I have such a horrible time with that!
I always wait for people to talk to me, and even then, I tend to be awkward. Still, here's what I think from theory:
1.) "I like your shirt". This is good for displaying a friendliness towards a person. Not a very workable number of people take care of their appearance so much that they could say, "Thanks, I got it at Target, you can get really cute shoes kind of like what you're wearing now, yadda yadda..." unless they're really charismatic. Then, even after such formalities, not many are truly interested in clothes enough to think "Gosh, I should call up Amy Irkenberg so we can talk more about Target!". No. What this comment, or "nice bag", "cool hair", "great coat", does is say, "I feel no or little objection to talking to you, and my minimally positive opinion leaves me with little logic to not accept your further attempts at conversation." They have to then decide if they find you interesting and take their chances. In my life, I go to a highschool where I am in BOCES classes and squeak inhumanly. "I like your skirt" is huge, because it means the classmate finds me okay. Likewise, they need to know that I am not disdainful of them due to my quiet and solitary nature, so I might tell a girl, "I like your shirt".
2.) So hook them in more. Why do you like this person? Because they're great at ping pong? Are they always reading cool books? Can they sing well? If they're just nice, skip to 3. Now, saying, "You're great at ping-pong! Is this what you do in your free time?" lets them tell you about deeper aspects of their lives. Then you can say something that is parallel to their lives. If you asked them what books they like and why, take their interest in mystery novels and process it. Have you ever read of a murder case recently? Played a mystery game? Watched Sherlock? Try saying something like, "Do you like Sherlock? No? Why?" I have a theory that people wait to tell you about what they don't like. Telling you immediately will give you a more well-rounded perspective of them and make the relationship seem more natural. I haven't tested this theory, though, or even critically evaluated it yet.
3.) Nice. It's like, why we like most people, but it says nothing for interests compatibility. So take the blessing to hop in and ask them! They're nice, which means in the usual case that they want to be friendly with everyone. They'll talk and listen to you. Still, their social life is likely more busy than average, so be patient.
4.) After all this, get out of your shared environment. Whether it be school, work, or a club, establish an individual basis for the relationship, not circumstantial. Make sure that you both have shared your interests enough for them to not find a coffee shop awkward. Then talk about what you have been, but without the restraint of business to get to! This also goes for friends' friends and relatives. Just make sure they know that you like them enough to go out of your way to spend time with them.
02 Oct 2014, 9:27 pm
