Not wanting to do things you don't want to do

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Anyone else absolutely hate doing things they don't want to do?

I'm 23, don't work (currently looking for a job though), and don't drive because of my anxiety. Most of the time I just want to stay in my room all day (or on the sofa in the living room) and not do anything accept go on my phone (Twitter, YouTube, listen to music). My mom begs me to help out around the house (and gets mad at me because I don't and thinks I'm lazy and don't want to do anything all day), but I just stay on my phone all day because it's what I want to do, and it makes me feel happy/calm/relaxed. I know I should help out because it's the right thing to do, but I just don't. I pretty much have zero motivation to do stuff I don't want to (house chores and other things like that) and only want to do what I want to do. It's like I love planning my day around what I myself want to do, and hate planning my day around what people want me to do (especially if it involves something I hate doing). What can I do about this?

It's a known part of the condition, and it's called PDA or Pathological Demand Avoidance. Try to find a way to either enjoy doing the chores (see it as exercise, enjoy looking at the clean you made, etc) or focus on the reason chores need to be done until they outweigh your propensity for avoiding them. Use headphones and listen to something pounding.

I think comfort zoning has a large role to play in the problem. As Aspies we grow used to unpredictable things creating problems for us, so we have a tendency to cocoon ourselves in to our own safe spaces and limit external interference.

Chores must be done. Do them fast, do a good job and you'll feel better for it when you can get comfortable again knowing you did them. 'Sall I have.

Even with ASD there are times when I am honestly lazy for selfish reasons. Other times I appear lazy because the task at hand is emotionally breaking me, but no one can see it. I think its important to understand which situations might just be outright laziness.

Hate to break it to you but your mom is right. You're lazy in that respect that you don't wanna do house work and just sit around all day and be on the phone. Atleast you're looking for work though or else she'd be all over you even more so.

Wow you're 23 and spend all day playing with your phone?
Hate to break it to you but being an adult means having to do stuff to contribute, now that you're a grown up you can't expect your mum to be picking up after you!
Why not crank up some music you like and do some housework? I love the satisfaction I get from keeping my place clean and tidy.
Your "zero motivation" attitude would also spill over into your search for a job (are you really searching for a job when you're lying on the couch playing with your phone?). If you were to obtain work would the same attitude continue through? "Sorry boss, couldn't be bothered doing anything for you." "Don't want to come to work today".

Time to haul your arse up off the couch and start contributing to society me thinks.

I don't mind admitting it, but I do feel a ot of resistance when people tell me I should travel, travel, travel!! !

I work, own a home, have lived alone for 8 years, and value my independence, but if it was up to me, I'd just stay home for the rest of my life and make things to sell. I've done some traveling before, and I just don't feel a pleasure rush from it.

Making things is much more enjoyable.

To the original poster, I feel your pain. To those speaking out to say she is lazy here, IMO is not helpful and in fact judgemental. I'm no expert, but I know what this is like. I too ATM especially have this very problem, but I don't even use a phone or have fb either, often just sitting or standing in one place staring into space (quite often with daydreams aboard). Lately because it calms me a lot of tv on Netflix but usually I don't like too much tv, so know something is up if I'm binge watching.

As much as I seem calm and lazy, I am so very very heavy inside knowing the things I just need to get done and not doing them for the inability to just not be able to action it. It's cyclic and painful inside knowing you are s**t useless and still not doing anything about it, because you ARE conscious of the facts. I'm not calling anyone s**t useless, just my feelings and true beliefs that I know shouldn't be, exist and are real for me. I'm actually a really helpful and hardworking person if I am aware of the task and needs clearly. But I never help myself!

It's real and I learned something in voidnulls post. Helpful reply because I have learn occasionally to get around it like this. It sometimes gets things done. Thanks for sharing that, it's hard to admit stuff like this.

Most people who know me would be surprised if I said I am lazy and just want to sit around playing video games. That is because I have a job and am a husband and father. I meet the obligations for those roles, but then any time I have left I am lazy as heck.

what the ef! executive functions: task initiation strategy by LAURIE MOORE SKILLINGS, SCAC

Can you plan in your own cleaning in your own time frame so that way it is something you want to do, not something your mother wants you to do?

What if you had a place of your own, would you then be able to do cleaning?


I am sure I appear lazy to my mother because I don't do things fast enough under her own time frame. Like right now the table needs to be wiped but I don't want to do it and I will when I feel like it. The carpet also needs to be vacuumed but I will do it later and picking up the pile of dirt I left after I swept a few days ago.