Loneliness

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I've been lonely my entire life. I have horrible social skills. I often end up offending people and/or hurting their feelings. I couldn't maintain a healthy relationship if my life depended on it.
People just think I'm "that weird guy", and people only ever associate themselves with me when they are able to exploit my skills to meet their ends.

I often say I don't care about people, say socializing is a waste of time, and I'd rather do something productive than associate myself with people because they waste my time. I say I couldn't care less about socializing. And most of the time, I end up making myself believe all that. But, deep down, I know its not. I always have to maintain a persona to hide my true feelings, and to hide the hurt.

I've been a loner my entire life. I can see people my age have fun with their friends, have romantic relationships, and at the same time, I can see how much I'm incapable of all that, and how much I've never had any of those things. I once had a romantic relationship with a girl, and I couldn't make it last a week. Nobody likes talking to me, or being with me.

As time goes on, the sadness keeps building up, and I have to work ever harder to not let it show.

Everytime I try to make a friend, I end up screwing up everything, and each time, I screw it up worse. A few years back, I somehow managed to make a couple of friends, and I was so ecstatic, I ended up destroying what I had.

I can only try to not be alone so many times before giving up. I know people would say "keep trying". But at some point, I have to just accept the fact that I'm going to be living a lonely miserable depressing life until I die. I'm so pathetic.

I can definitely relate to this. It seems that in my life, everyone eventually leaves. Nobody texts me first. Even my recent engagement failed.

I feel very much the same. As a youth, I had primary mates that collectively, were annoying. But I was worse off come high school. I had a pal of sorts who got picked on for being from Niddry (an area of my city that gets slagged off a lot). After school, I had some bad spells, mainly due to not getting a girlfriend. Now I'd rather get on Badoo and contact random girls, as I think people on Badoo are kind of in the same boat as me. I know what it is like to be uncomfortable in social settings. I left a dating night once. My mate stayed and had a temporary girlfriend. It was just that I felt anxious.

My condolences. You can have my sympathy too since I kind of relate to that.