Being Ostracized

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Hi, I'm kind of new here so my apologies if this post is out of place.

It seems like a lot of people treat me almost like I'm invisible. Some people tell me that it might be because I'm quiet and I tend to distance myself from people and that they don't really mean to do it. I don't think that's always the case because if someone comes in a room and there's a few other people in the room they would greet everyone in the room except me. When they do that I think they are doing it intentionally and that it's something personal. Some people also take up my personal space like I'm not even there. Then there's other times when I would be talking to someone and another person would cut me off, but that doesn't happen as much as it use to. I think a lot of people do this because I'm different and they are just jerks, but sometimes I think it might be something else too because some of the people that are doing this seem really nice to everyone else. Sometimes it feels like they are holding some kind of grudge against me and they seem to think I know what I did wrong, but I don't. I'm not sure what to do when this happens because I don't want to make it worse than it already is.

Has anyone else had this happen to them? How did you deal with it?

That sounds like exactly the same kind of thing that happens to me.

I have often wondered about this, and why it might happen.

I just think that certain people are actually extremely ignorant.

If they do that to me, then I treat them as if they do not exist as well.

It is the only way that I can deal with them.

Welcome to WP by the way.

The same thing happens to me as well, and I've also wondered the same things.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

There are a number of reasons someone might greet everyone but you:

1) They know everyone else or have seen them before
2) You seem busy or aren't making eye contact like the others
3) Your body language communicates unfriendliness

And yes...

4) Without ever having heard a word from you, they dislike you

There aren't a lot of 4's in the world, though.

To a large extent, people with Asperger Syndrome and High Functioning Autism are invisible, in the sense that all those nonverbal social signals they pass back and forth between them create a sort of subtle web of information between all the neurotypical people in the room, and since we don't send out those same silent signals, in effect we fall below their radar as if we weren't there at all.

Oh, they SEE us, in a physical sense, but we don't register in their minds at all, because we aren't sending out any of those body language or eye contact messages that say "Hey - look at me, I'm over here!"

I experienced this throughout High School - at the first school I went to, I didn't know anyone and it was a big school, so I was quite literally invisible, as nobody even knew my name. In the second one, it was a much smaller town and my family was in a socially prominent position, so everybody knew who I was and they were quite friendly when they did notice me, but I could stand in a room full of 50 people who all knew me on a first name basis and they would laugh and talk all evening long and never speak to me once. They didn't realize they were being rude or hurtful to me, because they saw me, they knew who I was and they just automatically expected me to join in, and when I didn't get right in their faces and talk to them, they all assumed I was interacting with someone else.

So at the end of the evening, they all assumed I'd had as good a time as they had, just because they saw me there. Nobody ever seemed to notice that I spent the entire evening fading into the wallpaper, completely alone, because I didn't have the social skills to know how to blend into the conversations.

@ Coffeebean, it might have something to do with the signal that I'm giving off in some cases because I don't always smile that much. I also don't look at people that much when are talking to others because I tend to stare when I look at others.

I know the people that do this to me and have even talked to some of them. It seems like a lot of people are friendly with me at first and then it's like they sense that I'm different and then they are rude to me.

I usually talk to the people that are nice to me or smile if I don't know what to say.

I've had it happen and it's awful. One thing that has helped me was when someone with good social skills who values people and is kind noticed, and chose to take a stand for me. By speaking to me like I'm a person, they set an example that others follow. If there is anyone who you can be around who will have a conversation in front of others, it may open some minds, or at least get people behaving differently toward you.

Yes, there's some people that talk to me and treat me with respect and it helps. I think it depends who I'm around. Some people I had to be around had no respect for me and then other times most people are nice to me.

Thanks everyone for the replies and advice.

Last edited by slw1990 on 13 Feb 2014, 2:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Being bullied and ostracised(socially excluded and isolated) for no fault of my own forced me to quit multiple schools and the only job I ever had to end up a socially inept hermit.

True dat.

aspie19828, I'm sorry that happened to you. Sometimes I have days where I want to avoid doing things where I have to be around people because I feel paranoid around a lot of them. I know what it's like to want to stay away from people sometimes.

Last edited by slw1990 on 15 Feb 2014, 8:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I've had people treat me like I'm not there, but then again maybe there is something about me that communicates unfriendliness or weirdness that they don't like. I mean, that if I were in a group of people I might not want to talk to myself because I looked weird and creepy. There are people out there and I'm not saying you but just people in general that look creepy or give off a creepy feeling. I've also had people stare at me or look at me like I'm a freak too, and they obviously notice me. They either know that I'm there and treat me like I'm not there or they stare at me like I'm a freak. I Can't decide which one is worse. I would say that when you are comfortable with who you are and yourself maybe you will gain more confidence and start to approach that person instead of the other way around.

Well, I tend to be quiet and I have been told that it's easy to forget that I'm there, and once I was even locked in a classroom because the teacher didn't notice I was left.

In all fairness, quiet people are easy to forget. There were a few classmates throughout the years who were as quiet as me, and when I hung with some in recess and another quiet one was there, I would forget they were there too.



It can backfire too though. If, like me, someone is often lost for things to say, or if the person is someone who has a tendency to say the wrong thing, it'll just establish even stronger that that person is weird and off and they will just be publicly ridiculed. Also if it's obvious that in their eyes they are trying to come to my rescue, I'd be so embarrassed and humiliated I'd just wanna get out of there.



That's how most people are for me both IRL and online. IRL I don't notice them as other than physical things in the way. Most people go under my radar, very few register in my mind.