I feel useless

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I am too able and intelligent not to work, but too anxious and socially phobic to work. My boss and supervisors know about my anxiety disorder, but I sometimes find myself under pressure and unable to cope, and being told to 'just get on with it' - not in those words, but it is implied. It makes me feel useless in the working world.

I feel that people don't understand that something that doesn't seem that bad to them, is daunting to me. I am on meds, but they will not cure me. They make me control anger better, but I still get panic attacks at work. I just feel that people don't understand how petrified I feel inside sometimes.

Anxiety is a difficult thing to understand, I know. But it's frustrating for those with the disorder, because we feel like we're overlooked.

Is there an effective way I can explain how bad I feel anxious at certain things to get people to understand?

Think of a situation that would cause an NT a similar level of anxiety then use that as an analogy to have them be able to understand what you are going through.

For example I have social anxiety. When it was really bad years ago I would ask someone to think of the animal that they feared most whether its a tiger or a lion, then imagine the streets were filled with them instead of people. Everytime I walked down the street and saw a person I would have the same fear as the NT would feel as if the person wasn't a person but was instead a lion or something/someone they feared most.

I could say spider. A lot of NTs I know are afraid of spiders.

I just feel that my anxiety makes me a bad person. It makes me look weak or stupid. I feel that some people at work get angry with me when I get panicked, and then they don't like me. Then that makes me feel I shouldn't be there. I know that this is not strictly true, but it's just what I feel.

It's like with my social anxiety, people say ''social anxiety is more common than you think and you are not alone'', but I feel alone in it. I feel that when I walk down the street, everybody's staring at me and judging and watching, like I'm the center of the universe, or that I look so, so weird, weirder than the weirdest of people, even though I don't do anything to look weird enough to draw attention. I often meet visibly 'weird' people, but I still feel that they don't get stared at as much as me. So if social anxiety was more known about, then I think people would be able to consider that. But they don't. They think that staring at me will not do me any damage, but it is. It is tearing me up inside, and sooner or later I'm going to become agoraphobic or something.

Each time I go out, I worry that something really humiliating will happen to me, that's beyond my control. It's happened before, a few months ago, when I got falsely accused for stealing from a shop, and had an angry shop-assistant running down the road screaming at me like I was a criminal, and everybody looked accusingly at me. I was more horrified of being shown up in public like that, than being accused of stealing (when I clearly hadn't), and it's such a rare and unlikely thing to happen, but yeah it still had to happen to me, didn't it? I will never forget that, and what makes it worse is that I have social anxiety.

But anyway, back to the work issue. I didn't have a very good day today. I got upset twice, and I think I have accidentally got into my boss's bad books, which is really horrible because it happened before, and I felt threatened. Tomorrow is my day off (thank God), but they have a monthly meeting scheduled tomorrow afternoon, and you are required to attend, whether you're on shift or not. I don't want to go at all. But I feel that they are going to be angry with me if I don't go. So I'd better go, although after today I don't think I want to face them tomorrow, even though I've got to face it all on Wednesday when it's my next shift.

I hate that they make you attend the meeting even if it's officially your day off! That's messed up in my book. What's the point of granting a day off so that you can take a break from work, yet have to go to work again for a work-related meeting -- which is part of work...

I really wish and hope you can find another job soon. This one seems miserable in so many ways.

i was told before being fired from last job that i shouldnt work i am a liability rather than asset
before that also i was fired and told samething.

people with anxiety are sick and they need serious rest. medications are temporary relief
and suppress for a while thats what i was told by my doctor

Joe, you've chosen not to acknowledge your Asperger's, I think even to yourself. But don't you see how having that on top of anxiety, gives you a harder row to hoe, than someone with anxiety alone?

I hope you will be kind and accepting toward yourself. I look at you and see someone who is doing the best she can. Don't you deserve some credit for that?

Is it time to start looking for a new job, possibly one that lets you work from home? Just a suggestion.

Have you not made your bosses aware that you have Asperger's Joe90?

I know from other posts of yours that you feel like your diagnosis doesn't fit you as you see yourself now, and you feel that you are barely affected by ASD. But I agree with Bea in regard to how actually disclosing to your bosses and co-workers might in fact transform your experiences with them.

I didn't know they they didn't know you have ASD and anxiety. If you let them know these things, they are actually obliged by law to be more accommodating to how best to help you do your job more comfortably, happily and productively.

I would also add though, that I don't believe anyone isn't necessarily "doing the best they can." While it's easier to accurately assess that someone who posts about trying hard is probably indeed doing the best they can, at the same time when someone else posts more negatively more often, on a message board like these ones, that doesn't always mean they are just straight-up a person who isn't also "doing the best they can."

Personally I do the best I can in my whole life, I've strived and strived, but this to me is a place to vent that the struggle is killing me. And I still wake up the next day and try and try. Until you know me and see me in my REAL life you can't say either way, in my case, and that must be true of others. I don't think anyone has to be singled out as doing the best they can when I think most human beings are doing just that. Some may vent more to the negative but I think we still all do what we're capable of, and if that falls short to someone else's standard then that's on them, not the person being judged.

It's crazy that they make you attend the meeting on your day off.

Sometimes (this is true), they might forget about your little transgression, your little expression of anxiety, and just tell you to continue doing a good job.

This has happened to me. Sometimes, people do forget little things.

I hope the meeting goes well.

I just want to correct something - I did not say Joe90 should disclose to their employer - that's a different issue altogether.

I think Joe, you should acknowledge it to yourself, and maybe learn some ways for that extra knowledge to help you cope better. Best of luck.

My employer already knows I have the sh***y AS. But I don't think the boss is very nice as a boss. She has an intimidating way about her, and a loud voice, and if she's in a bad mood she can rant on and on. She's very, very confident, which is good for her, but other people's moods and body language affects me really greatly, and makes me feel uneasy. So she isn't always going to stop and think ''oh, Jo has this Asperger's Syndrome, I should listen to her if she doesn't want to do something''.

The answer is, to get out of there. I am looking for a new job, I want to anyway because I want to move in with my partner soon, well, tomorrow really. I can't stand another moment at work any more.
You see, it's a care home. And I am a cleaner (that position is what I specifically applied for). But now they are making the cleaners do some care work, which does not make me feel comfortable and causes delays in my time and I don't get my work done properly. Being behind schedule makes me feel anxious, because I want to get out on time. I want to finish on time, and go home to chill. I've done my day at work, I don't want to be delayed by an hour or more.

The other cleaners don't seem to mind the extra work we have to do. But I just want to be able to do my own job. I don't want to have to think of extra things I have to do right at the other end of the building. I don't need the extra stress. But when I try to say to my boss how I'm feeling, they just say ''what's so wrong with doing X, Y and Z?'' or, ''they've all got to do it'', so, in other words, they're just telling me to just get on with it and don't argue.

Also, they all say that whatever role you are doing (whether it's cleaning, cooking, administrating, maintenance), you are still practically a carer. So as a cleaner, I am caring by keeping the home clean. Although they have a point, I don't see why they should expect us cleaners to go further than just cleaning, if they don't wish to. I wouldn't like to do care, which is why I went for the cleaning (which I didn't know would be such a horrible job). Also they say that if you don't like it then there's the door. I am aware of that, but I can't leave until I have another job.

And because this is going round and round in circles, it is making me feel a range of emotions, like angry, fed up, despondent, anxious, tearful, irritable, and depressed. And, being on these meds, I don't generally feel like that, so it must be work itself that is driving me to an early grave. And I'm scared that I'm going to explode at work, and embarrass myself and get into trouble. I don't want that either.

If you are willing to do cleaning, you should have no trouble finding another position in an industry that does not involve caring roles. Possibly offices or commercial establishments, schools, something like that. The fact that you have experience will serve you in good stead.

Good luck with moving in with boyfriend! Perhaps you can apply for jobs that are either near his place, or have good transportation. Is his daughter still living there?

Supervisors have a lot of irons in the fire, and often being sensitive to each and every worker's needs is not high on the list. I'm sorry this job isn't working out for you, but hopefully the next one will.