cant cuddle at night ,boyfriends are always hurt an put off

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Cuddling at night makes me panic an keeps me up all night. Its uncomfortable an makes me feel trapped. I just recently admired to this an I think its one of the contributing factors to loosing the last person I fell in love with. Guys are hugely turned off an assume I ddon't like commitment or affection. An what about marriage or kids scared I'm unlovable . help ? How can Iforce mmyself to cuddle or explain the discomfort in a relevant way that registers with my romantic partners ?is it possible to find an nt whose OK with this or feels the same way? I get very depressed an conflicted an fill with anxiety trying to adapt or handle this problem. Meanwhile the bf is curled up frowning an rolls over like Islapped him explained my weird aversion to cuddling but instead of fixing his sadness he apologizes constantly an rolls over dejectedly.

If it's something that makes you uncomfortable you shouldn't force yourself to do it. Just be up front with your partner about your needs and anxiety explain that it in no way means that you don't love them.

You definitely don't have to force yourself to cuddle. Especially true if it makes you feel those ways. I would suggest looking at it from their perspective. If you have been cuddling and haven't expressed any negative feelings towards it before, then it is going to make them question why you are now deciding to tell them you don't like it. It definitely would feel like you are trying to distance yourself. It would make things even worse if you had lied about liking it before (not saying you have).

I also wonder if he's trying to do more than just cuddle. It could be that he is trying to initiate sex. He might not know a different way to initiate, so there could be growing frustration. He can tell you don't like it and are uncomfortable with it, so I am sure he is sorry that you feel that way.

I would definitely ask about that. Also, explain to him that you don't like to cuddle and why. Emphasize that it's not because of him. You might say something like you were trying for him, but that can come off as you no longer want to try for him. So, talk with him and figure out a different way you can show affection that you will both be comfortable with.

Is it specifically at night when you are trying to get to sleep you don't like cuddling? If so perhaps you could explain it prevents you from sleeping so you'd prefer to reserve cuddling for times aside from when you want to sleep. I know I can't really sleep all cuddled up I shift around quite a lot in my sleep and am prone to getting too hot and sweaty at night, sometimes have to take off blankets and clothes even if I have a bed to myself but with another persons body heat added to it, its even worse.

Me and my boyfriend do like to cuddle, but it seems neither one of us can get to sleep doing that. We still sleep close and might put an arm around each other but need some space to keep from getting too warm and since we both sort of shift around and may wake each other up that way.

Thank you. I think my struggle to communicate when im upset has probably just confused him. Also considering im ok with cuddling in the day when im not trapped or in one place closed in for too long. Ill try to explain the difference an maybe we can come to some sort of understanding. (Touching forheads holding hands?) I am sexually active so physical advances werent so much a concern as much as the worry that i was coming iff as detached an overtly sexual without any signs of emotional invesrment .

You are not the only one. I've heard other people say this too. Actually one of my male relatives has admitted that he doesn't like cuddles at night (and his wife is ok with it, she accepts that's just the way he is), so there are men out there who feel the same way.

Don't force yourself to change if it makes you uncomfortable. The right person will understand.

You have to explain to your partner that you do not like cuddling and any other issues you have. Explain to them that it is not because you don't like them or have lost interest. A person who wants to be with you will understand your problems with this form of affection.

I agree with the last couple of comments that if you explain your issue honestly, the right kind of person will be able to understand and not take it as some kind of personal insult or sign that you don't care.

Maybe you should tell them you don't want to cuddle before you start seriously dating them.

I know cuddling---with someone I actually want to do it with, that is---is one of those things I've been starved of since about puberty---when I started wanting it. I certainly wouldn't like to be led on by someone who acted as though she were my girlfriend, only to let me know, after a long process, that she doesn't want any kind of physical contact with me.

You've misinterpreted the thread and made it all about you and your plight...good job.

Maybe you can enlighten me about the right interpretation of this thread, then? I posted because I think "my plight" might explain why other guys are frustrated when they find they can't cuddle with their girlfriend, and therefore they probably should have been warned so it's not a surprise.

You are being insensitive to this person's sensory issues and anxiety and making this thread all about YOU and what YOU want out of a relationship. Acting like not wanting to cuddle at night but being find with other kinds of contact in other contexts is cruel or something she should "warn guys about" is a jerk move. She is not doing it to hurt men, but you are talking to her like she is and that is not ok. You are doing the same thing her boyfriend is doing, which is not trying to understand what her issues are and where she is coming from and makin git all about him and his feelings about it.

My girlfriend doesn't like cuddling when she's trying to sleep because she has physical issues that cause her pain. I did feel kind of put off by that cuz I would sleep better if we would cuddle but I understand that it's because it can cause her pain & it's something I accept even if I don't like it. I know it's not rejection or anything sense she likes cuddling the rest of the time. My advice is what others have said about being honest about it & explain why you don't like it & that you try & show affection in other ways or cuddle at other times.

You might consider training yourself with one these -here-, assuming of course that your boyfriend isn't the jealous or resentful type.

Honestly.. 95% of people who've had enough relationships hate cuddling at night. It's the biggest dating myth, it's so cute to wake up in each other's arms and people wake up smiling, happy and in love, like in the movies. In reality, you're human furnaces.. it's uncomfortable, and most people roll around in their sleep. A lot.

Cuddling is nice if you're watching a movie or something, past that it's the most over-rated thing in dating by a mile.

Explaining "If can't roll over I feel trapped" or "When you drape your arm over me I can't breathe", or even "I can't fall asleep touching another person" should be enough to let them know it's about YOU, not them. This should be explained before things escalate to a panicky "Get away from me! I don't like you touching me at night!" which is bound to make them feel badly.

To contradict the above commenter, after 15 years of marriage I still fall asleep spooning or in some other physical contact with my husband most nights. (Of course we're also OK with saying "It's too hot" or "My arm's falling asleep" and rolling over, too.) Relaxed skin-to-skin contact makes the oxytocin flow, the bonding hormone in love relationships, and I think to some extent divorces are caused by California king sized beds.