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Summer_Twilight
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11 May 2015, 7:15 am

Hi:
I was wondering if you have people in your life who you call friends and vise versa. They appear to say that they love you and invite you to some events of theirs. You think things are fine when you suddenly aren't invited anymore. Your friends explain that they wanted to invite you to this or that and asked their family members or other friends but they say no. Then you find out that they have a problem with your quirks which are minor problems. Yet they are tolerable and immune to your friend who have similar quirks but not to you.

Does anyone here ever experience this?



alex
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11 May 2015, 11:05 am

You can't control whether not other people invite you to things.


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AspieUtah
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11 May 2015, 11:17 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi:
I was wondering if you have people in your life who you call friends and vise versa. They appear to say that they love you and invite you to some events of theirs. You think things are fine when you suddenly aren't invited anymore. Your friends explain that they wanted to invite you to this or that and asked their family members or other friends but they say no. Then you find out that they have a problem with your quirks which are minor problems. Yet they are tolerable and immune to your friend who have similar quirks but not to you.

Does anyone here ever experience this?

Yep. I could name ... well, just about all my lifelong friends except the current few acquaintances I now have. :(

In fact, when I told a former partner (then friend) in November about my being screened with ASD, he chuckled, said nothing related to what I had just told him about over the previous half hour, and I never heard from him again.


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Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on WrongPlanet.net by private message (PM)


Summer_Twilight
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11 May 2015, 12:41 pm

Ouch.



bijkanguru
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11 May 2015, 4:56 pm

People stopped inviting me because I usually just sit around watching people. It makes them feel like they force me to go, certainly those that know I will not say no to them even if I don't want to go. So in their defense, they don't ask me because they think I don't like it. In a way they are correct. But I do want to be part of their lives as well and for a very select few I would even try to be 'normal' (basically those that will never ever ask me).
I do not know if someone asked someone else to invite me or not but there have been people asking questions about 'that weird guy' to the host. I wasn't aware how much a good friend of mine's father disliked me (bit strong, more like how much he thought of me as a lazy oddball) until we had to work together for a while.

I try not to (publicly) hate these things but when I feel they don't like having me around, I do fade away and if they want to keep in touch, it is up to them. If they prefer me out of their lives, they get that chance without drama. Can't say this is the best strategy (like the other posters, I've lost quite a bit of people) but it is what I do.



Summer_Twilight
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11 May 2015, 6:44 pm

I don't want to say anything bad about anyone but I have had people shut me out of things on several occasions because I
either

1. Talk too loud
2. Dominate the conversation
3. My hyperactivity

I don't go to this event or that event because someone's family member or friend either don't like me because of one of the following or because they are afraid that one of the above will put their current stress levels through the roof.



graduate122
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11 May 2015, 7:06 pm

That happens to me too, except they rarely invite me in the first place. Usually I tag along once or twice and then stop hearing from them.

As a result, I just avoid social things alltogether.



Marlene
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11 May 2015, 7:48 pm

Until recently I never understood how people manage to get invited more than one or two times as most people seem to be so boring and I didn't realise that this is the reason they get invited again - they are non-threatening!
Maybe some Aspies (including myself) tend to put too much emphasis on performance. It took me many years of my life to understand that a good performance doesn't mean people like you more. I wish it was like this! I would be so integrated *lol*



Summer_Twilight
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12 May 2015, 9:27 am

Marlene wrote:
Until recently I never understood how people manage to get invited more than one or two times as most people seem to be so boring and I didn't realise that this is the reason they get invited again - they are non-threatening!
Maybe some Aspies (including myself) tend to put too much emphasis on performance. It took me many years of my life to understand that a good performance doesn't mean people like you more. I wish it was like this! I would be so integrated *lol*


I normally love parties because I am more of the rare extroverted Aspie but I am not always aware of my quirks like the dominating the conversations and etc. I also do get what you are saying about finding other people's conversations boring because they don't consists of things that I like. Most people also don't really care for math which is an area that I enjoy.

What I have learned to do in a situation like that is try and find an interest that they like that might be an interest of mine as well.