Sharing a bedroom with your partner...?

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I've never really liked sharing a bedroom with a partner. But when I dated people in the past and brought this up, they weren't open to the idea at all.

If you're in a long-term relationship or married, do you share a bedroom with your partner, or do you have separate rooms? If so, how do you handle that logistically when you want to spend time together?

I've been going to a therapist that sees adults on the spectrum and I'm making an effort to use the strategies and be more assertive about my needs instead of deferring to my partner's preferences because theirs were more conventional. I am talking about it with my husband and he is not taking it well.

I like sharing a room and a bed. My wife is my sleep buddy. It is an unspoken rule that the room is invisibly divided in half as is the bed. My half, my side; her half, her side. We both want it that way. I don't want to be touching when sleeping.

What would you do if your wife wanted her own room? From what I've gathered you're in a healthy marriage so any insight would be appreciated!

I can't share a bed with anyone. Even as a child, if I had to share with my mother in a hotel or on vacation, I'd end up having meltdowns or hitting her in my sleep. It's part of my sleep disorder (acting out dreams), but primarily because I can't sleep without absolutely ideal sensory conditions.

My mother's parents never shared a bedroom, and they had a long and happy marriage with many children and (from what I've heard), quite an amorous love. They just needed their own space.

I don't see anything wrong with this especially if it's related to your autism, which you can't control.

MP:


I'd want to know why after all these years she'd want to change. If she was set on doing it, then I'd take the opportunity to make my own bedroom EXACTLY the way I'd want it. My perfect bedroom my way in every way. Get out the checkbook...

I'm the opposite I cannot sleep unless my partner is in bed with me.

I used to lie and say it's because I need to know he's safe and I can only be sure if we are in the same room and bed.

The main reason is that to sleep now I actually need s snuggle I need to be held so I feel safe and loved enough to settle down and sleep.

If I'm not tired I'll roll on my back to signal for sex but he knows after sex I need a snuggle all the more.

In a way I'm quite clingy as when he offered to make one of our spare rooms my own office and drawing room even with a sofa bed I refused cause I feel isolated at the idea of not been in the same room with him.

I prefer sharing a bedroom. But I never got to do either with a partner, because my first one cheated on me, and my second one (who was very religious) refused to do anything outside of marriage or wasn't procreational.

I have found the best is a hybrid: I normally sleep with the Mrs. but if I am restless or it is really hot (like last week here... ugh) I will go out into the guest room. I have also encouraged her to do the same so the baby won't disturb her. I definitely need my space though and it got much easier when we upgraded from a Queen to a King mattress.

Do you think a compromise could work? Like sharing the bed only every other night? Or could getting a bigger bed help you to have your own space? Your husband probably wouldn't be against trying that.

He thought about it after I brought it up and came back to talk to me before I went to sleep. He was not thrilled about it but said that I've made a lot of compromises for him when I didn't really want to, and he thinks in the scheme of things this isn't too big of a deal. He decided that he is going to make a space for himself in the basement (he likes it there) and I can have our room. I'm sure sometimes one of us will want to sleep in the same bed for various reasons though (for example, I'm scared of thunder!).

I'm wrestling with feeling guilty though and telling him I changed my mind... I'm still having trouble with thinking my feelings are valid.

Relationships are... challenging.

One of my biggest reasons for wanting a relationship when I was single was cuz I HATED sleeping alone & have sleep disorders that acted up more when I was single. However we have a two bedroom apartment & my computer & most of my stuff is in the other bedroom. There's also a bed in there but it's only been used by guests. Me & my girlfriend share the bed in her room but most everything in the room is for her. I pretty much only spend time in her bedroom when I'm sleeping or when she's doing something in there & I'm spending time with her. We don't always have the same sleep schedule so we sometimes sleep by ourselves or sleep by ourselves for part of the time like before the other goes to bed or after they get up.

My random opinion;

I think we all love our alone time but the NT's urge for solitude is overridden by their stronger urge to socialize even while sleeping.

What I want to know is : why is sleeping in the same bed an unpsoken sign of a good relationship?

Couples slept in separate beds on the old TV shows & some of those couples had good relationships thou very traditional 1s. My grandparents slept in separate bedrooms 1ce their kids had moved out. I'm guessing the trend of sleeping together is a younger generation thing.

No need to feel guilty; most people will probably need something their partner isn't all that happy about at some point. Compromises are an important part of relationships and this time it was his turn to make one. Everyone needs a good night's sleep after all, so it's natural that he gave in now if you find it hard to sleep when in a same space with someone else.

This is how I see it thou I do think there could potentially be a problem if he's someone who hates sleeping alone like me. Then there's an incompatibility where someone gives in & the other starts resenting. However if he slept alone OK when he was single & he understands how problematic sleeping with someone can be for you martianprincess, he should be willing to try & find a way to compromise.

That's a valid concern. He slept alone before he met me but I don't know how well. He travels for work periodically and he tells me he can't sleep because I'm not there. But I hope he would tell me if he had significant reservations about not sleeping together every night. I don't want a marriage with someone who doesn't openly communicate with me and I don't think he does either. I am not great at communicating but I've been working on it for the past few years and I'm improved. He has too.