The most frustrating thing about my condition.

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It feels like I'm fine, like there's nothing wrong. There's the feeling that I'm capable, but whenever I set out to do anything like plan for instance, there is a strong aversion I can't seem to overcome. Or my goals become irrelevant. Then when I reflect there's a strong sense of hopelessness. When I look back on all my 'ventures' and see how little I accomplished how quick and profound my drive to change my mind. How can I expect others to take me serious? I feel pathetic, without purpose. One doctor determined my condition to be paranoid schizophrenia and a team of doctors later determined it to be Schizoaffective bipolar disorder.

The weird thing is, when I do accomplish something like my job pushing carts or getting an A in chemistry, or reading a book or finishing a calculus workbook, It doesn't feel like an accomplishment, it just feels like whatever, so what?

When you solve this problem look me up.

For a while I can do alright, writing things down on a planner, maybe if commit to the things I have already wanted to do instead of coming up with new things. I have to ignore how I feel and just do. It doesn't matter how unconfident or confused I am. Just do.