Argghhh!! !!

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Yesterday i bought a beautiful dining table with six chairs for a very cheap price. I asked my GF father if he could help me move and store it. He happily agreed to do it for me, all said and done. We arrive at the place where the seller stored the furniture. We load the stuff in the car and we discussed compensating him for expenses etc. My GF asked me if they could come over for a cup of coffee but decided not to because she had to work and she'd be too late for work if she did that. So i thanked them for helping me out. I drive back home and i receive an app several hours later saying she's disappointed in me. I asked her why. Well because:

1. I didn't invite them over for coffee
2. She moved the table with her father, and that's something a guy is supposed to do.
3. I was passive and didn't show initiative.

I was and still am angry that she said that. I told her that i wanted to move the table but she and her father did it so instead i helped with the chairs and such. Yesterday we had an argument about this all day long. Today we have an argument about this all day long. Tomorrow will probably not be different. To make things worse she has done this many times she suddenly explodes over things that annoy her. Then she will spend several days being angry about it and we have to talk about it even though more often then not the things she's angry about are minor things.

It makes me angry and sad that she does this. I love her so much, I am doing my outmost best for our future. I support her when she needs me, emotionally, financially, etc. And she does the same for me. We are almost two years together now. We had so many indescribable beautiful moments together, our vacation in Spain, discussing our future, our future home, etc. And she does things like this; going berserk over nothing at all. Talked about this with other people, everyone says her behavior is abnormal and that they respect me for being able to tolerate her for so long but i absolutely don't want to lose her. I just love her way too much. Would do anything for her. Never met a girl like her in my life.

I know i am just too soft for her. When she goes berserk i take the blame on me and agree with most of what she says and try to change. I decided to do different now. Told her she should stop, that she is going way too far in her behavior. Just hope she doesn't decide to dump me. She said she's done with me before i told her to stop, not sure if she is serious. Hope not, if i lose her..... well i don't know what would happen but it would take very long for me to get over it.

Things like this make me depressed. I love her so much, we have so much fun together, we support each other. Friends and other people even compliment us for being such a fantastic and romantic couple.

Sigh.

Cut her loose. This girl is not right for you.

She will bash you over the head with her inflexible notions of what constitute masculinity and social grace, until you are miserable. Judgmental people like that will beat you down until you believe that you're defective and a bad person for being who you are. She thinks she can change you, like training a dancing monkey, but she's wrong.

It's not in your nature to be socially aggressive or gregarious, because autism teaches us, over a lifetime of painful and embarrassing experience, that when we are in doubt as to what to do in a social situation, it is generally best to stand aside and do nothing, rather than get in the way and step on everyone's toes.

She can't change the way your brain works, it's wired from the inside. But she will most definitely make your life a living hell trying. Been there, done that. Multiple times.

You know, deep down on the inside I desperately want to believe that you are wrong but something tells me you are right. Sigh, I wish I could her tell to stop doing that and just go and love each other like we normally do. Its moment like these I really wish I wasn't autistic. If I wasn't my life with her would probably be a lot better but that's just wish full thinking. Worst part is the moments when she tells me or texts me how much she loves me, how sweet I am for her, how much I care for her, etc. I mean her life wasn't and still isn't a walk in the park for her. Her father lost his job, her mother suffers from a disease that affects her muscles. Her brother is autistic, her sister has mental problems and her ex-boyfriend was excuse my language a gigantic d-bag and all I am trying to do is be a good boyfriend for her yet she doesn't seem to realize how good I am for her.

Why cant she just accept me for who I am? I am going to wait for this weekend, see how it works out. She's probably going to cut me loose before I do. Sigh, I should have known this was too good to be true. Told her a million time I am autistic, I got aspergers.

Thanks for you help Willard! I really hoped there is something I could to make her snap out of this but that's me fooling myself.

Hello Zeddy, i agree with Willard too.

You can't change yourself for her, just as much as she can't change herself for you.

Either of you could try, like you have been doing yourself, but it's very unlikely to lead to a happy relationship.

If you are both willing to compromise then there is a chance, but having the stress and confusion created by her "explosions" shows this is not happening now, do you want to wait for a chance that things will change.

I'm afraid it seems like you are not best suited to each other.

You need to find someone else who will accept you as you and for you to find them acceptable too. Then you have a chance of a happy relationship.

Good luck, whatever you choose to do.

Hi,

Thanks Neilson,

There's no way to describe how i am feeling now. I cant stop but think of every beatifull moment together with her. She made my life so awesome. All the thing swe did together, i have never done before i met her! I just cant stop crying. I really thought i found the one for me. I thought i knew how it felt to be depressed but this i have never felt before. Im not even in the mood to do anything anymore, just wanna crawl in my bed and cry.

I wish this was all just a bad dream and i would wake up to see her smiling and tell me she loves me and hold me like she always did.

Maybe you are right, maybe she wants to compromise but maybe im just fooling myself again.

I mailed my psychriatrist, hopefully he can help me somehow deal with all of this.

Have you guys finished or are you just expecting it to go that way?

We havent finished but i honestly dont know. Maybe its the end of the line for our relation or maybe not. I dont know, she was supposed to sleep at my house this weekend, now i honestly dont know. The thing she apps me give me the impression she doesnt want to give up on me. We where supposed to go to a concert with her and my parents this weekend. Her father got the tickets for us she is supposed to take with her this weekend. Sigh, so now i gotta deal with that s**t too, yay.

From all the issues with her family, her going berserk is probably just a release of all the stress that builds up over time. I'm not making excuses for her behaviour, it is still not acceptable.

I have personal experience of trying to keep a relationship going long after it should have ended. At the moment you have all these positive memories that are making you down, keep hold of these and try to see them for what they are, the good times in your life. If you end up in the same situation that I did, all the positives will be extinguished by an overload of negatives, and there will be no good memories left to savour at all.

You can gamble on trying to stay together, and hope you will both grow to fit better together, if you lose the bet then the damage will be greater.

Otherwise move on now, stay friends if you can, she does sound like she has a very good side to her as well.

Last edited by neilson_wheels on 11 Apr 2014, 7:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

My experience has been that yes, getting over such things sucks and it takes a long time. Believe it or not, during such times I frequently remind myself that joy and sorrow are the warp and woof from which the tapestry of my life is woven. Corny, but sometimes Victorian Romanticism can be a helpful emotional coping mechanism for me. That, and trying to treat relationship grieving as a process along the lines of Kubler-Ross' ideas.

Well, i am taking the gamble. This weekend is the big test so to speak. She's gonna come over and stay with me this weekend but she's not happy about it and she isnt happy to see me either. I made it pretty clear to her that im going to take charge over our relationship this weekend. If it works it might save our relationship and lessen the chance of her having going berserk. If it doesnt work then our relationship is over.

She does have a very good side to her, i cant deny that. An incredible good and sweet side to her! Everyday i wake up i find myself smiling from happiness that she is my girlfriend despite all the problems in our relationship. But she carries alot of emotional baggage with her too. When i got into a relationship with her she was still walking around with all the emotional damage caused to her by her ex-boyfriend. That she managed to deal with, i still remember the way she looked at me when she thanked for me being there for her. What saddens me though is all the crap that happened during our relationship: problems with her work, her mother and father, etc etc. We had awhole lot of good moments together but all the bad things have left a scar on her soul. It makes me feel miserable that she has to deal with all that crap, she's such a good person, always willingly to care and help others.



Victorian Romanticism? Never heard of it but it does sound interesting!

Good luck Zeddy, sounds like you need to work some calm down magic on her first.