Is it really a gift?

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I was recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, and I do not disagree with it. I recognize myself in a lot of the symptoms.

I've been researching it a lot, and reading articles and statements of other people with autism as well, eg. Temple Grandin.

Many of them speak of autism as a gift. And if autism for you means that you have amazing academic capabilities, the ability to remember everything, or perhaps recreate anything you see with pen and paper, then yes, I can see that you might consider autism to be a gift.

But if you take away the gifted part, what are you left with? Inability to engage in social situations, executive dysfunction, sensory and motor skills issues, and so on. You're left with 'weird'. And unless you have something extraordinary to bring to the table (a gift), nobody wants to deal with the weird side of you.

I can't help but feel that I will always be a burden to the world and those around me, because I do not have anything to outweigh the bad stuff that autism brings with it.

I try to be as independent as possible because of this, so that I don't have to bother someone else with my difficulties. But sometimes I do need help, I recognize that, just like other people would need help once in a while. But I won't ask for help. I don't want to be difficult.

Someday, I might think otherwise. But right now, autism is a curse that I'd do anything to get rid of.

Hi,

I don't know if I have ASC, or just many traits, but my daughter definetely does. She is 8.

She has many gifts which may or may not come from autism... she is artistic, has amazing memory, and unique creativity.

She also has many challenges.

Having been on this forum for a few months now this is my thinking. Because people with autism have to overcome so many challenges on a daily basis and have to consciously work with things that most people find intuitive it is very possible to become very good at self understanding and self care. Some of the members on this forum amaze me over and over and it is not because of their special "gifted" abilities it is because of their self understanding and self care. They have had to work really really hard at things that other people never even think about. But there are rewards in this. There are rewards in working on oneself and ones understanding of oneself in the world. I know that for a fact as someone who had a very hard time earlier in life and who now feels much more solid.

I don't have many superficial friends and I don't put myself out there much socially now at this point of my life but I have had some amazing friends in my life. Really deep wonderful loving friendships. I guess I have been lucky to find other people who are "weird" but I never ever thought of it this way.... I thought of them as the most amazing and rare people, few and far between, and I loved them for daring to be different and daring to be themselves. Over time you might also find such people. That makes it easier.

The only aspie I know in real life, also found out about autism as an adult. We were friends long before either of us thought much about autism. He is by far one of the coolest people I have ever known. He has exceptional self awareness and exceptional self control. Not because he was born with it but because he worked at it. People describe me as "strong" and I certainly wasn't born like that. It had been developed, it has had knocks and bad patches but has been achieved through perseverance.

By the way, one of the best authors on executive functioning I have come across is anne vibeke fleischer, she is Danish. Most of her books relate to children rather than adults but she might have published more stuff, I don't read Danish so have only read what was translated to Swedish.

https://dpf.dk/forfatter/anne-vibeke-fleischer

Last edited by elsapelsa on 27 May 2018, 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

No, it's not a gift. That's just something people like Grandin tell themselves as a form of consolation. In reality, the academic achievements of autistic people are usually done in spite of, not because of autism, unless they have highly unusual savant skills.

I don't see how it is a gift.

'Oh here you go a neurological condition that makes it hard for you to interact with the general people.' that is what it seems like to me and that is not a gift. I would like to communicate better and not fear every confrontation....I need to get better with that because there is stuff I believe in but how can I stand up for it if I cannot raise my voice in the face of opposition.

I feel quite the same.

Yeah, like I figured, it's easy to call something a gift when it actually gives you more advantages than difficulties.
I know that autism isn't a disease, but it's hard not to treat it as such.

This probably seems crazy to those who have already posted, but I feel that everything I have received is a gift...for me to use and learn and (hopefully) move forward. I agree it is somewhat false to perk up one's self or others by pretending it is a "gift" in the sense of some unqualified goodness, although any port in the storm....

There is value in my life to seeing each part of my life and happenings as a gift. Like the gambler said, "Every hand's a winner and every hand's a loser." depending on how you play it.

I think I see what you mean.
I find myself overly thankful for most things, even life itself. Just not autism, I'm afraid.

This is a cheap analogy, maybe not helpful, but it came to my mind as I read OPs post.

I have always been a big fan of Good Times. I’ve watched it since it was on originally and I am currently rewatching it on a retro TV station. The other day there was an episode on where JJ was up for a promotion that he didn’t think he would get because he was black. He had a dream that he turned white but was otherwise the same. His friend didn’t like him anymore, because they didn’t “get” each other. A girl he liked stopped liking him because she preferred black guys. He kept eating “white food” against his will (eggs Benedict and croissants instead of oatmeal and doughnuts) and was talking like a English textbook instead of himself. The writers did a great job of carefully making the white actor clearly still JJ in his mannerisms and personality, which was interesting.

But so JJ didn’t like himself as a white person. He was conflicted by the end of the dream. He woke up and told Michael, the genius brother, about the dream. Michael shrugged and said that their dad always used to say that you gotta play the game in the uniform you’re given.

I have spent so much time trying to survive my autism that I have long come to see it as a curse, but now that I am in a steady place in my life, where I have enough money to live, a wife, and a child on the way, I can finally stop and wonder if survival is all that matters.

If you are anything like me you will struggle. You will hate yourself, and you will cry, but know that even if your autism has been a curse to you it has been a gift to me and others around you. Autistic people have lowered their guards for me. They have spared me from judgment when I error. They have let their honesty shine and made my world safe. Most of all they have let me repay all of these favors in kind.

I am sorry that you have been cursed, but after all the things autistic people have done for me, I cannot possibly wish it away. Just know that we'll do everything we can to help, and that I wish the best for you through your struggles.

I love this.

I often bore myself by sounding self-satisfied with my life, but really it is because i never move on until i can understand and process what has happened (be it grief, loss, disappointment) in terms of finding a way to move on with gratitude.

It’s not a gift...but gifts could accompany it.

Many of the stereotypical strengths/gifts associated with AS are things I don't have. I'm horrible at math(s), no hyperlexia, I'm distractable, I forget everything that matters... but on the flip side, I can work around most of the weaknesses. Some people have great gifts, others don't. If you do, you should develop and enjoy them!

Even more so, it's not even a consolation; it's a straight-out curse! Parents of aspie kids often get something called "grade greed". That's when a child gets good grades in early elementary school, and their parents not only take it for granted, but start expecting academic perfection in all grades, in every subject, all the way until high school graduation. Anything less than perfection results in yelling, lost privileges, and punishments. All because the aspie child was "cursed" with getting straight A's in the 1st grade. School becomes nothing more than fodder to appeasing the parents and/or keeping them placated with good grades.

If there's one advice I'd give to my 1st-grade self, or even to all aspies 1st-graders, is DO NOT GET PERFECT GRADES, even the work looks and feels effortless. Make deliberate mistakes once in a while, to give yourself an occasional bad grade, to keep yourself from looking perfect. Because if your parents get the idea that you can get straight A's in 1st grade, they'll start demanding them in all grades, in every subject, all the way until high school graduation. And they'll stop at nothing to get them from you.

You couldn't be anymore right! You're the one who I should have posted that jackpot emoticon to.. I clearly remember my expectations being ridiculous, it was absolute hell! And one wonders why later there are breakdowns and anxiety..you can only build that house of cards so high.