*Trigger warning* I've just self-harmed again.

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Everything's become too much to handle recently. My best friend overdosed on Tuesday and was in A and E, which was totally unexpected. He had seemed fine. My girlfriend has been grounded and she doesn't have her phone; apparently something very bad has happened but she needs to tell me face-to-face - but I don't know when I can see her again, and my mind is running over the worst possible scenarios. My dad's close friend, a really decent guy (I know the family quite well) has had a brain haemorrhage two weeks ago and has had multiple operations, and is now paralysed.
It all kind of came to a head this evening. It's been my sister's birthday party and I felt like I had to be there but the environment was so chaotic, it put me on edge. I was trying to take my mind off all the s**t that has happened, still uneasy, when I heard my other sister crying. She has a particularly painful ear infection. Everything kind of caught up with me, everyone around me is in pain. I didn't know what to do.
I badly f****d up. I cut myself with my razor. I had to, I couldn't think of anything else. I felt like I had to, like I didn't care enough and the only way to make up for the numbness was pain.
My family will feel even worse if they find out, and I'll be in huge trouble. I promised my girlfriend 'never again' and now I've broken that promise, and the guilt is almost physically sickening. And I'm still just as worried about everyone. My biggest hope is that my friend, my girlfriend, my dad, his friend, and my sister will be OK. That doesn't seem likely though, the way things are.
I don't know what to do, what to feel, how to feel, and I wish all these horrible thinggs were happening to me rather than the people I care about. Help.

Hey FeralRobot.

Wow, that's really tough. Do you have other family members or friends you can talk to who can provide support and encouragement? Have you considered therapy? Maybe he/she can teach you the skills to cope in these stressful situations.

It shows you have a lot of empathy for others and are very caring but don't know how to express it. It's quite a normal trait for us on the spectrum. It's not nice when bad things happen to people around us that we care for, and we feel helpless, but hurting ourselves won't make them feel any better and is counter productive. I know you felt overwhelmed and trust you're felling better now.

Please seek help from your professional therapist so you can better handle these type of situations.

You can't completely stop people around you from suffering in some way but the best solution is just to be there for them and communicate in an empathetic way. Try listening to relaxing music and just allowing a bit of time out.

Thank you for the replies, they've helped me feel a bit better.
I will talk to my therapist about this, but I haven't got an appointment until Friday. I don't want my parents to find out, because I don't want to worry them and they'll be angry at me, but I do have friends who I feel I can trust, and I'm glad they're there for me.
I have been listening to music, reading, browsing the internet, and generally trying to take my mind off things, but I can't stop worrying, it keeps running through my head. I'm trying to make everyone feel better but I can't. I'm just holding out until everyone's OK, but that hasn't been the case for months now. I've just got to hope I suppose.
Thanks by the way Envirozentinel but I don't think I'm that caring. That's kind of part of why I did it: I was feeling numb and didn't really care. I felt like I had to feel some kind of pain. I know it was wrong but even so I'm not caring enough. I feel like I've kind of failed my friends since they're in this state.
I've kind of been struggling to talk to people in the right way, and it frustrates me. What am I supposed to say to make people feel better, and how am I supposed to say it?

Hey FeralRobot.

Sometimes, you don't even have to say anything; like envirozentinel mentioned, just be there for them and actively listen. In these types of situations, some people just want a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to their frustrations, or maybe a hug. Hope that helps.

As much as it may appear the most proximate course of action, there's no rule saying you must bring yourself in line with the suffering of others. Make sure you patch yourself up properly and that you've sanitized everything. Remind yourself and everyone else that staying calm and taking things slow in times like these is absolutely essential. Create a space for everyone to take a break from making big decisions and just chill together until things start looking up.

Edit: Music is the absolute most important medicine for any type of depression. When I stopped curating my collections and playlists I could have died. Keep good headphones on your person and listen to new things. I find collaboration tracks and albums quite helpful for discovery.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Hi FeralRobot, remember that these incidents which happened to those around you, are not your fault and therefore you have no need to feel guilty in any way. How often we wish we could protect those around us and prevent illnesses and the like. Feeling numb is simply our misplaced response, very often, of those on the spectrum like ourselves, to the bad things that happened because we are not always sure how to handle them. It's not that you don't care but are not sure how to respond to so much happening at once. Just be there for your friend, your girlfriend, sister and the others close to you and there are little things you could do for them when you feel better yourself.

As cberg said, music is very important, otherwise too much silence can be overwhelming. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Please keep us updated as there is always someone here to listen.