My older brother continues to outshine me

Post Reply New Topic

My older brother is throwing an Oktoberfest at his brewery while I am suffering from loneliness this weekend. For my entire 30 years of existence, I have always been in my older brother's shadow. He always had friends over, more priveleges than I did, and girls threw themselves at him while I was pushed to the wayside. I wanted to prove him wrong that I was a failure and loser for not following the crowd like him but my efforts never succeeded. I am still a hurt and lonely child in my heart because of him.

so u keep tailoring urself to ur brother, and doing something with a thought in mind, what would or would not he do. instead of thinking, what u, as a person, want to do. maybe i am wrong, and forgive me then, but isnt it the key? u are PLACING urself in ur brother's shadow, even as u behave like wanting to be out. u are trying to compete, instead of living ur own life. please forgive me if it stings. it wont be an easy thing to fix, too. u've done this to urself the entire life, after all (and its not autistic exclusive problem, many allistic people have that sort of thing).

i have to admit i cant possibly have an idea what u feel, because i have been the ONLY person in my technical generation of the family for nearly 15 years, and then i'd be more of part of team adult, due to age difference. i havent had a sibling thing. in other hand, that means i'd be excluded from both elder generation (because kid) and kid generation (because way too older). something somewhere between. so fit for an aspergerian in full allistic family, ya. maybe its for the better.

so all i can hope for here, is that this brash post would help u somehow. snap u out of the pattern. i am not offering answer, because i never had to find it. some books would. but u gotta find and read them. i wish u success in this. guardian demon, out.

Honest truth though... would you actually enjoy a big Oktoberfest party. I always like the idea of big parties, bug when I get there I go round and say hello to the people I know, have a little chat with some new people, and them I'm bored and wang to go home.

I think I'm happier now that I don't compare myself to others. My sibling is a hermit, so I don't have this social rivalry, but a friend I was quite close to got married and made new cooler friends and I never see her now. I'm not doing as well as her socially, on paper. I had to unfollow her on Instagram because she'll say, "Oh we should meet up, but I don't have time." But then she makes time for her cool friends. K see them together on instagram. But then I went to one of their parties once and I was boooored. So I'm not missing anything.

But I've made friends with more quirky types and we play board games and listen to old vinyl records.

Go hang out where the quirky people are. I found folks in a bar that plays alternative music.

Is your brother autistic?

No, he's not. He is very much an NT and thinks I am "disabled".

Then you are being very unfair on yourself comparing. You are not your brother , he also sounds a bit of a dick but that's brothers imo

@Marknis

you've opened at least seven threads about your older brother so far on this site, including:

viewtopic.php?t=335880

viewtopic.php?t=360188

viewtopic.php?t=354686

viewtopic.php?t=352307

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=359510&start=30

please consolidate, it is spam otherwise.


kthx

Why don't you ask him if you could come to the Oktoberfest party? That's what I would do.

I can understand how you feel because I envy both my brother and sister. They live lives that seem so much better than mine and they get to do things and have things I never will. My brother now has his own family and he works hard all the time so that he, his girlfriend (who will be his wife soon), and their baby can live in a nice house. My sister who is 100x times more brilliant than I am is going to college to become a Marine Biologist and she has a serious boyfriend who has been with her for years. Also both her and my brother have gotten to travel the world and visit cool places like Nicaragua, Mexico, and the Bahamas.

Me and my other brother are simply the disabled ones who sit around watching TV and playing video games all day while our Mom gets checks from the government to help take care of us.

Too late now but I honestly didn't even want to go. I just feel dejected by how he is constantly making waves while I am always pushed to the wayside.



If it makes you feel better, my older brother hasn't traveled to the places your siblings have gone to. In fact, he's never traveled abroad and I doubt he has any desire to do so. He tends to think any country outside the US "sucks". But yeah, it sucks seeing your siblings accomplish more than you.

Last edited by Marknis on 22 Oct 2018, 11:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

My older brother outshines me. He's a millionaire. He's happily married. he has kids.

I'm broke, in debt, somewhat unhappily married. No kids. Not my wife's fault that we're unhappily married, really.

I've learned, long ago, that I am not my brother----and I'm proud of that!

I am me.

My older brother isn't a millionaire and isn't exactly happily married but he has children and he's constantly getting noticed in the family.

Maybe for the wrong reasons?

For a long time it was that but now he's getting praise for his brewery.

I wish I could've been born Mark "Barney" Greenway instead. He's from England, fronts Napalm Death, and has a Japanese girlfriend. I am from the Bible Belt, I can't even write a simple punk rock song, and I am considered gross by the opposite sex.

What really sucks is listening to my Mom talk about how she supports all her children in fufilling their dreams which is a load of crap. She supports and encourages my brother and sister in everything they want to do but my entire life I was told that I would never be able to do anything I wanted to do because I have Aspergers and Bipolar Disorder. She has told me I would never learn to drive so she never even bothered to teach me, she tells me I absolutely cannot get a job because I get disability checks and would loose them forever, and when I told her that I wish I could one day leave the U.S. and move to another country she told me I could never do that because of my disabilies. She also tells me all the time that I can never live on my own or figure out how to pay bills.

My mother once told my siblings straight out I would never be self-sufficient. She also thinks I need to give up my hobbies despite how they don't harm anyone. My mother and stepfather don't think my cousin's obsession with guns is a problem despite how he has a history of being a bully. He bullied me as well despite being younger than me. This cousin is now a cop and has killed people.