Pyromatic wrote:
beakybird wrote:
Pyromatic wrote:
i'm going to start this off without all the raging and such, and just say I'm done caring. what's the point in caring about yourself when others simply couldn't give a rat's ass about you, especially those closest to you? too many times i've had so many friendships with so many great people (ok well not all of them) crumble and fall apart thanks to my own incompetence and i was at my wits end thinking hey, maybe I could just live for myself only but nope that's exactly the problem. i feel so isolated and cut off from the rest of the world, I even struggle talking to fellow aspies now and I just don't see a point to living anymore if I don't mean anything to anyone. i'm just there, just like a ghost and I wish i could be so much more but I just can't, no matter how hard I try it never pays out in the end. not even my own parents can be bothered with me anymore, I feel so empty and alone...
Live to please yourself, not others.
i tried but i only stayed happy for so long until I felt miserable again
I desire companionship its literally the only thing that makes me feel whore anymore
A few things.
Firstly, I can totally relate. While I say live for yourself, and I know it's mostly sound advice, it;s really hard to do and something I still have a hard time with. Actually Im kind of going through a partial severing of my closest friendship for 15 years. So Im trying to learn that to some degree a little more. It was a totally codependent friendship. But my point, I do get it to some extent.
Secondly, why do you assume that no one cares about you? What actions do they display that shows you this? I ask because maybe alot of it is in your mind. Those of us who fear loneliness and abandonment tend to see even the smallest signs as a signal that this person is certainly going away. We fear so badly to be alone that self-fulfilling prophecy kicks in. We see things that we think show that people don't care even though it isn't true. We then distance ourselves, if even only mentally, because we fear the hurt that will come from that not caring. That shows in our actions and actually serves to drive this person/people further from you. About this point, use your logic. Not your feelings. I have a severe abandonment issue personally and have to constantly shift my focus to facts and not feelings. I ask people things bluntly if I start to develop negative thoughts. I build a case against my troubled mind that I can use to fight it back when it starts getting crazy again. People who love you will reassure you.
Thirdly, in these friendships that have fallen apart why are you to blame? In most relationships (romantic/friends/family) it takes two people to keep it going. It cannot be only you. It's ok to attribute blame to these people. While it's a noble idea to take on the blame to yourself, it's destructive. If this person is to of your life, and placing blame on them helps you to move on, then do it. This is part of living for yourself. At least as I get it.
My amateur psych take on it is it sounds like you've really fallen into a depressive rut here. If you are anything like me, once you get there, your bastard mind will try to keep you there and make the hole deeper by creating perceptions that aren't reality. These for me usually involve people I care about dying or leaving. Understand it for what it is and don't allow it power over you as much as you can control. Granted this may be a huge assumption, but unless your parents have told you outright they don't give a s**t about you they most likely do.
Life brings us crossroads my friend. It's hard not to give up. It's ok to sit for a minute, but you gotta get back up and keep going. Things can always get better, but only if you give them a chance to. Dropping off into a despair you can't return from, or worse, harming yourself, will give you zero chance. There are people out there for you, this I can assure you.
06 Oct 2015, 12:45 pm
