Love too advanced for aspies? Getting a gf in university?

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How is it possible to be involved in a relationship when you lack basic social skills?
It's like trying to do advanced math when you can't add or substract.
Also, how does one get a girlfriend in university?

You honestly evaluate whether your social skills (or the lack thereof) are getting in the way of your ability to live the life you want and, if so, work on improving them. And cutting yourself some slack, so as not to give into despair and quit if the acquisition of said skills takes longer than you'd like.

You might also want to set the bar pretty low, initially. Like, start by aiming to make friends (both guys and girls) and get a social life before you set about Acquiring a Girlfriend.

Good luck!

^^ Good advice!

Good things to work on specifically (that have helped me, at least): understanding/using body-language, and building up tolerance for eye-contact.

Building relationships is sometimes easier in a group setting, at least at first. If you find yourself chatting with a few people at the end of a lecture - or whatever - you could ask if anyone feels like going to get a coffee or something.

Luck and putting yourself way out there, going to events and social things, something I mostly don't do because why would someone that I might be compatible with even be at those types of things anyways. Luck mostly, you have to somehow meet someone you're compatible with out of 1000's. Nothing really changes from high school to college in this regard, it just hurts more because even with 1000's nothing really changes. Sorry but this is my best advice, don't get your hopes too far up. Your best bet really is to find someone within your major in your classes. Focus on that and join your majors club.

The problem is that you will annoy people if you try to socialize. They will hate you.
I hope that a cute girl will approach me in university. It happened several times in high school and is likely to happen again in university, as there are lots of girls there. In high school I screwed it up every time, but next time I'll be ready.

Graduating from university is trivial compared with getting a girlfriend.

That's because graduating from university doesn't require social skills.
Also, simply making a friend is extremely hard compared to graduating.

Assuming you do the "impossible", next thing to worry about is keeping the girl around.
Try not to be desperate about it. Honestly, take it easy, just be the cool guy that you are on the inside.
HINT: Don't disagree with me on the last part. Just take the compliment.

To keep her around, you have to show her that you love her and act as if you're still trying to win her.
But how do you deal with the awkward silence, when you really don't know what to say? NTs simply talk about trivial nonsense all the time, but we aspies can't do that.

Last edited by Cockroach96 on 13 Sep 2015, 3:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh I wish graduating from university didn't require social skills, but yes it's still trivial compared to finding a girlfriend.

You date a girl (1) with whom you have lots to talk about, ie other than "trivial nonsense" or (2) who is happy to hang out and not talk.

What, exactly, are you planning to do differently re: getting a social life (friends + dates) in college versus high school?

Because when you start college, you just will be a high school senior + 3 mos older and it is exceedingly unlikely that the Social Skills Fairy and/or Suddenly All Girls Want You As You Are Fairy will visit you between HS graduation + frosh week.

Doing everything the same as HS makes it very likely that you'll have a HS-like social life in college. And if you, say, even inadvertently, do something a girl or three perceives as scary or stalker-esque in your dorm, sound tends to travel faster than light, memories are long and girls who might otherwise avoid you may well elect to stay away from you due to what they've heard.

I'm going to university, not college. I won't live in a dorm, I will just continue to live at home with my parents like until now. The university is nearby, so I can simply go there on foot.
Nobody knows me there, so at first nobody will hear anything about me.
My plan is simple: keep a low profile and don't do anything stupid. I won't try to get a social life or approach girls, as I don't want to annoy or scare people. I just hope that a girl will approach me. I am good-looking and there are lots of girls there, so chances are one will like me. If it happens, good! If it doesn't happen, OK. I won't get desperate.

I swear, Out There is a mythical place itself, now you're suggesting we have to find "way" out there?

Has a girl ever approached you simply because you were standing around and looking good?

"way out there" is just an interstate highway and we are hitch hikers hoping someone will stop and pick up someone as sketchy as us. All to easy to just get hit by a car though, that's why I'm going cross country through the woods to wherever I'm going.

One will probably like you, but do not count on any of them approaching you. I made this mistake when I went to college, thinking I was cute and that I would probably get some dates. NOPE. No one approached me because I was giving off that serious and awkward Aspie vibe. And I am a girl, so you would think that a guy would approach me on whim even. Don't go to college expecting to get a girlfriend. Go there and see if you can make a friendly connection with some people instead. Most college people are not looking for girlfriends/boyfriends anyways and just want to date around and have fun. You sound like you could get a great girlfriend but she will need to be mature and serious about getting into a relationship as well. Hope this helps.