A bit of help please

Post Reply New Topic

Hi guys

So i've been in a relationship thats gone quite sour recently, and I've tried my best to make it work. Me and my girlfriend are on a break, but since i made a mistake (I didnt put the cookies away) it seems as though this will turn into a breakup i think (She said we need to talk). Truth be told is, I've really tried to tell her what gets to me in the relationship which is mainly her being annoyed at me for silly things i've done (I dont put food back the right way after making her dinner).

I want to know if i need to "talk" with her, or if just saying yes i agree we should break up is enough to suffice. I really dont like the way she treats me, and i feel as though i've given enough already. Maybe this is a rubbish move but i think that since the relationship is over anyways i have no obligation to continue talking with her.

Cheers Guys

It doesn't sound good...

When you talk about the relationship probably being over and having no "obligation" to talk to her, it sounds like you don't *want* to talk to her. That, to me, indicates that you really don't want to fix the problem, or think it cannot be fixed. You are using language that says this is over.

Are you two living together? Not putting stuff away correctly IS annoying and couples do fight over it. But, it is NOT worth ending a relationship over. If that is cause for a relationship to go sour, it's not a good relationship. There are much more important "battles" than that one.

Everybody has faults and failings. People who love one another put up with them. Everyone is annoying in one way or another. People who love one another know it, and keep loving anyways.

Well we're on a break atm (She initiated it ) , we dont live together we just stay at each others place sometimes. I know when she says we need to talk she wants to break up with me, i mean we're on a break and she told me when she says we need to talk signifies the end of the relationship.

Yeah , I guess i feel its over. She just gets so annoyed with me about everything that i've really started to lose interest in her.

On the flip side, if i wanted to change her mind is there anything i should say ? I mean would apologising over the incident help get her back to having feelings for me ? (She doesnt kiss me hold my hand or cuddle anyways so it seems like a large slope).

CateJayne:

There is a difference between being on a break and breaking up with someone. Being on a break means spending time out to reconcile your differences whilst breaking up means you have no intention of getting back together.

She still wants to talk to me over text and she still wants to see me sometimes.

Nonetheless I do feel as though i have been nagging to a certain extent, however thats because being on a break and yet still seeing her makes me uncomfortable as we share no intimacy atm. Ergo i feel as though the best thing to do is to break up with her. I could be on a proper break with her, however i know she doesnt want that (She was annoyed at me for not asking her how her exams went, I wasnt deliberately ignoring her, i was busy with work) and i feel as though i really dont have the time to start up a relationship with anyone at the moment.

I just dont have time to give her space. Shes leaving in two weeks and will be back in three months. If i had time i'd be far more laid back. In my mind that leaves me only one option, to break up with her. \

What do you think ?

am i missing an obvious metaphor or did she legitimately break up with you because you don't put food away after dinner

either way, from what it sounds like she's been frustrated with you for a long time. instead of listening to her and communicating, you say "She just gets so annoyed with me about everything that i've really started to lose interest in her. " you're blaming her and pushing off how she feels instead of being open to her criticism. if you want things to work you're going to have to be less stubborn and learn to compromise. you see it as "little things" but something minor and unimportant to you can be a huge burden on someone's emotional state, even something stupid like leaving the toilet seat up. it's your responsibility to work those things out, not say you're being annoying and reject her comments. having a defeatist attitude towards your own self and the relationship will also hurt things ten fold.

CateJayne - in relationships there are plenty of grey areas - including sometimes, whether you're together or not. But that isn't a good sign.

OP - is your girlfriend NT? Not being asked about really big things in our lives - such as how exams went is incredibly hurtful. You say you were busy with work? That doesn't cut it to an NT.

My AS husband asks me how I am about three times a year. He doesn't ask me how things went on a routine basis even if I've told him I have a big event. I had a major success last year after a horrible illness and he said not a word. To make matters worse, if I've had a 'big thing' - he'll come back and monologue to me about trivial events at his work. And before you ask, yes I do ask him how his day was or ask him how his big things went.

.

elkchan

With exams i can see where you're coming from, but sadly my case is different than a lot of peoples. When i have to work then i have to work in a shielded room where bringing in phones is prohibited. Therefore i can easily spend 4-5 hours not being able to contact anyone.

There were other reasons i didnt ask about exams as well, she didn't want to talk about exams when i asked her a day before and i was feeling really emotional on the day ( I missed her a lot ). I felt so confused about the break that i didnt know what to do.

I do normally ask her about her day, I have made this mistake before , but its an awkward one because sometimes she just talks about her day with me before i have a chance to ask her. Therefore i dont feel like asking how are you , the question feels redundant. Ofc thats a silly thing to think :p.

To top this all off, i kinda nearly broke up with her last night. If it wasnt for her coming back for me it probably would have ended although she still said she doesnt know how she feels and that she doesnt want it to end now. I just cant worry about this too much anymore , and wait for her decision.