Please help! Romance disaster!

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I met a guy from a dating site and I fell for him immediately. We skyped for hours. Then we met and it went well. He did not text me much, and it worried me. So I texted and asked if we could meet up again, he could come to my house and I could cook and we could watch a movie. We skyped for about half an hour. He turned up at my house at 8pm and we ate, and pretty quickly fell into bed. He would not talk to me after much and I felt he was refusing to answer any questions I asked about him. But he said he was going to be busy with work for 2 weeks, then he did not know how long after that. Then he left at about 7.30am. I was sick to my stomach and devastated.

So I texted him in the afternoon, and said something sweet about enjoying our time together. I asked if we could skype some time in the next two weeks too.

No reply.

I texted him in the evening again, and he said something like He would see me again when his deadlines were done. but I should meet people and follow my dreams blah blah.

I sent him a message asking what I had done wrong.

No reply.

Admittedly, as I was upset he had slept with me and then was refusing to take my calls, and sent a lot of messages like where did it go wrong, because we seemed to get on so well first, what had I done, and finally, it made me feel betrayed that he had slept with me and was now refusing my calls. So he blocked me on facebook.

I really like him. I want to fix what I did. What do I do? Do I try to friend him again? I wish he would explain. Even if it was just that I had not done anything wrong, but he was just not looking for a relationship, only casual sex.

Please be nice to me people, as I hate myself right now. Any opinions on what happened?

I don't think you did anything wrong. How people respond to you isn't just about the things you say and choices you make. Sometimes the other person is just bound to act in a certain way, and there's nothing you could do to change that.

And I do think he was just looking for casual sex, but he lacked the forthrightness and honesty to be up front about it, even afterwards.

It's too bad that this happened to you, but try not to take it too hard. Like I said, you didn't do anything wrong. Based on this guy's actions, he just wasn't right for you, and odds are nobody will be until he changes his priorities on his own.

I agree with Hooraydiation. I also feel quite angry when I hear these stories, because people like you do nothing wrong, and have to suffer because others are only out to take advantage of people who are genuine. There are plenty of girls out there who are also only interested in casual sex, so why can't they go looking for those?

Maybe because he is so freakin' insecure he feels he can only feel good by doing this to good folk like you.

I don't think you can salvage this situation. He sounds like an idiot and you deserve better.

Cut yourself loose (emotionally) from this guy. The only thing you did wrong was jump into bed with a user. Call it a lesson learned and move on.

Sorry this happened to you.

The opinions of previous responses reinforce my view.

Probably he was:
A) A disgraced looking for casual sex
B) Someone who might have some interest, and that sometime folded, but not dismissed sex .., (which characterizes him as a bastard too)

I also think that you did nothing wrong ( Wow, I would love to be a first date dinner prepared by her and then stay in love .. )
it was his fault that was not sincere with his intentions.

You stop going after him. No doubt he can still try to future contact. If this happens, ignore him.

And ending, if you allow me a note, by text, by insisting on trying to contact him, you seem to be a needy person. I'm not judging you, even as I am certainly a needy person. Only mencioneie this detail for you to consider it in next relationships.

Sometimes I have talked to people for a while and I get nervous so I quit talking to them just like that. That is something I hope to change though. It has nothing to do with the other person. Once they start getting closer I just crack under the pressure.

I agree with Hooraydiation. I also feel quite angry when I hear these stories, because people like you do nothing wrong, and have to suffer because others are only out to take advantage of people who are genuine. There are plenty of girls out there who are also only interested in casual sex, so why can't they go looking for those?

Maybe because he is so freakin' insecure he feels he can only feel good by doing this to good folk like you.

I don't think you can salvage this situation. He sounds like an idiot and you deserve better.

I feel for you, Daisy. I agree with the others that he was probably only looking for sex to begin with.

I just had to comment, since it's been a topic of so much conversation elsewhere in this forum, that this is precisely the situation that creates women who screen their potential dates so thoroughly. Men who complain they can't get women to go out or even respond to them? It's men like the OP described who are the reason why women are so picky about who they will even correspond with. One, just ONE experience like the OP's is devastating for a woman. She will never forget it, and will be determined not to repeat it.

He did something wrong. You didn't. He was dishonest.

you don't wanna be with guys like that. Believe it or not, there are guys who will treat you with respect physically and mentally. This guy sounds like a tool (and immature, blocking you on facebook? wow..) . Learn from it and move on.

Based on what you describe, I do not see where you did anything wrong.

Guys sometimes disengage by doing disappearing acts like that. Quite regrettable and undesirable, but not unheard of. Lack of interpersonal communication skills on their part, perhaps.

I know how distressing it can be to have that happen, because I have been treated that way also. And in all honestly I am rather certain I have also done it to others myself, despite best efforts not to.

What has worked for me: allow myself time to grieve the wrong done, then pick myself up, dust myself off, and move on - trying, of course, to glean lessons learned.

Best wishes!

Daisy, he was never looking for anything serious, he was just looking for a hookup. He thought you were just texting him for a booty call and responded, got his food and sex and left. You didn't do anything wrong, but don't contact him again, and if he texts you, know that he just wants sex. Block him.

I'm sorry.

Ok. A different perspective from others to a degree, but it does fit. There are some men and women out there that are deathly afraid of intimacy. I do believe that a lot of men are more afraid of intimacy, but it's more about how you deal with it. I believe he managed this rather poorly. He has no idea how to show interest in women, and you showed more than he did. This is something that will continue for him up until women never show any interest in him.

I wish there was something nicer to say than he took advantage of the interest you showed in him. I've done it before and I can tell you that it will make him look like the biggest jackass. I'm also obviously not friends with the people I did this to, nor did I ever get in a relationship with them. But they made sure to let me hear what they thought about me when it was time to walk away.

It sounds like you were used, it's unfortunate you went through that, it's a really terrible thing to do to someone and I hope you have no intent on trying to 'fix' this anymore because he is only interested in saying what he needs to get in your bed, and only when he wants it.

This person is not interested in what you want, but he will wear the mask as if he is, if it gets him what he wants. How fast he jumped to sex and then how quickly he ignored you afterward confirms this. Do not allow him to hurt you more, I greatly advise ignoring any and all contact from him.

Please be careful when someone wants sex so quickly; I am not blaming you for what occurred, but it is a very bad sign when they are so eager to proceed to sex like that.

Relationships as a function of time

1. 5-30 minutes = Casual sex, frequently a mercantile arrangement.
2. 1-3 days = False start relationship, the fog of emotional sensation frequently causes misunderstandings.
3. 1-6 weeks = What have I done. The initial rush of emotional sensation frequently seen as "failing in love" is not really sustainable. This can be a transition period for disengagement or to the next level.
4. 2-24 months = Adaptation. At this point the other person is seen as tolerable and possible resignation is made to the consideration that this is the person with whom you may spend your life.
5. 2-10 years = Settling in. This is frequently when a couple may decide to get married. Even without marriage splitting up can be as difficult as divorce.

Many men would be happy with a relationship at level one. Many women would like a life long romantic journey, but would be willing to settle for level three.

For women who are interested in level three or higher, consider sexual abstinence. This has a tendency to filter out men who promise more, but are only interested in level one.

As a Christian, I see a basis for the old fashioned "no sex before marriage", view. Two people can really build a special intimacy as they explore and develop their own physical relationship. This intimacy can last a lifetime. Casual relationships often lead to a jaded perspective that leaves a person feeling used and alone.

Whether you are looking for marriage or some other kind of relationship, I would encourage you to stick to your guns and not be talked into settling for less than you desire.

Wow, that really stinks. I'll agree with others on this and say that, judging from how quickly he jumped into bed with you, he was just looking for casual sex. Guys like this are a dime a dozen; no matter how much we think we might have connected with them, they tend to be too selfish to pay attention to other people's needs but their own. I think you're a lot better off without him, honestly, and that you'll find someone who wants to take the time to get to know you for you.

Having been there, we tend to want explanations for poor behavior like his, some kind of finality that will put things to rest in our minds, but unfortunately, I don't think it's coming. He probably absolved himself of all blame.