[Trigger warning] My autism violates rules probably.

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I am diagnosed with a "rare form of autism". My psychotherapist told me about "some Japanese study that found only 400 people like this in the country". If anyone has a link to this I would love to read.

But thing is, I am a psychopath. This is how my ASD manifests itself.

As I am typing in this forum, I am already preparing myself for possible bans and violations of rules, because this is how 17 years of my life used to be. I do not register empathy, remorse, guilt, when others are hurt, and a lot of neurotypical emotions. I developed stuttering because I was beaten for my lack of social comprehension. I have to guess every day what is considered socially acceptable and what is not. And I am tired of this.

There isn't a place where I can be myself without violating some rules. Whenever I do not stutter, I say things that aren't considered acceptable, but they are true. For example, how neurotypicals give victims an immense amount of attention, which is why I learned to manipulate others with pity. Usually this involves a reference to a school shooting, or sexual assault support services.

Also I am from ukraine, which means I have to explain to every mental health service how heavily stigmatized mental health is in my country. My childhood was already surrounded by abusive neurotypicals from whom I did not learn. So now I have to faux-learn.

Every teenager or young adult is either stuck up with university, or has a s**t load of people who love them more than me. Because I am gifted intellectually, I have to explain everything that I think. I objectively think that I am a waste of flesh, and don't try to change my mind.

Every single "friend" I have had always explained to me how I need to normalize myself so that either classmates, or people at the camp where we met, won't think I am weird. Even when it comes to music, art, and interests. "Nobody likes what you draw", "nobody likes your space", "nobody ..." ...how about you maybe be friends with me or shut the fuuf up instead?

There is a lot of shst that I have got to write but for now on this is vent.

There is a difference between mental health, and "mental health uwu" that everyone advocates for.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome Aboard!

Hello.

I don't wish to be totally psychopathic but, god, social anxiety+asd is hell on earth. There's not caring and there's caring too much. Of course society is going to lambast people who don't care at all, but caring too much get's you walked all over and leads to much disappointment.

I doubt if psychopathy is the right word.
You seem just fed up with the society. And here it can be understood. Many of us are.
You are an Ukrainian girl, I live close enough to this culture to see the enormous pressure to be nice, kind, beautiful, obedient and sweet-girly when you are an Ukrainian girl. And, well, often to endure abuse with a smile on your face.
And you are simply nothing of the above.

Welcome here As I saw, people don't get banned here without very clear warnings. I hope we can make a place you feel safe in.

I don't see what the "trigger warning" was for, but welcome

MENTAL HEALTH UwU


(*´ω`*)

(^_−)−☆

／(^o^)＼



sorry

thanks for the heads up and explanation, and, welcome to WP. you may find yourself in good company here.

Well, you're a very considerate psychopath, given that you've provided a trigger warning.

We have plenty of members with a similar background to the one you describe, and I hope you'll find the forum helpful. I don't usually recommend books to people online, but you remind me of the younger protagonist in The Elegance of the Hedgehog. It's a little dense, and I'm not sure about the translations that are available apart from English and French, but your grasp of the language seems pretty strong. You might like it. The themes are quite relevant to the autistic experience.

That was the original poster's first last and only post in their three week tenure on WP.

Don't know what happened to the person. But they haven't returned.

I replied back. The reason why I often don't go to forums is because as a kid I used to stim by leaving random messages on forums and never visiting. And this intersected with actual writing.

Wow, how positive replies are.

And it is true that there is an expectation to be nice.

Forgive my ignorance what is "mental health uwu?"

Hi

Does your psychotherapist have a citation to this study?

Am I supposed to understand this, because I don't...

The eyes are a U shape, and the mouth is a W shape.

See also Kiprobalhato's post above.

The outer portion of the brain is sometimes referred to as the emotional brain. But it is also the analytical brain. A common form of disassociation is daydreaming. You body is in one location but your mind is somewhere else. But there is a more evolved form of disassociation. A person has the ability to turn off their emotional side of their brain and rather rely totally on their analytical side. Generally this is the result of severe trauma. Rather than experience a severe meltdown, panic attack, "tonic immobility", one just disassociates the brain component that processes fear, hate, love, revenge, emotion and shuts that portion down and then figures out how to deal with the current threat from a logical perspective. So perhaps that is what you are experiencing.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. Interesting post.