I often forget that I feel really angry or sad at something

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It seems that my mental health professionals are not really aware of the times I spend feeling really angry or sad or something because I'm in a good mood when I'm in their office. It's like I could be really angry or sad at something and end up quickly forgetting that I am.

There are times in my history when everything from the outside seems fine, but I end up blowing up in a shocking, surprising way. It's like I cannot express my true feelings a lot of the time, as if they were cocooned, and instead produce an affable exterior.

What is this?

Maybe it's some subconscious thing about wanting the doctor to think you are all better now?

Have they ever suggested journaling? Keeping track of those emotional times and trying to not down what you were thinking when things happened?

No counselor, therapist can really know what is going on with you except as you are able to talk to them about it.

I wonder if it's because during virtually all of my grade school years I was taught to dissemble certain needs for the convenience of others. My dad has told me, among other things, that my feelings are "not real."

There was a saying in the Army, "Suck it up and drive on!" Basically forget your feelings and continue with the mission. That may apply to wartime or maybe training, but it was used in all parts of life.

I guess your Dad also believed, Big boys don't cry. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be sarcastic about your Dad, he's probably a decent guy.

So even if feelings are just chemical reactions in your brain, they still Affect you. And if you want your therapist's opinion on your feelings and the events that cause them, you'll have to remember them well enough to share them.

I can remember for myself, usually the day before a therapy session, I'd think, "hmm what am I going to talk about?" Do you have the kind of therapist that will just let you be silent? Or he/she will at some point fill the void?

So I hope you are feeling better.

One of the few really important things counsellors convinced me of is that feelings are very real and important. I think that ignoring and denying them can cause the mind to do weird things, such as sudden outbursts of strong negative emotions for no apparent reason. I think that identifying feelings can be very good for mental health, though it's not necessarily easy.