Starting a conversation with strangers

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Vegasadelphia
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18 Apr 2007, 2:06 pm

I often have the urge to start a conversation with someone I don't know, either because they are looking at something or wearing something or doing something that interests me. What usually ends up happening is that I go up to the person and say nothing, can't get my mouth to move or brain to function, and sometimes creep people out that I am suddenly standing near them staring and smiling slightly.

For example, while out to lunch at In-N-Out today, a group of people were waiting at the same time I was, and they were all wearing tshirts and clothes that said they were from the area of Pennsylvania that I grew up in. I wanted so badly to say "Hey, I am from Montgomery County too!" but I couldnt say a thing, I just froze. For 10 minutes I stood there (In-N-Out gets busy!) and I couldnt speak, not a word. I wanted so badly to be normal and talk to someone and just have a few seconds of normal human contact, and I couldnt do it!! ! My mom can walk up to a complete stranger and just start talking to them (ok, that can be a bit annoying) but I wish I had some of that in me, to just TALK to people.



dime_jaguar
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18 Apr 2007, 2:09 pm

I hardly get that urge, but mainly because i know that i suck at small talk and it would turn into an awkward situation.


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Sopho
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18 Apr 2007, 2:10 pm

I don't think I ever get this. But I would like to be able to talk to people properly if I did, and I doubt I could.



Vegasadelphia
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18 Apr 2007, 2:11 pm

I get this urge when I see someone that has something in common with me, like looking at a certain video game in a store, or wearing a shirt from a certain show or website. Its not just all strangers, its people with specific similarities to me.



Juggernaut
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18 Apr 2007, 2:13 pm

I know what you mean. That's how I was in high school. I was so terrified of social interaction, even if it was with people I went ot class with, that I would not say anything. I am the opposite now. I got past that and realized that I am quite a talkative person at heart. Now I am in college, and I think what it took was simply getting some friends and realizing its ok to converse with people. Once you have some friends and get in the habit of talking it gets easier to talk with those you don't know. But today, it still depends on my mood. Sometimes my mood is fearless and sometimes I just hate small talk too much that I am scared of it.



Grim_Rogue
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18 Apr 2007, 2:15 pm

I do something like that, I have a strange urge to say something, then I start to think about it for a minute because I'm not sure whether I really want to say it and not sure how I want to express it. The more I think about it the less I want to say it. Happens in class a lot during discussions.



richardbenson
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18 Apr 2007, 2:21 pm

this is going to sound f-ing wierd but i only want to start up a conversation with out of nowhere people that look like me. i never do it though haha :D


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markaudette
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18 Apr 2007, 2:39 pm

I like Vegasadelphia.

Vegasadelphia is brave.

8)



DingoDv
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18 Apr 2007, 2:57 pm

I often find that vegasadelphia, bizarrely often when I am on a train...
I then realise that
a.) I shouldn't have been listening to there conversation
b.) When something intelligent, I don't have nearly enough knowledge on the subject (an example being when 2 Royal School of Music students were discussing pros and cons of different pianos)
c.) I may make myself appear wierd - an example being wanting to know what game a kid was playing on his DS, but then thinking it is wrong to talk to kids I don't know... - in hindsight this meant I was staring in the direction of that family all journey, whilst trying to look like I wasn't... :roll:



krex
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18 Apr 2007, 3:22 pm

DingoDv wrote:
I often find that vegasadelphia, bizarrely often when I am on a train...
I then realise that
a.) I shouldn't have been listening to there conversation
b.) When something intelligent, I don't have nearly enough knowledge on the subject (an example being when 2 Royal School of Music students were discussing pros and cons of different pianos)
c.) I may make myself appear weird - an example being wanting to know what game a kid was playing on his DS, but then thinking it is wrong to talk to kids I don't know... - in hindsight this meant I was staring in the direction of that family all journey, whilst trying to look like I wasn't... :roll:


All of the above....it doesnt happen often because I dont leave the house much but I do have an occasional urge to share information or ask for information...sometimes I just blurt it out,and get "the look",sometimes they respond and it ends there.

I do "conversation" when someone approaches me....I am much better responder then initiator.


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Vegasadelphia
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18 Apr 2007, 3:25 pm

krex wrote:
I do "conversation" when someone approaches me....I am much better responder then initiator.


Same here. I can't initiate conversations very well at all. I am the best when someone asks me a specific question.



maldoror
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18 Apr 2007, 3:34 pm

I do that pretty often. Really I reccommend trying it as it eases alot of tension and social anxiety. All you have to do is wait until they turn a little in your direction, or tap them on the shoulder, and just ask them if they are from that part of Pennsylvania. Don't imagine what you look like doing it, just do it. You'd be surprised how willing people are to make conversation.



DingoDv
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18 Apr 2007, 3:36 pm

I wouldn't like being tapped on the shoulder, so I generally don't do it to others - you can really scare some people...



Vegasadelphia
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18 Apr 2007, 3:37 pm

maldoror wrote:
All you have to do is wait until they turn a little in your direction, or tap them on the shoulder, and just ask them if they are from that part of Pennsylvania.


The one time I did that, I recognized this girl from a train ride I took from Philly to Pittsburgh. I saw her in the mall, tapped her on the shoulder, and it was the weirdest thing every. The girl was utterly confused, her mother thought I was a nut, and it just didnt go well.



maldoror
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18 Apr 2007, 3:46 pm

Okay, maybe that's something that would precipitate a better reason, but although i've never done it, it never bothers me when people do it to me. Some people are taken off guard about that sort of thing, some people like the opportunity to talk, and you're always going to run into the former sometimes.



MrSinister
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18 Apr 2007, 4:45 pm

When I'm on a lengthy train journey and I'm eating, say, some jelly babies or whatnot, I will often offer them to anybody sitting near or opposite me, because I feel guilty about stuffing my face while they're right there next to me. I've often started up very nice conversations this way - never underestimate the power of confectionery to make folks like you, people :)


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