Entering the world of casual hookups

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Yeah, I have been putting too much thought into this. I know that I can play the "giant gentle teddy bear" angle in the hookup scene to attract some guys to my direction.

The thing is this. I do not want to remain celibate, I do not want to remain isolated, and I do not know what I really want in my life, and I do not know how to find that out.

So, I am chatting up guys, and I am wondering if my hormones are working for or against me right now. Does this make sense?

If you're into it, go right ahead and do it.

I've had more than my fair share of casual hookups over the years.

Just be respectful and play safe.

As for the whole hookup vs. relationship thing, you never know.. just like the bus bench ads for manhunt.net say: "NSA to LTR?" Meaning "no strings attached" could turn into a "long term relationship."

FYI I have some friends I once hooked up with, and my closest friend of the last few years is someone I met via an online personal ad. We've never "hooked up," but the friendship we have is even better than a momentary fling.

And if you do hookup with someone, or more than one, and decide it's just not for you - well, don't bother doing it again. No real point in over thinking the whole thing, though. Just do it and see what happens. Like anything in life, the more you do venture down that path.. the easier it becomes. In the gay world it's very very easy to hookup with guys and it's almost the norm to do so vs. go on an actual date.

Myself, like I said.. more than my fair share of hookups already.. and at this stage I'm ever more open to NSA leading to LTR, or just skipping the hookup part and going on a date with someone to see if we click. But I feel it's sort of a gay progression to spend some time hooking up with guys for casual encounters, getting comfortable with the whole thing sexually and socially, and then moving on/up/forward to being ready for an out same sex relationship.

Yeah, at this point, I am more about testing the waters than diving right in. I have agreed to meet a guy for a movie and possibly more later, but that was not at a hookup site.

I think I am looking for friends with benefits, not mere hookups. Then again, I know that I do not know what I want. And I know there is no way I will figure that out until I put myself out in the world. This is horrifying and exciting all at the same time.

I hope I am making sense.

Yes, that makes sense to me. When I summon the courage to step into the unknown as a way to learn more about myself and grow, I try to think of it as an "Adventure". That's a word seldom used these days, but thinking of such activities as "Adventures" helps them seem a bit less frightening and more exciting. By definition, an Adventure has an unknown outcome, and that helps me let myself off the hook from trying to over analyze and figure it out beforehand.

Best wishes!

Go for the "friends with benefits" option; it may not always work out but you never know if you don't try.

I also had to start somewhere when I first came out and stopped trying to live a lie. That's how I eventually met my special soulmate: the One. It was an interesting path and I learned much along the way.

I'm pleased to say that although we don't live in the same part of the country right now due to unusual circumstances, we are still as much in love as always.

I would just say to tell the other person what your intentions are otherwise they may get hurt and that isn't fair. I, myself, would never do the "friends with benefits" thing so the other person would lose out on the friendship part if they didn't tell me what their intentions were from the beginning.

I have decided after dipping my toes in this area that it really does not suit me all that well.

I guess there are parts of me that are far more interested in genuine intimacy and trust - components of sexuality that never show up in casual hookups. To me, a good sexual encounter involves playing to each others strengths while respecting boundaries and weaknesses that everybody seems to have in one form or another. In other words, I no longer want to have sex with anybody unless the mutual respect and care is there first.

Ah, well, it was an interesting experiment, nonetheless.

Casual Hookup with someone you care about, without all the responsibility or emotional drama that can come with a more serious relationship – sounds ideal really, doesn't it? While it's obvious that one of the benefits is well, duh, more casual hookups, there are some other potential ups and downs you might want to consider.

I'm firmly against casual hook-ups and casual sex. I think it often leaves at least one person pining for more or emotionally damaged in some way. I also think that people are far too lax when it comes to protection from pregnancy and STI's.

My advice would be, if you're dead set that you want to engage in casual sex/hook-ups, then take every possibly precaution to ensure your health is maintained. I'm trans, and what I will tell you is that there are far more unsavoury and undesirable people who seek sexual relations with trans people than any other, so be careful and look after yourself. Or just don't do it.