I don't think I'll meet my dream woman

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I don't think I'll ever get to date a conventionally beautiful or attractive woman in my lifetime. I have nothing to offer and I just want to die because it breaks my heart so much. I feel so jealous of some guys I knew who dated or married beautiful attractive women. Their attractiveness is what motivates me.

I feel that because I have disabilities, I will be viewed as a turn off. I have no confidence at all. All disabled people I know are freaks, like they have Down Syndrome, so their faces look different. Even an otherwise physically attractive person, I'd be a little turned off by anyone who I know to be "different" (as in having a disability). I want a beautiful, able-bodied woman, not an outcast woman who can't speak well or has deformity of any kind.

I really wish this weren't true for me. I want hope and advice too.

I don't have the motor control disability that you have, but I do have some language processing issues because of autism which causes me to sound a bit weird sometimes and also requires me to pause and think about what to say sometimes, so I can sort of relate because people can generally tell that there is something strange about me by my speech alone.

I for one fully expect to date girls with autism and/or other disabilities because we would be able to understand each other better and she would likely be more tolerant and understanding of my autistic tendencies and weaknesses. I try not to prioritize looks and I honestly think that I would be happier with someone like that. The only thing that resembles a relationship I have ever had was with a NT girl and we were just completely incompatible. Granted, I still have a lot of dating to do and a lot more "learning experiences" ahead of me. From what I understand though, ASD/ASD relationships tend to be easier and work out better then ASD/NT ones.

Beauty is subjective, culture based, and always in the eye of the beholder. I don't think you should prioritize it over someone who is compatible with you and has a personality that you like. That's not to say that that a relationship with a non-disabled person isn't possible, there are many people out there to whom a disability is not a deal breaker.

I know it may seem like something stupid and hard to fathom, (I still am working on it my self) but from my observations and experience actively looking for your dream woman doesn't work. What seems to help is to stop looking for the perfect someone and work on making your self happy, successful, and find a way to enjoy life. This will bring confidence to your life, which is one of the main attributes that will help to attract someone. I've had the luck to talk fairly candidly to some women about what is a primary attribute of attraction for them and more often than not, looks are not the top priority.

However my proprioception deficiency is acting up so I have to get up and relocate all my limbs.

I understand people that say looks should not be a priority, but I can't find any woman I have a chance with to be very attracted to at all. So at the same time, if she has everything else but looks are not there at all, I will never be attracted.

Ditto on the speech processing issue.

Whatever you do, don't ask for more than you give yourself.

Sadly, what I can give myself I can't because it seems so out of my control. I feel like a total outcast.

Chances are that you will. Stop worrying about when it'll happen, just be confident that this person is 'out there' ... you'd also be surprised to know that the person you'll eventually spend your life with won't necessarily be a 'dream woman' but instead someone who puts up with your own quirks, and has some neat quirks of her own. At least that's my own opinion of the ideal relationship for an Aspie

Sounds like you'd rather define yourself by the attributes your partner would have that you aspire to, rather than work with accepting yourself and finding the beauty in who you are for yourself. If you can love yourself for what you are you will be far more likely to see attractive qualities in other non picture perfect people. Another way of saying this is that your standards and expectations for human beings in general, are too high. Sure you can go around and be disgusted by people, but that ultimately leaves you disgusted with being human. You can't change the nature of humanity so you should think about what you CAN change to not be sad, jealous and disgusted.

Finally, there are scant few people who are 'normal'. Even people who don't appear to have a disability can have them, just like some people can be near death and not look it. Like the people who you are jealous of? You aren't seeing everything. Trust me on that one. Everyone's messed up, everyone has problems even if they aren't disabled.

You need to listen to Jimmy Soul my friend:


"...If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he married her and then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart

But if you make an ugly woman your wife
A-you'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ug-a-ly woman cooks meals on time
And she'll always give you peace of mind

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Say man!
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day!
Yeah?
Yeah, an' she's ugly!
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright!

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you..."
-Jimmy Soul

How good are you at cooking and keeping a household running? I think these are things an Aspie can be very good at as they don't require socializing skills. Many women like the idea of having a beautiful flower garden, but don't really have the skills or time to make an maintain one--could you learn how--perhaps by volunteering or helping out a community garden?

Being a good cook is doubly important if you are picky about your food. Many people who are image conscious are also picky about what they eat--special diets and such. Many foods are easier to eat if they are expertly prepared and served at just the right moment of perfection.

Nobody meets their "dream woman."

One should seek out somebody with as much "dream qualities" as possible, though.

Great cooking is not important to me. But the ability to converse virtuously is. If I meet a pretty woman who can't cook, yet who can converse virtuously, I would be quite satisfied, indeed.

Look on the bright side. There are many women out there that will not have your best interests in mind. With one of my recent trans girlfriends, she was nothing but manipulative and would spread lies about me on a forum that I am trying to move on from. My current girlfriend is someone that respects me very much and we have so much in common. I hope to get engaged to her one day and when I am done sending off my sperm to a sperm bank, watch out world, offspring are coming and lots of them. Lots of little me's running around and I can teach them about the Gospel and sending them to Christian camp so they won't have to put up with what I have had to deal with.

I don't feel encouraged. I just feel like everyone i can potentially date would never be considered beautiful or sexy at all, even if it was just me. Why do i want to date or marry an attractive sexy woman? Because I just want to and I also want to be a confident guy.

My current girlfriend didn't really excite me in the looks department at all. All I can say is that she is a sweet girl, but it's not doing a lot for me.

For example, looks wise, I like girls with a few tattoos and dark sexy hair. Glasses look cool, but totally optional.
They aren't my only "type" though.

K Kelly, I know this is the Haven and we're not supposed to criticize other people here, but you are shallow. And shallow combined with less than super attractiveness is a hopeless case. There are many beautiful, shallow people who have the attitude, "I could/would never date anyone with a disability." Then they find an equally beautiful and shallow person to date, and they're a perfect match.

So work on being your own best self and develop some true compassion for others. The partnering will work itself out.

I saw a blog that suggested that a woman with one young kid is the least attractive date to potential suitors because their lives usually revolve around the kid so most men avoid her. But, it is quite likely that a divorcee that has one young kid is more beautiful by conventional American standards than someone with teenagers--or one with several kids.