Waiting in line just to be ignored ?

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Has anyone ever had this experience where you'd either go to a store or pharmacy and the employees treat you as if you weren't there and allow everyone to cut you?

I'm so sick of this garbage. I don't know if it's because of my ASD but I get treated even worse when I try and speak up. The other day my friend and I went to Donkin Donuts, nobody was there and we both just went straight up to the counter. The lady automatically draws her eyes and attention towards him and ignores me. When he's done with his order, about several minutes later of me standing there she asks if I need something.

When I order at CVS pharmacy I had to ask security to get someone at the cashier, then in front of everyone I had to explain what I needed in the middle of the store. Oh, it gets worse, the guy then treats me like crap after asking for a simple bag; he gave me a dirty look and said can't you see its raining outside. I said I'm driving back and don't need to use the umbrella I bought right now. I stood there for about 2 minutes of him ignoring me when normally everyone gets free a bag before he said this crap.

I'm seriously SOOOOOOOOO tired of this life and always being treated like dirt, many times people don't even help me unless I ask, they say "oh, I thought you were in line with your mother" or whatever old lady is waiting next to me"

I sometimes feel like getting a gun and going on a homicide spree.

Sorry for the long post.

I think its just bad customer service, rudeness and passive/aggressive beahvior has become pretty common (I estimate about 20%), and we are maybe more likely to be targeted due to appearing awkward and non-threatening. I also posted a news article about similar thing. It does not seem like much but every negative experience you get, you remember for a while.

What you can do to mediate this problem is try to anticipate it whenever you are ordering service from someone. Take necessary steps to deal with it right away: directly argue with the person, ask for a supervisor, avoid doing business with that place/person and lastly don't react to it.

I don't deal with CVS or DunkinDonuts, but I would strongly recommend you go to their corporate websites and use the "contact us" tab or whatever they have to e-mail customer relations with. Try to get the individual store numbers, if you can't at least give them the exact address where these events occured, as well as the date, time of day, and any names you might have observed on the employees' tags. If you saved your receipts, you may be able to get some of this information there. Usually you'll just get a "form letter apology" reply, but sometimes it will go further. I know from past experiences a rude and obnoxious Burger King shift "manager" disappeared shortly after my contacting their regional office. In another case a grocery store worker who was lying to me issued me an apology personally the next time I showed up at his job, so I know someone must have "called him on the carpet" after my contact.

It might be that you don't project the right body language, so people think you're not in line. And then when you get upset at being ignored, they get defensive and angry.

If eye contact isn't too uncomfortable for you, try making eye contact with the cashier as they're finishing up with the person in front of you.

I think Ettina is right. I go through the same thing, though, even though I do make eye contact. When I go out to eat, the waiter or waitress will rarely look me in the eye. It can be infuriating.

I don't know what it is, or if I'm crazy. I sometimes feel like there's a dark curse on me just sitting there.

I do everything I possibly can to appear normal and friendly but it doesn't work and things get worse. Even at a bank once, the employee there was facing directly towards another relative who had nothing to do with my account, I gave my information and said it's my account, she continued to talk to the relative turned to an angle with her eyes totally away from me. It got to the point where I flipped.

I find "normal" people are generally not friendly.

Last edited by Vomelche on 29 Jul 2015, 10:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

Don't let people cut in on you when you are in line.

Yes it has happened to me too. I don't take it personally, it's just bad customer service, but I think if you seem very polite or quiet or withdrawn then they are more likely to overlook you or just flat out ignore you. And disgruntled employees sometimes try to take their frustration out on customers who seem like the easiest targets for it.

CVS and Dunkin Donuts both have some of the WORST customer service I've ever seen. I've been ignored at multiple locations of Dunkin Donuts. They act like it is a monumental task to wait on a customer. Several times I have just walked away and left without ordering because they were too slow.

One time I was second in line behind two people who took a long time ordering their stuff. Then when I got up to the counter the guy just walked off without saying a word. He started doing something with one of their machines, and never even acknowledged me or explained anything. After a couple of minutes another employee came around to take my order. She acted really huffy about it like it bothered her to have to come around and do it. After taking my money, she went to get my donuts without washing her hands or putting gloves on or anything. Just picked up the donuts with bare hands. I was astonished. I commented on it and asked for fresh donuts. That time she picked them up with a piece of paper but felt it necessary to tell me "I don't usually do this" as if she was doing me a grand and wonderful favor. I should have asked for my money back but by that time I just wanted to get out of there.

I did their customer survey and complained and got an email back from the district manager apologizing for it. He referenced a location I had never been to, so I wrote back and told him he had it mixed up. He responded "I apologize for my mistake, I was attempting to multi task and obviously didn't do a very good job." LOL I haven't bought anything at Dunkin since then. Krispy Kreme is better anyway.

I have never dealt with the pharmacy at CVS, but they are horrible about not having someone up at the front register. Same with Dunkin I've had that happen at multiple locations, I stand there waiting and it takes forever for someone to come out. They also tend to say really inappropriate things, like commenting loudly to my elderly relative about personal products he was buying that just shouldn't be commented on. Every time I go in CVS, I end up feeling like I want to slap someone, so I just stay out of there unless they have a really good deal going on something.

Pharmacies in general tend to have horrible service, but if I needed to have a prescription filled, CVS is one of the last places I'd go to. There are too many other options out there to put up with their crappy service.

That's probably a body language thing...if you don't have a really expectant body stance and facial expression they just assume you're not waiting for something. It's wrong of them to do that, and they probably do it to a lot of other people, not just you. I notice it happens a lot to older people, or young adults or teenagers, because of their age people just make the assumption they are with someone else. Or if a man and women are near each other in line, the clerk might assume they are a couple.

I actually have the opposite problem in my job...I visit convenience stores as a sales rep, and other customers are constantly assuming that I'm waiting in line when I'm not. Often it makes absolutely no sense at all because I'm not even standing anywhere near the counter, I'm way off down the aisle somewhere. I think it's because I give off the body language that I'm there for a purpose, and they just assume I'm about to buy something since no other context occurs to them.

What I'm saying is it's really weird how people make assumptions, but I think that's just how the allistic mind tends to work. It's like they are wired to jump to conclusions to speed things along, without thinking it through (aka, being considerate).

It's your body language. You don't look "purposeful" in your waiting. I have the same issue sometimes. If there's no cashier at the till, you're expected to look all around anxiously. Usually, the cashier is nearby stocking shelves or something, and this behavior is his/her cue to come over. If they merely look up, you're expected to make eye contact with them, and possibly smile and wave whatever you want to buy.

Thank goodness for stores with automated checkout, that's all I can say.

I think that's quite true. I normally just stand quietly, waiting for my turn. I don't look around me while waiting, because why would I? I'm focused on the register and so I'm not inclined to do neurotypically normal things like look around or engage in small talk with other people.

Maybe a year or so ago, I went to get a haircut inside the local Walmart. I stood there for a good 15 minutes, patiently waiting for someone to look up or ask if I needed help. Nobody came to help me, and by the time the girl working saw me it was too late to get in because they were on the verge of closing. I suppose the normal thing to do is cough or move around and draw attention to myself, but I didn't think to do that. Instead, I just stood there getting increasingly agitated.

Yes it happens to me sometimes. It's worst in places that have no clear queuing system, e.g. crowded public bars where there's a number of customers wanting to be served and the bartender is supposed to somehow deal with them in the right order. I think it's one of those things where pushy people often get preferential attention. I find it hard even to be normally assertive, so I can easily seem invisible to the bar staff. Body language comes into it too. Trouble is, I get bored with waiting and making gestures, and I keep finding myself doing something more interesting like counting the spots on the wallpaper. I discovered by observing coustomers that it helps to hold a banknote out where the staff can see it. But my best solution is to stay out of crowded bars.

I don't get much trouble in regular shops though. It's fairly clear there who is next in line. I also try to choose shops that aren't very crowded. There used to be a problem in the days where the assistants would chat to each other and ignore me, but those days seem to be over. I guess managements have stronger control over their staff now, and work them harder.

I was curious about this as well and did a few social experiments on it. First, I went into a few different stores dressed comfortably in a baggy old t-shirt and jeans and had my hair in a pony tail and perused the store acting like myself; quiet and withdrawn. I was not treated well or ignored.

Second, I went in dressed as well as I could with my hair nicely organized and walked with purpose and as much confidence as I could, as if I owned the world. Huge difference. When you act like you own the world, and you're to the point but still polite, people will react in a much more positive manner. I didn't even have to smile or direct eye contact (look at the chin or nose, works just as well). Apparently polite arrogance will get you places... It's just so exhausting!

They must have thought you had pots of money when you dressed like a toff. It's very "puss in boots" isn't it?

Unfortunately I let this happen to me at my first visit to my local Food Bank. I had never been in there before and didn't know the procedure, no idea that I had to go get some silly piece of paper first from the office saying how many people I was getting food for.... anyway I get the paper, come back, the 3 women in there all saw me come in but they were all busy stocking shelves so I waited.. nobody asked me for my paper. Then some young dude in motorcycle clothing walks in like he owns the place, hands his paper and they just start serving him! Ahead of me! They had all seen me standing there politely waiting for them to finish whatever they were doing! I started to think I was freakin' invisible! Like ToughDiamond said, pushy people get preferential attention, never mind first come first served

But even when I am assertive and step up, people just think I'm rude bitter and trying to make a scene so they ignore me even more.. I sometimes have to ask twice or more before they give me a specific price. One time, one jackass stole money from me b/c he thinks I'm dumb.