How to have a social life... when options are limited

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Pretty much at the end of my rope here and I'm not sure where else to turn because 1) therapists are useless, 2) parents brush me off, and 3) I have no close friends (or really, any friends at all) to turn to for advice. Diagnosed Aspergers/bipolar and on steady medication, for reference; I'd consider myself "high-functioning" since most people never seem to guess something's up unless I outright tell them. Go me, I guess?

So basically I feel stuck. Super, duper, miserably stuck. I can't drive a car due to my condition(s) - I don't even HAVE a car to drive, and public transportation is completely worthless to nonexistent out here - and I live in a suburb full of snobby rich people. Given that I'm a young woman in my 20s and suffering from aforementioned transportation issues, this situation is not exactly conducive to meeting people in my age/interest group.

Recently I made the decision to go back to school. I thought this would be a great opportunity to interact with like-minded peers... nope. I'm going into IT and feel completely alienated from my classmates; they're either significantly older, so much so that it would be awkward to hang out, or just don't want anything to do with me (except if they're a creepy dude in their 40s, then they want everything to do with me, this has happened at least three times now I s**t you not). I try to be friendly and socialize in class to no avail.

I also tried joining a hobby club, as a casual anime fan, but it didn't suit me. I don't know about you guys, but I like having a pretty noisy time when I'm watching stuff with friends, MST3K style. These people? Sat around and stared at a screen for an hour in complete silence. Not my cup of tea.

I also, also tried joining a local hangout group, thinking they might have a few meetings near me. They don't, and are now on the verge of closing as of this time of writing.

My online circle is vast. Face-to-face, not so much, and I don't know what to do or even try anymore. Mom does her best but doesn't seem to understand that moving out here has effectively railroaded me. I haven't hung out with someone my own age in years, YEARS, and I get so bitter and jealous of my online friends who can go out whenever they want, have fun at conventions, and basically have a life that apparently I'm not allowed to have. I can't attend any support groups because they all meet at night, and I'm completely reliant on someone else for transportation. Needless to say, they don't go out at night.

What can I do? Is there some super obvious solution I haven't found yet? I'm a fairly logical person and like to think I've learned from past mistakes, and can approach matters reasonably, but just thinking about this honestly makes me want to cry.

tl;dr when does my life start, and how do I get there? I'm all ears.

In your instance, I'd first point to location. Whatever you can do to prioritize the ability to get out of there is probably your best chance of making more offline friends in the future. I don't know if it's the only thing (I'm clueless about my own situation), but the middle of nowhere is never a good place to be. People who don't fit the mold need a variety of people to pick from.

I'm taking IT classes and am having the complete opposite experience, though. While I still have no friends, people are at least willing to talk to me and it's the closest thing I have to a social life. Leaving my books out in the cafe occasionally invites company, too, and I was recently able to have an hour with a couple other students before their classes and after mine. No creepy 40-year-olds here. Anyone older is perfectly polite, if they talk at all.

I can sympathize with feeling trapped, though. All the conventional solutions, including looking for other people with Asperger's, have failed.

Last edited by downbutnotout on 22 Jan 2015, 12:10 am, edited 2 times in total.

It is absolutely location, I'm positive (and hello, fellow Minnesotan, that's exactly where I'm stuck too). I really cannot stand the PA culture here and being a straightforward person, who is also kind of loud/obnoxious at times I will admit, does not jive well with that mold.

If it helps for context, I'm going to a community college, which... you know, you lower your expectations to a certain degree, I get that, but even my instructors have been less than helpful. It's a tough situation all around and I'm currently focusing my efforts on job hunting to get out of here ASAP. Every time I've gone into the Twin Cities I've fallen in love, so I'm hoping to find SOMETHING soon that'll make that happen.

Pretty much the same over here.

My instructors are a mixed bag. Some of them have been fantastic while others seem to just read from lab sheets and can't tell me anything. I spend a lot of time reading on my own and talking to people with more experience online who can help me round out my knowledge to make up for it. If you ever want to go over some stuff and have someone to bounce ideas off, feel free to talk to me.

I think one of the problems with making friends in vocational schools and community colleges is that there are a lot of people who come and go. I was talking to a student behind me in one class, but it's attendance-optional and he also works full-time. He seems to be off doing something else during the times the class is physically together (probably sleeping), so there's no opportunity unless he starts showing up again to pursue anything.

I've only been in the Twin Cities a few times, but it seems like a paradise for someone who likes unusual people and needs public transportation. Not that I've seen much, but they seem friendly to everyone from geeks to gays. I'm in a town just outside where there's not a lot to do and even fewer social gatherings.

Have you looked at the meetup.com for groups that might be interesting?

Unfortunately, that hangout group I mentioned was from meetup.com. I just got an e-mail today from the leader, who's stepping down. I haven't found many others willing to meet outside the cities, which are just not feasible for me for the most part.

downbutnotout: which area of IT are you studying? I'm going into cybersecurity myself. Just got my Security+ cert, for all the good it's done me -- considering taking down my resume from Monster for all the worthless spam I've gotten from them.

Networking. I'm plan on taking both my A+ and CCNA. My school offers internships, which is a bonus.

To be honest, cybersecurity sounds more interesting.

The school I go to boasts of its ~super special~ cybersecurity program. It's definitely a really cool field, I'd recommend it to anyone interested in IT, now I just have the matter of getting my foot in the door... not so easy.

I heard the CCNA was tough. Or at least it looks tough, given the scope of the material. I gave up after the first CCNA-1 course here since it was taught by someone totally incompetent, and he taught the rest of the sequence, too. Sad day.

I hear conflicting things about jobs in security... both that they're incredibly abundant, and that they're incredibly abundant once you have experience. Either way, I hope you find something to start out with soon.

I remember my first CCNA course as being an overview of routing protocols, addressing, CIDR, LANs, basic troubleshooting, and cabling. Is that what you were doing? I think it's easy to get lost in if the instructor doesn't lay down the fundamentals properly.

Supposedly, VLSM trips up a lot of people new to networking and is on the CCNA exam. I've got that covered at this point, so I'm feeling pretty okay about it.