What should I do about this bullying problem at work?

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I worked a job in mining for the past few months and it's really getting on my nerves lately.

A few of the people their can be the real bullying type, especially to me, and I feel it's because I am autistic and the different behavior shows, to them, and they have a problem with it.

in this job, people can be very rude to each other but I here from my friends that is normal in mining and that in such a macho working environment that kind of behavior is normal, but for the past two years of working, there I feel like a lot of people, not just the boss, but co-workers as well, have been bullying me at work.

Now the boss is not on my side, and people have complained to him about it, are considered trouble makers. I feel that maybe the boss making everyone work overtime could be the reason why they are all on edge towards each other maybe.

But how do I deal with co-workers like that? I mean if you talk back, they are likely going to talk back to you more. If I threaten them in order to put fear into them and keep them quiet, then I get into trouble for making threats.

So what is the way to deal with a situation like this? I like the work, I just don't like the people and I feel if I quit, then I feel like a loose my self respect. I mean it's a lot of other workers who are the rude ones, why should I have to be the one to go?

The workers who are rude and bullying to others, I have noticed are real buttkissers to the boss. But why are they to such a dramatic extent? Are they worried about getting a raise or something that they may never get anyway? Why are they under so much pressure to make them act this way towards others for things that are not others faults?

I mean I talked about it with my gf and some friends and they said to just talk back. But how do you do that without making the situation worse? If I talk back then they are just going to talk back more and make my life more hell likely.

I mean you could try to insult them much more extreme, by saying... well the most horrible insults I can come up with I almost said to my coworker bully was "You are a suck a c#$ksucker f##$#t, that your newborn daughter is better off not born at all to dumb motherf$$54 like you who deserves to burn in hell". Just so you know, I never talk like that to people. I am a very nice guy, I just feel that in this case, maybe I need to take the gloves off. I mean if I say to to him to get him to back off once and for all maybe, will that work or will that just make things worse?

If he is saying really rude comments to me, blaming me for the mistakes that the boss is making and not me, like he does, should I tell him that he has ten seconds to shut his mouth or I will shut it for him?

That's what one friend said to tell him, but is that the best move? I am not sure what exactly to do here, in a situation like this, where the higher ups do not care to hear the complaints? Any ideas? I don't feel I should have to quit. Unless I find a better job, of course, but I do not want to quit and go for who knows how long without making money, just because people are bullying me.

Other friends have suggested to just ignore them, but since a lot of mob job requires me to have to speak and communicate with them verbally often throughout the day, that's pretty much impossible and I still have to hear it. If I ignore them they will come up to me and make sure I have to hear it for the rest of the day.

Any suggestions on what else to do?

Your instincts are right that you shouldn't fight with them, for several reasons. Everyone knows not to feed trolls.

If your higher-ups tolerate harassment, they are failed employers, and they may be tolerating crime depending on where you live. However, there's not much you can do about that despite any legalities.

Since this is an ASD forum, I have to note that the coworkers could be "just teasing" and you may be misreading it. This does not excuse the behavior, but it does lead to one possible solution:

You can address your coworkers directly, but lovingly, saying that you want to focus on your work and that you'd rather just communicate when it's relevant to your work. This is the first step toward, and is required in order to, proceed with legal action, but if addressing your coworkers, then your boss, in that order, doesn't help, I would recommend finding another workplace if it's possible given your resources and circumstance.

My father has never been diagnosed but he has many aspie traits--one of which is that on every job he has, he misreads social cues and there are always a few people who are just nasty about it. He tries to please everyone at times, and when someone "picks on" him, he isn't quick enough on the draw to tease back. Or he takes it seriously when it is just teasing--although at times, it is not nice teasing.

He worked at a place for over 30 years and there were several guys who always picked on him because he took it seriously. I knew these guys and they had potential to simply be jerks. A socially vulnerable individual like my dad brought out the ignoramus in them. I think my dad would have had better results if he had just ignored them and concentrated on doing his job. He is a good worker and very thorough. His employers were always quite satisfied with his work.

I don't think it would have helped had he fought back or insulted back--they were basically making fun of him to his face at times and he couldn't see it. You can't do much with that mindset, in my experience. IMO, at that point it is best to walk away or ignore the person if you can't walk away.

He has started another job (he didn't quit on account of these guys--the company folded and he was laid off) and unfortunately, there is someone at this new job too that he doesn't gel with. Same pattern--the guy gives him a hard time and dad keeps trying harder to please. It isn't working. His employers are satisfied with him so far--it is an issue of a coworker who is complaining to him, but really has no say in how dad should do his job. But he is listening to this guy when he should ignore him, and it gets him flustered.

My advice, after watching this dynamic with my dad, is to do your job and make sure your employers and immediate supervisors are happy with your work. You were hired to do the job. Yes, it is nice to get along with your coworkers and enjoy working with them...but if they are jerks, then you do your job and don't worry about them. It is an issue of respect. Unfortunately, if you are vulnerable and they are vultures, you may not earn their respect by your expert handling of social situations. But you can earn respect for being a conscientious worker. It may take a little longer, but I think you will ultimately be more successful because it is working with one of your strengths rather than letting them take advantage of your area of weakness.

I could relate.

Play to your own strengths (which as you said is being a nice guy). Don't try to beat macho idiots at their own game, they've had a lot more practice. Guys like that try to make themselves feel better by picking on what they see as a weakness. If you just react in a self assured manner, without stooping to their level they may tire of trying to wind you up - that might mean saying nothing at all except work related information.
If there is someone else in your workplace who has a mature way of dealing with people, maybe try to get on good terms with them, they could become an "ally" to deter those guys.
Also you could write down or record in some way the specific events that you see as bullying every time it happens and tell a manager or someone about it if you need to.

Bully can be unbelievably devastating. In French I believe is is called 'workplace assassination.'
I hope you are doing okay.
Eventually it's possible for other people to see the jerks for what they are, but
until that happens, trying never to react in ways that could be used against you is
a good idea.
Document the incidents--it's horrible to, but you might need that record.
And if it affects your health, go to the GP. Workplace stress no matter how caused is damaging:
it is a health and safety issue.

Okay thanks. This is not teasing though. I can tell the difference. They are stressed out, because it's a high pressure job, and they take out their shortcomings on others, which is different than teasing.

I have tried the whole being nice and not saying anything at all, and it's not working. They try harder as a result it seems and keep going. I don't want to stoop to their level but how do you not fight fire with fire?

I'm glad you're still there and still on here.

One thing that's been suggested to me to say if people are really horrible is something like:

'I didn't quite catch that, I didn't hear you, could you repeat it'.

It can't be used very often, obviously, but is a way to call a halt and reveal the nastiness.

In my case, I've tried everything, from ignoring my haters to trying to be sassy and rude.

I don't think sassy and rude is a great thing. That may come back to bite you, if it is something that can be used against you later. It might help to know specifics but I understand if you don't want to go into the particulars.

I think you should evaluate some things:

Are you doing your job and doing it well?
Are your supervisors/employers satisfied with your work?
Are the mean people interfering with you doing your job?
Are the mean people doing something to physically harm you or put you in danger, such as messing with your equipment, etc.? Anything such as that, that directly interferes with your personal safety needs to be documented and reported accordingly.

I am all for people being nice to each other. I also know that words can hurt. But...that said...we can't help what other people choose to say. We can choose how we react to it. When I was a kid, I was told "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." In our political correctness culture, it is *never* told to kids nowadays, at least not in the circles i am familiar with. But i think there is some truth to it still.

Doing your best to keep emotion out of it and go strictly on logical baselines such as these may help. A high stress job brings out the worst in all of us. For myself, i have a hard time developing a "thicker skin" as I can be sensitive and at times have a hard time separating logic from emotional involvement in the heat of the moment. I have to step back and ignore the emotions, so I can look at things objectively. This tendency has caused me problems more than once.

Sounds like a job where you may need to do your best to let some things roll off you and just do your job. If there are things that need to be reported, then document and report accordingly. Extend kindness if that would help, but be careful it is not seen as weakness.

Just my 2 cents.

I think training yourself to think positively to the extent that you can ignore them takes time. Personally, I'm kind of lashing out here, but I hate getting advice like that. Anyway, based on what you've said, it sounds like there's no immediate, practical solution to the harassment. Stay there as long as you're not feeling overwhelmed, but if you can't tolerate it much further, you need to find somewhere else that better suits you. Somewhere else in the same field may have a different social environment, so it may not have to destroy your career up to this point.

Do you think that convincing yourself that it's all a stupid attempt to hurt you and that the people who are hurting you are the ones in the wrong would help you?

I experienced bullying at work.
At first, i was emotionally hurt, because i wanted that my co-worker would be friends, i was kind and helpful (maybe too much).

This is what i did:
- i have limited my interactions strictly to work conversation, for the rest "it does not affect me", "i do not respond"
- they continued to speak on my back but i decided that as soon it doesn't affect my work, i don't CARE
- once, however, it really affected my work:
I directly sent a cold email to my boss "This... is happening, and it is affecting the efficiency of my work, so i think it is important that you are informed" (my e-mail efficiently solved the problem & long-term!)
- i have worked on a creative project to restore my self-esteem. I did not tell about it to others and when i presented the project finished they were just open-mouthed

Bullying finished, bin it , end of the story