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Summer_Twilight
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20 Aug 2015, 8:48 am

Hi:
I am finding out that when someone rejects me for some reason or another I automatically think that the other person is "To good for me" or "They think they are better than I am?"

Is that a common defense mechanism when someone has been rejected or pushed away by someone who was once interested in being your friend/partner etc?



Aspie202
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20 Aug 2015, 8:54 am

Sometimes. When my friend leaves me, I usually think "How could they?"


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kraftiekortie
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20 Aug 2015, 8:59 am

Yeah...that's pretty common!

It is a defense mechanism. It's probably not actually true that the person is "better" than you.



KimD
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20 Aug 2015, 9:25 am

Yes! Sometimes you may react by thinking, "I suck," or at other times think "well, then you suck," and when you're hurt, either response is natural. It's similar to a physical injury--you may criticize yourself for being clumsy, you may blame the person who hurt you, resent the "weapon" (like when you cut yourself chopping up veggies), be angry with "chance," or you may feel a combination of all that. If you don't feel anything, you risk getting hurt again, at least until you find a way around or through it, so yeah, it's totally a defense mechanism.

If I may shift into counselor mode...

Allow yourself to feel that hurt for a little while instead of repressing it. Give yourself a chance to feel what's basically an emotional injury, then let it flow away like the little bit of blood that actually helps protect an open cut.

When you want to move on, replace that external rejection with internal healing--that corny thing called self-love is actually the way to recover on the inside, like when your blood creates a scab (the emotional pain subsides), your immune system neutralizes potential infection, and new skin cells and whatnot reconstruct the affected body part. It helps if you can recognize that the reason(s) the other person turned you down may have little or even nothing to do with you--and even if it does, that's OK! As long as you're not a major a-hole, as long as you're doing the best you can (or working towards self-improvement if you think it's appropriate), and as long as you're not choosing people who are incapable of a healthy relationship in the first place, you're cool!



Jarring
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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20 Aug 2015, 1:28 pm

yes it is very common. it is a symptom of vanity, and pretty much everyone on earth is vain in one way or another and it is a very difficult thing to deal with. there is no one solution and everyone has to deal with it in different ways.



Summer_Twilight
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20 Aug 2015, 8:16 pm

I most recently started thinking about it since I appeared to blame the other party every time someone doesn't want to be friends with me anymore. I also grew up with that old belief from my parents.



skiddlebugz
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31 Aug 2015, 6:25 pm

I'm kinda the same thing :? but if things have to be that way with my friends I will just mostly try and find something to do to occupy myself instead of worrying. Or when i feel like they don't want to be friends with me, I will try and find a person who is alone and start talking to them! Then maybe the person who was alone can be my friend for certain! Its hard but just try your best, its okay to mess up! :D


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