Faking it for so long

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It has recently occurred to me that I've become so used to "faking" being NT (diagnosed later in life, still not disclosed at work) that I'll often agree to things that even family say without understanding what they've said. I do it without thinking, when really I should be asking what they mean, but I think it's just become a habit that I realise I "should" know what they mean (by NT standards) so I don't ask for clarification. Does anyone else do the same?

Absolutly

Yup - guilty as charged.

I spend too much time asking myself "did I agree to this...? I've gotta pay better attention next time to what I'm being asked".

Thank you eggheadjr and ASPartOfMe! Good to know it's not just me.

Yes. Too many automatic responses, but it's hard to get over that habit.

Yep. It's the ingrained mask that is actually so difficult to dislodge, even consciously attempting to do so.
I do the same thing with emotion - I'll display an emotional response, like laughter or anger, but I really don't feel anything. It's the response required that is going to meet the least resistance, be the most "normal" and I just do it out of reflex, even though the underlying emotion is absent.
I really wish I could stop this fake reflex, but like I said, hard.

Yes! I've been told I have "canned laughter," but if I just stood there and said, "That's nice," I'd probably get chewed out. Still, it is so draining providing rote emotional responses.

Amen to all of the above.

I do my own thing.
Does this make me popular?
No.
Oh well.

Thanks to everyone for your replies. I've been told that I should make more allowances for myself, like more downtime etc after I had a bit of a problem a couple of years ago. I'm concerned that all this "acting normal" is having an adverse effect on my own wellbeing (it's exhausting, afterall!). I'm trying to be more myself at home but it doesn't come easily.

It takes time, but you will get there. That was part of a turning point I reached a few months ago--allowing myself to be/do whatever I want at home, since no one could judge me. Prior to that, I was making good changes in my life, but still worried too much about being "normal." I didn't realize I was doing that until I start analyzing the lack of ease I had despite being happier in certain areas of my life. Once I allowed myself to be natural at home, things started (and continue) to fall into place. Be patient and forgiving with yourself, and good luck to you.

Yeah, I hate faking it, too. Also, imagine having to wear a straight mask when you're gay, or a Yankee mask when you're an immigrant, or a happy mask when you're five minutes away from jumping off the highest bridge in town, or a satisfied worker mask when what you really want to do is shoot up your jobsite. I have so many masks I don't even know what I look like.

All the time. I find if I try to understand things, people will just think I am stupid. I don't think my mom wants to bother anymore because she just cuts off the topic or doesn't say anything else. I am an adult now so she doesn't owe me her time anymore of spending twenty or two hours explaining stuff to me. If I want to try and understand things, that is my own responsibility now.

Most of you seem to have an ability that I don't,
the "luxury" of faking it.
I guess my lack of choice in the matter is for the best.
I can fit in up to a point I suppose.
That said, I really don't,
not even when I try.

I used to try way too hard to fake it. I think that my attempts of covering up my ASD made it show even more. Now that I'm in college, I find that people are more accepting than they are in high schools. I don't feel the need to cover it up as much. I still find myself "faking it" in social situations, but I don't hide my special interests and I don't feel as afraid to disclose with my instructors.

Thanks HighLlama. I think realisation is the first step, and making change is the next one. I appreciate your comment.