ADD, ASD or both? Please help - I need to understand

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I’ve spent a year reading up on autism, reading stuff on WP an on the internet in general, and I still can’t figure out whether I’m autistic or not. I would really appreciate it if others would weigh in. I am very scared about bothering my doctor with this without having a clear agenda.

I’m sort of coming to the conclusion that I probably have ADD, but the question is whether I am also autistic. The tests pretty unanimously put me only just on the autistic side. My biggest problems in life are executive functioning and managing the social life of the family.

I started by reading this list of traits of female aspergers here: ww.help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d4f6a/images/img244154ad237783e339.JPG
Everything fits me, except the friendlessness and shyness. I could actually have done with a bit of shyness in life, it might have kept me from putting my foot in my mouth repeatedly.

What makes me think I’m not autistic, is that I simply don’t have the levels of anxiety that a lot of people here are struggling with, and I’m not so much a creature of habit.

Traits:
- Inexpressive face. People often ask me why I am angry, including my own family, when I am just concentrating. My dad is the same, but I never thought he was angry, just peaceful. Or they tell me to calm down when I’m working hard and having fun.

- Sometimes I am way too expressive, talk too loud, wave my arms a lot.

- Trouble paying attention. I often hear people talking to me as if they are far away, but am unable to react. Then I snap out of it, run a playback of the sounds in my head, and then make sense of what they are saying.

- I often miss the first part of a sentence. My dad has the same thing.

- I notice that when others mishear what I tell them, they make category mistakes, like confusing ham and cheese. I would confuse cheese and streets, because the sounds are similar.

-A very singsong voice. Poor diction.

-No sense of space. Poor balance, can’t copy someone else’s movements.

- Hyperlexic, a really good ear for languages. I generalize rules from details.

- Was very good at maths until high school, when I suddenly stopped understanding stuff.

- A really good sense of direction.

- Really bad handwriting.

- A mind that never stops thinking.

- Had friends as a child. Only played with boys in kindergarten, then had ok friendships in primary school, but felt different. Was always told I was more mature than my friends. Am not so certain. Lost all friends in high school.

- Was at the top of my class, bored mindless in school, spent a lot of time reading books and daydreaming.

- Spent childhood reading an absurd number of books. Was scared of doing other things because people would interrupt me.

- I do repetitive work really well.

- Interested in everything under the sun. Even stuff I don’t understand, like physics. Tend to obsess about a topic for a while, and then go cold.

- No trouble with metaphors. I use them more than most people, but have trouble describing things clearly, so I use allegory a lot.

- Always was scared of falling asleep, but slept like a log every night until I had a baby. Now I lie awake and worry.

- No repetitive routines.

- Not a fearful child, very confident in my ability to learn new things.

- Easily startled, I scream and yell when it happens.

- Sensitive to light, medication, chlorine in water and restrictive clothing. Scratchy clothes are not a problem.

- Insensitive to sound, don̈́t understand why people are so upset by it. I am bothered by other people’s presence; whether they make sounds or not is beside the point. Sensitive to sound as a child.

- Silence bothers me when I try to concentrate. I’ve studied for exams in pubs.

- I get very stressed out by groups, it makes me hyper and I talk too much. Unstructured group situations are the worst, then I try to fix it. Unable to shut up in a corner somewhere. Feel that my body language betrays my nervousness.

- I do very well in one-on-one situations. Teachers and therapists like me because I think about things. I am hobby psychologist and doctor to my friends.

- I fidget a lot. Constantly moving my feet, rubbing my face, but nothing extreme.

- I have times when I just can’t communicate anymore and I just go to bed. I get exhausted from social situations and just fall asleep. Nothing does it quite like family visits.

- People accuse me of lying, even my own child. It’s absurd!

- I give way too much detail. Classic little professor. I used to remember everything, now my mind is going.

- No problems with food that can’t be explained by health issues.

- Used to be very self-centered, now I try to focus on others, but it’s conscious.

- On the other hand I can pick up on other people’s emotions to the point where they drown out my own.

- Always had trouble asking questions. Possibly because people told me I was stupid a lot. I thought I was supposed to understand everything without anyone telling me.

- As a child, I had no idea what my friends knew, so I sometimes overexplained and sometimes assumed they knew things they didn’t know. Either way I got yelled at.

- All my social skills disappear when I am stressed out. It’s scary. Multitasking is not my thing.

The one thing that strikes me most forcefully is that what people write on WP is so easy to understand. I usually have a huge problem with watching videos, but when I watch people with autism/aspergers on Youtube, I am actually paying attention.

If you made it to the end of this wall of text, I am very grateful. Does this sound like autism to you? ADD? ADHD? Or a combination?

Yours, underwater.

Honestly, this sounds a lot like ADHD, inattentive type. The way you describe your lack of shyness and general anxiety, a want/need to connect with others, but difficulty doing so because you come across as "odd" or different, your mind which "never stops thinking" (would "racing" be an accurate description?), the amount of time in school spent daydreaming, an interest in "everything under the sun", difficulty studying when it's quiet, a tendency towards hyperactivity in groups, and constant fidgeting.

A few clarifying questions for you.

When you develop an obsession over something, is it the only thing you focus on, or do you find yourself jumping from one topic to another, based on this "interest in everything" (i.e, is this interest in everything at the same time, or everything, progressing methodically from one subject to the next?)

As a child, did you ever get in trouble for not paying attention, or did people think you were "spacy", or notice you daydreaming a lot?

You say you read a lot because you were afraid of people interrupting you while you were doing things. Was this a fear of having to rapidly switch tasks or interrupt a routine, or a fear that, once interrupted, you wouldn't be able to return to focusing on what you were doing, leaving the task unfinished?

underwater, I suggest you print out your original post above, and take it to show to your doctor. You definitely have enough possible traits to warrant an evaluation by a specialist.

Nobody can properly diagnose him- or herself because they would lack objectivity, so give up trying. If it makes you feel better having test results, there are some online tests you could take, but they are only for screening, not for diagnosis. (See sticky in this forum section if you are interested.)

Good luck.

Well, I'm becoming fairly certain that I should ask to be assessed for that. What I wonder is whether it's ASD as well



Well, my mind doesn't as much race as problem solve every waking hour. Trudging along would be more accurate.



Not really. If I have to watch a video I tend to stop it and read something and then go back. I find reading much faster and infinitely more relaxing than having to listen to someone explain something. So for example I was on a two-year cooking bender, obsessively reading cooking blogs and experimenting in the kitchen, but while I was reading I would jump between the blogs and for ex. regular news because my mind needs some breaks to process stuff. I love chatting with people about whatever they do for a living, because, basically, everybody is a nerd about something, and I like to learn new things. I would rather spend a whole day doing the same subject and something else the next day, than a little bit of each both days.



Oh yeah. However, I got away with a lot in school because my results were so good and because I was obviously interested in learning. Me being spacey is a standing joke in my father's family. I find it less funny.



Good question. I've been trying to think about this, but wasn't sure, partly because I've forgotten a lot about my childhood. It helps to be asked questions. Mainly, I think, because my mother viewed my spacing out as unhealthy and made a point of interrupting me a lot. This freaked me out no end, and I felt very guilty about doing anything at all and being a bother. Because reading doesn't make noise or make a mess, I was ignored more if I was reading, so I felt safer. I just felt really confused and unsure what was required of me when I was interrupted. It was hard to switch gears so to speak. I don't really have routines that leave me jittery if I don't do them. My mom still lectures me on having to do something about being more attentive if I want to start working again.

Actually, I'm not trying to diagnose myself. I'm trying to get feedback about whether I should bother my doctor with this at all. I've been taking those tests, and they rather consistently indicate mild autism, but I am not certain I understand what they mean, and worry that I might be answering them wrong. Also, that might just be ADHD because there are a lot of common traits.

I have such bad experiences with doctors that I would like to come there with a dissertation on the subject and a well thought out spiel. That's why I thought of mentioning only ADHD if there is minimal evidence of ASD.

Printing out the above was a good idea, since I've already gone to the trouble.

The thing is, I have a family, and I am so afraid that social services would come after my child, in the event of a diagnosis. But I can't keep living the way I am now.

By the way, I am being rude. Thank you both for contributing, it means really a lot to me to actually talk to someone who knows something about this. I realize you guys can't tell me anything specific, but the conversation really helps me think. I can get really stupid when I am only discussing this with myself.

Actually, a fully qualified psychiatrist may diagnose you with whatever they see when they assess you. You don't need to go in with a specific diagnosis in mind. Plenty of people get diagnosed with autism when they never suspected it.

Why do you say "I can't keep living the way I am now"? in other words, what kinds of distress and poor function are bothering you and interfering with you life? Let's say the answer to that is "A."

Then you go to your doctor and say "I am having difficulties 'A.' I think I possibly have either autism or ADHD, so I'd like to be assessed for those by a psychiatrist with that expertise. I've printed out this list of symptoms that might be either of those diagnoses. Could you please refer me?" Your doctor will undoubtedly ask you some questions, but when you present yourself in this clear and logical a way, it's pretty hard for a doctor to deny you.

Incidentally, I don't remember from your list, which I read a while ago, but any family history of either? That's definitely relevant, both to you and your doctor and to the psychiatrist who does your assessment.

Thanks for explaining how to talk about it. I guess what stumps me is that there are so many things on that list that bother me, and I don't know where to start. But I think I should simply take something written with me. These are complex disorders, they are not as easy to talk about as the flu.

I have quite a few problems that can't stay the way they are, including not having a job, and not being able to start and complete tasks and basically not feeling any joy. And being completely overwhelmed by organizing my child's social life. I am so not fit for it.

The family history thing is also something that really bothers me about seeing a psychiatrist. My mother's family has a lot of schizophrenia; it is really the scourge of the family. I am afraid that a psychiatrist would zone in on that and not hear anything else. This being my experience with doctors, that they don't really consider things rationally, but tend to just grab the nearest diagnosis due to time pressure. I think someone in my family would have noticed by now if I had it, because they are so familiar with it. I am aware that self insight is not something that comes with schizophrenia, which is why I rely on others. My problems are not new, just worse.

The thing is that I take after my father, who has no diagnosis. However, he has some of the attention problems I have, some social skills problems, a very rigid and rule-oriented mindset and a very negative view of other people. I've heard that kids have been afraid of him because they think he looks angry, which is just absurd to me. He is a very calm person who lives a very quiet life. He's been know to lose friends after going on rants. He can start shaking when worked up, just like me. He says himself that he is not "practical" even though he grew up on a farm.

He's got bad fine motorics which have gotten worse with age. He constantly drops things. He can be very abrupt, and he has some of the same problems with timing conversation that I have. He was a very good student, but basically got an undemanding job and kept it until pension. My mother had huge problems with his sedentary lifestyle. When I was a child, he very seldom came up with activities for me, unlike my mother, who would drag me kicking and screaming to do sports.

All of these things take a lot of time to say to someone.

There is an old saying about autistic people: when you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. I strongly suspected that I was autistic because when I was quite young, I was non-verbal; I didn't talk until I was 4-5. My mother told me that one of the doctors that she took me to see said that I was likely autistic and that she should put me into an institution. Fortunately for me, my mother refused this "advice" and didn't institutionalize me. In those days, autism was thought to be a severe emotional disturbance. I started talking and thus it was thought that I was "cured" of my autism.

Many, many, many decades later: Autism was accepted to be as a neurological issue rather than a severe emotional disturbance. It was thought that autistic people lack imagination and lack "theory of mind." Myself, I succeeded in living mostly independently, made my own living, eventually as a computer programmer. I recently retired. I have a lively imagination and have written short stories and a novel. I also am a photographer. I thought that I was perhaps too imaginative to be autistic. But I knew that I had problems relating to people and reading social signs. So I thought that I probably could have still been autistic.

What I did was get a referral from the Autism Society of America. They referred me to a psychiatrist who is knowledgeable about autism. I got my diagnosis. Lo and behold, I'm still as autistic as I was when I was 3 years old.

Why am I telling you this? I would go to a doctor who is knowledgeable about autism and get a diagnosis and find out what you truly have. It will ease your mind a lot. Don't worry about "bothering" your doctor; that's what doctors are for, finding out about you and your health issues. Hopefully, if your doctor isn't knowledgeable about issues of the mind, he/she will refer you to a doctor who is.