Trauma effecting a person's "age"

Post Reply New Topic

I've heard that trauma can make a person look and sound older than they really are, but can it also do the oppposite and make a person mentally behave younger than they really are?

I think there must be some men and women who behave and talk like a young child after they have experienced horrible things like years of physical and sexual abuse or experiencing a terrifying event where they almost died or somebody they were closed to died.

Any thoughts?

I think so, I think abuse it recognised as being quite common for this isn't it? I'd imagine particularly abuse from mother's to sons

Yeah, I think you could be right...

I have a very controlling mother and maybe that's why people still think I'm a teenager? Maybe it's not really because of my Aspergers?

You're only 28 though aren't you? I think most men in their 20s are quite like teenagers. I definitely think autism makes you appear younger. I still feel and appear like a child.

Someone else said in another thread about a controlling mother, and my partners cousin who is autistic is also pretty controlled by his aunt who raised him. It seems the default response to having a child with autism is to decide they are unable to look after themselves and to be controlling.

Do you think its malicious or well-meaning? Could you talk to her about it?

I feel like I should be thought of as old by now because I'm almost 30 and I'm even starting to form grey in my hair but maybe you are right. I've heard that females mature at a faster rate than males do. Maybe that's why most women I know seem to have it more together than men? It's like they already figure out life long before guys do.

I don't think my mom has really meant it in a malicous way I think she's just very overprotective of me and she's had a very tough life herself because she herself was abused. I've heard horror stories about things she has been through.

I've tried talking to her about the way I feel that she's too controlling of me several times but she refuses to listen to me and insists that I don't know what I'm talking about. She's not an easy person to talk to in fact she feels the need to dominate every conversation and will say anything to force people to see things her way.

I absolutely agree that women mature faster than men. I think, again, that comes down to mother's a bit, I think mother's like to care for their sons but teach their daughters. Like there's more focus on teaching daughters how to cook and clean and be safe while out. I think there's a lot of leeway given to young men and we don't expect as much from them, but it hinders them in the long run.

Totally understand what you mean with your mum, do you live with her? Its hard to fight back when it's not malicious, but to grow as a person you need to be given room to grow.

I'm sure you'll figure your life out, you seem like a bright spark

I guess it's kind of the same way with fathers. Fathers like to be overprotective of their daughters but teach their sons.

Unfortunetly I never had a father. Just a string of husbands who my Mom keeps marrying or getting back together with and I hate all of them (especially the latest one). My real father left shortly after I was born and never had anything to do with me.

And to be my honest my Mom was not always the nicest to me. She has done some very cruel things to me in the past and she denies it ever happening. I think she's changed a lot recently but I still can't let go of the things she has done to me before like talking about wanting to kill herself just to manipulate me into feeling bad for her.

And yeah I do live with her and she's my payee in charge of handeling my disability benefits. I don't think I'll ever really be free of her until the day she passes away, in which case I will have no choice but to live my own life and figure things out on my own.

I wouldn't know about dad's. Mine is a bully and misogynist, he was never really a father to me. Now I barely see him, would much rather he not have been around at all.

That is really harsh of your mother, not healthy at all, it's no excuse but from what you've said she does seem to have serious mental health problems. My mum was not nearly as bad as that but she's had depression her whole adult life it was hard growing up, she struggled and passed that on to us. I hope you can move towards letting go, if not for her then for yourself.

Do you have any hobbies or anything that get you out of the house and in the "real world"?

I feel about 12 years old most of the time.
It’s part and parcel of Aspergers, trauma just adds another layer to the whole cream pie.

My girlfriend's on the spectrum as well as me & when she gets really stressed out by life going wrong, she'll speak gibberish & shut down. She needs to be told to turn off the xBox, to shower, to eat, & to use the bathroom sometimes. She also sometimes kinda picks arguments with me & tries to rebel against whatever I'm trying to get her to do. If stress can affect someone so much like that; it makes sense to me that someone on who experiences trauma can act more like a child in some ways or at least when they're under a lot of stress or something from the experience. It's probably worse for Aspies thou.

What you just described sounds exactly like my younger brother who also has Aspergers He would go for days not eating or showering if nobody reminded him to do it and he's always playing his video game.

I actually think his condition is much worse than mine.

I never had trauma in my life but my parents are very strict so that's probably why. They once told me that the only reason I am alive is because they keep me away from bad things and bad decisions.

My boyfriend on the other hand who actually has been through trauma my parents see as a threat because he was hospitalized at one point in his childhood for an extended period of time. They feel that he's a manic, that he's gonna beat me, and that he's not mentally stable. I don't know how much more mature then me he is but we gotta be on the same lvl somewhere or else he wouldn't even spit on me.

Most people who are without an issue and live relatively normal don't even bother with me so I don't know.

I've had some trauma.
My boyfriend told me I act more like a 7 year old at times. And, most of the time my mental age seems that of a 17 year old. It's okay though. I'm working on being independent. I'm doing it with people who are willing to help me.

I've had a few traumatic things happen to me over the years.

When I was about 10 years old I was molested by a cousin of mine who was about the same age as me. When I tried telling people including my mom about it years later nobody believed me and another cousin even teased me about it

When I was about 12 my mom and her second husband got divorced and we ended up loosing our home because my mom couldn't afford to make payments on it. My brothers and sister went to live with their dad and me and my mom went around staying with relatives and friends of hers and we even stayed in a really bad neighborhood for awhile until she eventually bought her own trailer when I was 14 that is now paid for.

My Mom has always been in really bad relationships my entire life and her fourth husband turned out to be a crackhead who had been lying to us for years (and yet she still keeps going back to him ). He has stolen from us, cheated on her a few times, and they would even get physically violent with each other right in front of me and he has hit her and he has threaten to kill her.

But I think the worse thing I experienced was when my best friend passed away in 2012. He had Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and got really sick and died in the hospital around this same time of year. That hurt me more than anything else because I lost my only real friend and I felt so sad and alone. I esoecially felt guilty because he wanted to me to meet him and his family but I never got the chance to and I never even got the chance to go to his funeral.

Sometimes even a falling out or losing a friend can be traumatizing in its own right. I had a situation back in middle school where the only friend I really had just moved away without a word and I didn't find out until 3 months later. She never told me anything or hinted that she was moving, we just talked like it was a regular day. When I hadn't heard from her, everyone kept asking me what happened because they knew we were best friends practically and I even thought she died at a point because I hadn't heard anything in what seemed like forever.

I think loosing him is what really pushed me over the edge and caused by Bipolar symptoms to come out. I got pretty crazy after he passed away.

I don't even want to imagine what will happen to me when my mom passes away or if something happened to one of my brothers or my sister.

Somebody actually threw a brick at my sister's car and smashed her windshield causing her to wreck not too long ago. I'm so glad she wasn't hurt and if something really bad happened to her from that I would have completely lost it again.