh***y it is. Girl no longer talks to me.

Her mom calls me up the other day to make sure that I am coming for dinner this year. I really wanted to say no, but I kind froze / panicked and said yes. Girl is not even going to be in town this year. Not sure what I am supposed to say to her parents, haven't talked to her in a year. Awkward level 9000. Still trying to figure a way out of going, maybe saying i'm sick, but I am terrible at lying.

The food is nice, but I would much rather stay at home with a frozen pizza and a case of beer and my PlayStation. I know i'm going to say something stupid.

I also have trouble shopping at the best of times, I try to make a list with exactly what I need, right down to the brand names I like, locate the items, pay and leave as quickly as possible. But with so many people, parking is full, isles are packed with people mulling over possible gifts, long checkout lines. I get nervous and try to avoid as much as possible.

I do wish I could afford to have a place of my own. I don't exactly want to spend Christmas entirely on my own, but when too many people are round for too long into the evening, it would be nice to have somewhere quiet to go. My family do get on my nerves at times. My uncle keeps commenting on my lifestyle, making me feel worse than I already feel. My cousins have all got lovers they are seeing, and they just sit there texting their lovers when they come round - and they're all younger than me so it makes me feel like I should be younger than them. They are all NTs and I'm a sh***y Aspie so what the hell do I expect anyway? *sigh*

Having another Aspie in the family would be great. I could hang out with them and have someone to go out for walks with when we're both fed up, and can relate to each other about the challenges we face in life. But no, they are all f*****g NT, just has to be that way.