HELP!

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I'm a twenty-seven year old autistic woman who is basically being held hostage by their parents. My mother NOW is trying to get me diagnosed with a mental illness. My mom says it is so I will be more likely to receive SSI; but I never wanted to get SSI in the first place and I believe she is truly guilty of fraud.
She has forced me to lie via emotional blackmail and pretend to be lower functioning autistic than I actually am when we went for the main physiological assessment. She's even forced me to lie to my psychiatrist and for years refused to let me see a therapist for what probably was some sort of PTSD from the years I spent being bullied (not only by other children) in public school.
I was taken out and home-schooled since the fifth grade but sheltered from the everyday world is a better term for what was happening. Whenever I tried to speak out, my mom would pull out the same emotional blackmail she used to get me to lie about being more disabled than I actually am.
She fits most (if not all) of the traits of an "emotional abuser". I ask her all the time to look that term up on the internet but she refuses and says she doesn't have too since she is not an "emotional abuser." Yet she then turns around and says I am emotionally abusing her. I never implied to hurt or get back at her when I told her I felt like I was being "emotionally abused", but I can't help but feel like she accuses me of the same as a form of revenge.
I've been sick for months now. At least since March. It's a perpetual nausea that seems to last but goes away my parents aren't around. I want to get a job so I will be able to afford my own apartment but no one is going to be willing to hire someone who is sick all the time. My parents say I can't get an apartment until I have a job. They refuse to accept any possibility that the stress they are causing me is so bad. I kinda have a feeling it will not go away until I am away from for real...and not just physically out of the house but still on the property like this time they tried to set me up in this shack that had no plumbing and wasn't completely finished either so I could get "away" from them. They expected me to go to the bathroom in this portable camping toilet and the idea of my own waste just sitting there like that repulsed me to the point of actually feeling sick.

I never used it and when I did have to go, I just went back into the house...despite it still being winter and if I would have continued to do that, I would have possibly gotten pneumonia or something. I was getting sick already and sleeping on an air mattress out in the shed. I was always finding little pieces of debris in my bed too. I suspected I could have had appendicitis and I didn't want to have little pieces of debris getting caught in my incisions if I was going to have surgery. Anyway, it just wasn't working out, and was even making me get sicker. When I wanted to move out, I wanted to be somewhere that wasn't on my parent's property or a situation where they were still holding the "leash".

She has kept me so sheltered that I do not even know how to drive a car. I also never truly finished high school. I want to get my GED and go forward with my goal of becoming a veterinarian. A goal my mother has never truly been fond of. As young as the third or fourth grade, I was told I should give it up and focus on being a veterinary technician instead. Because in her eyes, I would never be able to pass the college math requirements. I believed her for years but one day it just dawned on me that my mom had no leg to stand on when saying that because she herself had never tried to apply for vet school and everyone I had talked too who had said it was mostly a science based education. I also realized I was not as bad at math as everyone had assumed...just basic arithmetic. but I found algebra a BREEZE.

I took Temple Grandin's advice and tried geometry a bit before algebra and I can't help but wonder if that helped. All the math things regular people found "hard", such as fractions, geometry and algebra were a BREEZE to me. But whenever I would finally get my confidence built back up, my mom would come along and knock it back down again but I wasn't going to let her kill my dream again and I realized the hardest part about getting into vet school wasn't going to be my grades.

It was the same person who you think would have been my cheerleader. I think it's simply because she never knew how to be one. She's always talked about how her father would beat her with a paddle if she so much as looked at the man wrong. She's been in denial for years and always blames herself for the abuse. Her main way of dealing with problems is to deny them. She refuses to see a therapist herself because she claims she deserved it and got through.

I don't want to press any legal charges, but I am desperate to get away from her. My father is very physically ill with Parkinson's and possible sinus cancer and he isn't exactly going to qualify for "father of the year" anytime soon. I wasn't even five years old yet and when I had an autistic "meltdown", he would threaten to punch my teeth out and even literally throw me into walls.

My mother still to this day tells me that it was my fault he did what he did. Everyone would always remark on how my father and I were never very "close", truth has it, I was/am TERRIFIED of the man. I used to think it was perfectly normal for fathers to be total jerks to their kids until I started going to school and hearing about how much the other kids idolized their fathers.

The man also even encouraged me to torture and kill certain kinds of animals he personally found despicable...snakes. He would take me out with a pocket knife and encourage me to cut up harmless garter snakes and the poor things probably died in excruciating pain.

Can't help but wonder if this is part of the reason I want to go into reptiles and exotics if I am by some miracle ever able to be a veterinarian for real. To make up for what I did to them as a kid...even though it wasn't really my fault. Plus it was a reptile that helped to cure me of my agoraphobia and social anxiety. A bearded dragon called Pippin.

I would take her into town with me and you do not see too many lizards here in Ohio so people naturally were going to ask questions and those who were brave enough would even ask if they could pet her. People often suggest parents of autistic children get them a puppy so they can learn social skills and confidence by answering requests to pet it.

Bearded dragons and reptiles in general are not something you see every day in Southwest Ohio so I got swamped with more questions than I would had Pippin been canine, even if she were some very exotic breed like a Chinese Crested or a Komondor. By answering people's questions, which were mostly genuine curiosity based, (the most common questions Chinese Crested and Komondor "owners" (I hate that term "owner" in regards to a living creature) are asked "Does your dog have cancer?" or "Is your dog a Rastafarian?" which seem more like taunts than actual questions.

With Pippin, I never received a single taunt and I was able to realize that not all human beings were bullies. This lizard also prevented me from committing suicide simply by having something/someone to stay alive for who truly made me feel like the appreciated me. People who claim reptiles are not capable of feeling emotion change their minds after they meet Pippin and even hardcore reptile haters are reformed.

But my mom is determined to not let me bring her with me if I do get a place of my own.
She claims its because Pippin is sick (Pippin WAS sick, but she's getting better) and that I would not be able to get her to the vet and back. I can't but help but feel my mom is trying to withhold me having her with me as a way to control me. I always suspected my mom was jealous of Pippin because Pippin honestly is more lovable. First of all Pippin never makes me feel ashamed of myself. Ever since Pippin got sick, she apparently is supposed to have this special food force fed to her. The package says it's only supposed to be given for ten days but my mom insists the vet said Pippin will need it for the rest of her life. Anyhow, Pippin will not eat this stuff willingly (even the dogs back away when they sniff it) and has to be wrapped up in a towel while one person holds her mouth open and the other squeezes it into her mouth via syringe. My mom has snapped at me so many times about how I'm not holding Pippin the right way or that I was the one who broke her tail or that I will break her tail or that I don't pick Pippin up properly that I'm now honestly afraid to hold Pippin when my mother is around. My mom uses this to her advantage.

Yet my mom always seems to speak to me with this sarcastic, condescending tone and never tries to change it even when I ask. I once asked her how come she is allowed to speak to me like that without question but I have to be "sweet and cheery" all the time and she ran into the bed room and locked the door. My mom claims I am holding her and my father "hostage" but she is the one who is always threatening to leave or go away if I don't back off or leave her alone. She says she will go to my brother's (who is currently stationed in North Carolina with the military) house and when I asked why I couldn't go there instead, she said he doesn't want or need me around to "disrupt his family".
She accuses me of "badgering" her when I'm simply trying to address something is bothering me. Yet if she wants something from me or wants me to ask someone something, she will "badger" me and will get upset when I accuse her of being a hypocrite.

I have three older brothers but in their eyes, wanting to be an adult at twenty seven years of age and doing adult things such as driving, going to college and making my own money and not leaching off everyone else and finally being able to let my guard down once in a while and not walk on verbal eggshells all the time with my own parents is nothing but pure selfishness.


One even went so far as to tell me that I need to put my own dreams on hold so my parents can live theirs. I've been putting my dreams on hold for years and would live to go to college sometime before I am fifty. Besides isn't it their job as parents to help their children meet their dreams? I was adopted as a baby but everyone thinks I should be grateful and essentially worship my parents for doing so...even if my parents do abuse me and make me feel ashamed of myself for no logical reason. The other told me I just have a "bad attitude" and the third is in the military so I doubt he could help even if he wanted too. If my mother gets her way and is able to have me diagnosed with a mental illness, I can sure kiss my dream of being a vet goodbye. I have to face enough stigma as it is dealing with autism. Temple Grandin is an animal behaviorist, not a veterinarian and her mother didn't shelter her from the world like mine does.


I've BEGGED my therapist to help me move out and find a place of my own, and help me get out of here and start anew on my own but she insists on making appointments for face to face meetings with my mother. I can't drive because I was never allowed to learn how and there is no bus service in this town...at least within walking distance. I'm dependent on my mom to get me anywhere and she refuses to make an appointment with the therapist.

Maybe I am just being a selfish, ungrateful brat, but even ungrateful brats are prone to stress once in a while and the stress I'm facing now is starting to affect me physically. I've basically been bed ridden for months due to terrible migraine headaches and nausea. Which are pretty much gone when my mother is away. But all my therapist can do is tell me to stay calm and not hurt myself. Yes, I appreciate her advice but it obviously isn't getting me anywhere. I'm also CONSTANTLY being accused of being "rude", If I have just a slight hint of aggravation or stress in my voice, I get yelled at for being "rude." My dad also used to threaten to punch my teeth out if I didn't stop with the "smartass attitude". My mom claims I go "catatonic" if she is speaking to someone else when we are out in public. Yeah, because if I'm scared to death she will accuse me of being "rude".

I remain quiet because I usually have nothing to say and am just trying to be polite. My mom is one of those kinds of people that is an angel when other people are around, but behind closed doors, she can be a monster. I hate to say this about my own mother, but I have too because it's true and I'm running out of options. I think she could even be considered as a "pathological liar".
Maybe I am just being an ungrateful brat, but I'd like to hear it from someone outside of the family first because I believe it. I want to get out of this but no one believes me when I try to tell them how cruel my mom is lately. No one seems to want to help me either. I simply just want to get out get my own apartment (a cardboard box would be preferable to this) GED, driver's license and get my bachelor's degree. I can't drive and have no idea where to go.

She sometimes even uses my money for groceries and little things like that. This I am okay with because she usually does try to return it when she gets the chance. I don't know if that sort of thing is acceptable in the eyes of the feds but not allowing me to use it to get an apartment because...well I could go on until the cows come home with the excuses she gives about why I can't use my SSI money right now for an apartment. THIS is what I am angry about and why I'm contacting the police. I CAN'T reason with her. Once she gets an idea in her head, THAT's how it is and moving mountains is easier than getting her to change her mind or admit wrong. If she would just apologize and help me get an apartment that isn't affiliated with assisted living. I have nothing against assisted living but my mom will not help me unless it's an apartment or home or something for people that need assisted living.
I just wish I could have the chance to try living in my own place like a regular person first. But my mom refuses to hear that.

The therapist didn't know what a "competency evaluation" even was. The attorney the cop suggested doesn't even handle my kind of case and the other wasn't even within walking distance like he said. Uh, should he know beforehand himself before suggesting them to people? I do keep a diary and a word document of what they say and do to me. I just figured it was a good thing to do.

My parents are my payees and today talked as if I could get my own place if I was able to afford it. There is a place around here that would. I don't know why they're so upset because EVERYTHING I told the police was true. My mom refuses to admit she forced me to lie about how functioning i was or wasn't. Now she says she wanted me to stay calm to I did not have a "meltdown".

Like I said, she can be a pathological liar. My mom was pissed that I did not have a meltdown in the hospital so they could see that I have problems.

Maybe it's a sign I don't? Besides, my mom is the only person I have meltdowns around anyway. NO ONE drives me to the same level of frustration as she does... According to her, this is because I need someone to "blame" and have picked her as my personal scapegoat. I'm only telling the truth, I don't do that around other people. I don't do it around her anymore but it doesn't matter. She won't get off my case about having borderline personality disorder, an unspecified mood disorder or that I am "mentally ill".

My mom screams at me that she never stole my money or stole from me...yet she refuses to let me get my own apartment despite there being a place here that I could afford.
My mom says I need to learn how to control my frustration and not bang my head into walls. Yet she refuses to accept it when I try to tell her the only one I do (or did, I'm extra careful around her now) that around is her. She's a pathological liar and can't see it. But then do pathological liars realize they are lying in the first place? Her story always changes when she's called out on it.

I called the local police, trying to alert them to SSI fraud but they didn't believe me and sided with my mom. My mom is nice and sweet to me when other people are around, but when we are alone, it's a different story and for years I felt like the only reason I was adopted was so they could have a scapegoat.

I applied for a job at Petsmart, three different ones. When I tried to tell my parents about it, they went on and on about how one of them was too far (Colerain) and that I could never get there. I reminded them about the CTC bus THEY told me about that supposedly will come to your house and pick you up if you call in advance. I looked them up and they do exist. They only make stops around the county but will drop you off at bus stops for the big metro buses that go into Cincinnati.

I told my parents I could always take the CTC bus to a metro stop until I get to Colerain and they refused to hear it and my mom just laughed at me and made me feel stupid. She later came by my room to excuse herself by claiming it was "Like when someone trips but doesn't get hurt and a giggle just comes out." I NEVER heard "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings." But then my mom has this mindset that if she did not intend to hurt my feelings, than I'm in the wrong if I find her words or actions hurtful or offensive and she has no need to apologize.

you are ever so right that your parents are abusive. you need to change payees ASAP. here in PA, the mental health association can be an objective payee. and as far as them not letting you work: "she who say it can't be done is silenced by she who is doing it." you can work part-time and still get SSI. after a certain amount, your benefit will be reduced by $1 for every $2 you earn. please feel free to PM me.

Check out blogs written by survivors of narcissistic mothers. Might ring some bells for you.

I just want to get away from my parents right now. Worry about a job later when I won't be getting sick all the time at the thought of having to go back to them. I go to county developmental disabilities and a mental/emotional abuse victim advocate has been talking to them about my situation since I have no idea what to say to them and am so scared to death I would not be believed.

Have you tried calling your local Social Security office and tell them what you've told us?

Yep. Any of the blogs explain how they were able to get away from them and on with their own lives? I'm speaking with an advocate for victims of narcissistic abuse. I'm going to county developmental disabilities to see if I qualify for services from them and the advocate has contacted them in advance and told them what's going on. I can only hope they will believe me and the advocate and can get me and Pippin out of his hellhole.

You'll meet a few survivors who escaped and went no contact on House of Mirrors by Lisette.

I filed a fraud complaint on the SSI main website.

shooting yourself in the foot. you need either SSI or a job or both to get away from your mom.

[quote="B19"]You'll meet a few survivors who escaped and went no contact on House of Mirrors by Lisette.[/quote

^^^This. Seriously. Immediately if not sooner. Until a year and a half ago, I believed that somehow it was my fault for being sexually abused as a child [and they never stop] beaten, forced to eat vomit and feces and having my life threatened on a regular basis. I was told over and over again that I was and am a liar. When I read Lissettes' site,it was as though we all had families who commiserated on their torture methods.

I think there ARE spoiled, ungrateful complainers. But they do not repeatedly state that maybe what is going on is their fault. You did repeatedly. Check out "House of Mirrors" If you hear snippets of your own life being told over and over again, you will be able to see that you are not alone.

You are 27 years old. I was almost 58 before I was able to "stop paying for their sins." My first husband tried for over 18 years to help me see I needed to go no contact. Up until a couple weeks before he died. My current husband [who loves EVERYONE] accepted them for the first 13 years or so, while they made a few others their primary scapegoats.
It was not until a family member who had protected me was dying that they turned their venom full force back on me. My current husband and most of my kids tried to convince me to go no contact. It was years later [after sister convinced several people I was faking cancer] that I could no longer make excuses for them.

I am telling you this so that you do not spend most of your life believing that you are worthless, as I did. Please feel free to pm me.

By the way, if you tell social security that you presented as lower functioning than you are for your ssi hearing, even though your mother influenced you, you will be the one in trouble. Also, [unfortunately] legally your parents only have to give you $30 spending money a month.

Also, if for whatever reason you are [at least for now] not the poster child for emotional stability, that is NO EXCUSE for anyone to be allowed to abuse you.

I regret that I had not been able to send this message to my 27 year old self. Good Luck.

^ This.

Plus you can also go to a woman's shelter if you want to get out of there asap. Its temporary at least.

There is also a "Ticket to Work"program, and one other [ it may be called the PASS plan]that allows you to save money without it affecting your ssi. I forget what it is called. As far as shelters, generally, for MANY reasons, it would probably be preferable for you to get into a shelter specificly for abused women. They are cleaner. They provide counseling. They often speed up public housing. You will not have to leave it early every morning,carrying all of your possesions with you. And you will most likely be treated better by staff.

All of them are full and I have no way of getting to one.

All of them are full and I have no way of getting to one. I can't drive and there is no bus service in walking distance.

You could keep calling them... and also ask them for resources and help.

The local Church may also be a wealth of information..even if you don't believe in religion the pastors usually know what gov. agency or any other organization you could contact for assistance.

There's also the woman's abuse hotline and other such services.

Don't give up trying.

I'm Christian BTW. No particular domination but my mom keeps insisting I go to the local Catholic parish and ask the priest to baptize me. I don't want to be Catholic! And I'm supposed to meet with someone from county developmental disabilities on Friday. I've been speaking to an advocate for victims of narcissistic abuse and she's been speaking to the people at county DD, giving them a head's up about what goes on between my mom and I behind closed doors. The advocate suggested I bring my diary (which I've been using to record everything my mom does to me) and just answer everything honestly...which is what I've been doing the whole time anyway.