My Mom is Dead

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She died this past October and I'm not doing that well. Can you all offer me advice to help me get through this?

I have one piece of advice which came to me immediately:

Remember the good times with her. And remember that she wouldn't want you to be sad because she's gone away. She would want you to live your life.

You should have told us about it in October.

Sometimes going through old photos, letters, and keepsakes is helpful. Some people visit their loved one's grave, leave flowers, and so on. Or you can do a charitable act in her memory.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time.

Your Ma was blessed to have a son who cared about her so much. I have no words for you because I don't know how I'll make it when my Ma is gone. I guess we are both blessed to have /had Ma's that are/were so wonderful. My heart goes out to you.

I to have often thought about what I would do when my mother and father pass, the thought often produces serious dread, I wonder what I will do without them. One saying I happen to recall is,"If you don't laugh, you cry.", I recall my grandma saying how she and her siblings would find humor in the various experiences they had while taking care of their own on their deathbed, along with the funny experiences they had with them throughout their life, which they still talk about. I can't yet even imagine what you might be experiencing now, but you have my regards as well, here's to beloved family and all the memories they bring.

No advice here.
Everyone is different.

My experience
I was mad at God
I was mad at cigarettes
Her death was related to that addiction.

Talking helped but I tended to isolate and then got sick

A friend gave me The a Velveteen Rabbit.
It seemed unrelated gift but it made me smile.

It's (grief) is like a roller coaster.

Sometimes it was just getting up eating and hugging a giant stuffed gorilla someone gave me.

Eventually God was a solace.
I still think of things is like to share. Used to think or not think and want to call her.

My brother and I grew closer which is still a big surprise.

My mother in law also died.
She always signed her cards

Love and prayers

I started doing that

Everyone goes through their own version of grief in their own time. (I'm still going through it, even though Mom's been gone 5 years, Dad's been gone 30 years, and my sister's been gone 50 years.) Take your time with grieving her, and don't let ANYONE tell you how long to grieve, lest they want to put you on meds.

my mother has has her fair share of health scares over the years, i am grateful she is around today because even though she may be well off enough now i still fear for her, every day. there often is tension in our relationship (repeaing...repeating...) and communication problems persist, but in another kind of way, i love her to death and i have no idea what i would to were i to lose her.

i haven't had any major losses in my family yet, i am grateful for that. but i guess that makes me unprepared.

don't let anyone dictate how you may grieve. everyone has their own way and that is perfectly acceptable, dammit. if you want to cry, or so nothing, or flip through mementos, that is all fine.

my GF knit me a scarf recently and when wearing it i feel like she is beside me, her presence being comforting, a strange aura to it, inserted knit by knit. maybe there is something like that for you, for your own mom?

she's lucky to have someone who cares for her. i hope she knows that....

i'm not sure what else to say. live your life, that's what she worked for, i think.

I lost my father last year and it hit me harder than I thought it would, because I knew it was coming about a month before he passed, I still occasionally find items or events will remind me of him and will bring up some sadness but I promise you over time if you remember the good times you can look back with both love and fond memories to help you get through this hard time. I will give you the best advise that I've ever been given by the priest that talked to me when I was having a very hard time with everything after all was said and done with my father.

No one can or has the right to tell you how to grieve nor what is right or wrong for you. Everyone grieves the loss of a parent in their own way. Right now you may be overloaded and flooded with emotions that you don't know how to handle, but if you listen to yourself and just do what feels right you will be all the better for it. If you want to cry your eyes out, don't hold back, lock the door and cry it out until you can't cry anymore. If you feel like you need to scream, do it and don't hold back. This is a time for you to cope and heal in what ever way will help you. If someone else takes exception to that, then to hell with them.

I feel your pain, I really do, but just remember that talking to someone about it is surprisingly effective at releasing both the stress and the pain you feel. If you have someone else in the the family or a friend your close to, tell them the all the good stories you can think of, it will help you remember all of the good times you had. It will get better, just remember to do what feels right to you. There are no rules to grieving.

I can only offer Sweet Pea hugs

i'll offer hugs, too.

Hi, (((hugs))) my mom died suddenly of a heart problem no one knew she had. That was 30 years ago when I was 33. I read a book about grief at the time that was very helpful. It was called, "When going to Pieces Holds you Together". I don't think it is still in print but you might find it at used book sites. The main point is that there is no timetable on grief. It is a process, like a journey. It said that grief will come in waves and that when the waves of grief wash over you, you should give them expression and not try to hide them under the rug. Because if you try to hide it under the rug you will only end up having to go through it later, plus with "interest" meaning having a harder time of it than if you would have just expressed your grief right away. So allow yourself times to cry, or scream, or "not cope" for a while. And don't let anyone tell you that you should be over this by now. Grief is a hard journey. Since I am 30 years further on the journey, I can tell you that it does get easier with time. Still though Mothers Day, her birthday, and my birthday are the hardest days of the year for me. (((more hugs)))