Childhood Experiences

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So, I don't know exactly how many trans folks we have here on the site, but I'm kind of curious about the childhood experiences those folks had in terms of gender.

I know the typical childhood experience of trans folks (and I'm not sure how many of them are autistic or if things might be different when one is autistic) is usually feelings at an early age of either being or wanting to be the opposite (or a different) gender, wearing clothes intended for the opposite gender frequently while growing up, etc.

But my story is different. I don't really remember ever having any feelings as a young child that I was or wanted to be a girl, or even that I wasn't a boy. But to be fair, I also don't remember feeling any special identification with or thrill about being a boy. And, even if I do remember wanting to wear female clothing, I'd be pretty hard-pressed to find some in my house since I didn't have any sisters at the time and my mom tended to dress pretty masculine-like (jeans and T-shirts).

However, that doesn't mean that I don't think there were any signs in childhood that I was something other than fully male. This first one I'm not too sure about, since I was pretty young at the time, and it's possible I just didn't know the difference between male and female clothes, but I have been told that when I was three, I went to the girls' section of a store and insisted I wanted one of the shirts there. I've also been told that I used to look at jewelry and sort of gush over how pretty it was.

Some other things that I remember at older childhood ages:

- Though I didn't have a lot of friends growing up, when I did play with other children, I usually preferred to play with girls. I related more to their games and style of play than that of boys.

- I tended to strongly identify with female characters on TV, in movies, and in books. I read a lot of books that would probably be considered targeted to girls (though to be fair, I also loved the Goosebumps books )

- I had and enjoyed playing with some girls' toys. There were also other things I really wanted, like an easy-bake oven. I also thought that Lisa Frank stuff was the most beautiful thing ever invented on Earth.

It wasn't until I was a (young) adult that I first considered the possibility that I might be trans. And it's been a long journey since then to figure things out! While there was a time when I thought I might be female, now I'm pretty comfortable with identifying as non-binary (though when I'm taking estrogen, the desires to be female can sometimes be pretty intense!).

When I came out as trans to my grandmother, she told me that she knew all along and that the signs had been there from my childhood. She was also the one who told me about the shirt and jewelry.

I can't remember if it was an article or study, but I read something once many years ago online about how when it comes to autistic trans folks, they might not realize in childhood that gender dysphoria is what they are experiencing because of their autism. But no matter how many different combinations of words I put into Google, I have never been able to find that article/study since. I would give absolutely almost anything to find that again, and if someone knows where I can, I would be eternally grateful to that person!

I wonder if, in my case, that may have been true. Maybe my autism did prevent me from realizing that gender dysphoria is what I was experiencing. Maybe that's why, while I had those cross-gender feelings that I did, I wasn't able to come to the realization that gender was the issue.

I wonder, if there are any autistic trans folks here (and by trans, I mean anywhere under the trans umbrella, including non-binary), what were your childhood experiences like? Do you identify with the typical trans childhood experience, or is there anyone who, like me, didn't figure this thing out until they were older?

I'm female-to-male transgender. My experiences as a child I guess fit the whole "I've known since I was a child" thing, but I've always wondered whether me being trans has been affected by being autistic at all. There's definitely some situations where I don't entirely experience what neurotypical trans people commonly describe, like with certain aspects of physical dysphoria. I've never had significant discomfort from any of my body parts or secondary sex characteristics, and while I would prefer not to have breasts I don't innately mind their existence. While I would love to go on testosterone, I don't desire surgery of any kind and am not upset by the idea of having children, which I still probably wont do for social and health reasons though.

Specific childhood experiences I had:

- I remember consistently arguing with my parents as a toddler that I was, in fact, a boy, and constantly imagining what it would have been like to be born a boy.

- I've always preferred what people view as "masculine" activities and clothing, and while "feminine" ones don't cause me discomfort I've just never been massively drawn to them.

- Most of the kids I hung out with or tried to interact with were boys.

- When I played with other children I preferred to do things male children apparently prefer to do, such as running and wrestling, instead of playing pretend and other more social activities that I guess female children prefer.

- I was described as a "tomboy" by pretty much everyone throughout my entire childhood, and when I came out my mother later said that she wasn't surprised and that she had expected it.

- I also strongly identified with male characters in games and shows, especially Link from The Legend of Zelda (unsurprisingly lmao).

- When I was around nine/ten I actually learned what transgender people were, and after thinking about it for awhile I started to realize that I fit those experiences. (I then actually decided to stifle myself from doing masculine things as much and thinking about until I was a bit older, since my parents reacted badly to things about trans people, which my father still does and just insists I'm a lesbian 24/7.)

I am still not entirely comfortable with calling myself trans, but I dislike calling myself cis more as an Enby person. I watched an interesting video by someone called Curio yesterday who came out openly as Non-binary and hit me with their talk of time in terms of a trans person realising things in the past as they work through it, also that they mentioned experiencing a thought to not be open about it from wanting to be sure but actually a fear of accepting oneself.

Still think that I am a bit of an egg, not really asked people like my parents if I had any such traits.

- I remember sitting in my classroom as a young child, sitting at a desk and wonder why I, as a boy, could not wear a skirt but girls could wear both. It did not make a lot of sense to me.

- I saw some baby pictures of myself when I was a kid, it had me in a dress that apparently is supposed to be non gendered for babies regardless, I understood that I should feel a bit of embarrassment for this, but I felt nothing.

- I remember feeling jealous of my little sister having cute shoulder length hair, while my mum always forced me to get super short haircuts that I hated.

A lot that I realise is that I was terrified of being in the girl clothing section or toilets, I think afraid that I would wonder into them without thinking.

- I remember playing Super Mario Bros 2, and the character I always wanted to play as was Peach, perhaps I could tell myself that it was just her fly ability. I think that I remember reading the game booklet, and feeling something from its mention of Birdo.

- I remember playing Pokémon Crystal as the first Pokémon that allowed you to play a girl, so I chose her and nothing felt wrong about that.

- I also think it was Ocarina of Time that had the whole Sheik and Zelda, and even reading a gossip stone that said she was a Tomboy, and I liked something about that duality of masculine and feminine.

I'm no trans, but more like apathetically agender...
Yet if one tries to measure things, I easily be mistaken for trans male... Except I never imagined myself -- I never literally had to.
I don't mind being perceived as CIS female simply because it's all I've known.
But what I do not like is expecting to act like, feel and think one.

Those who are close to me knew and figured this.

While the majority of my childhood friends are girls, I can't seem to relate. I don't see myself as tomboyish either.
I can't seem relate to boys even more, despite having the same habits, inclinations and expressions of interests...

-It matters not to me if it's a skirt or shorts -- all I care is that I don't like being exposed.
-I don't care if it's play house or cops and robbers -- I just want to have fun and make sense of things.
-I don't care how my hair is done -- I just want comfortable, something to amuse me and not done in any crappy way.
-I don't care if it's dress up or firecrackers -- I simply want to entertain.
-I don't care if it's make up or mudfights -- if I'm in a mood to make a mess, I will.
-I don't care if it's school romance gossips or school sports -- I don't like it.
-I don't care which will lead the dance -- I want the rhythm and I don't like attention.
-I don't care if I have to wear a gown or a suit -- I'll just sleep on some corner.

It's still the same in adulthood.
The majority of my contacts and influences are women. Their side of cultures and way of living while foreign and I couldn't relate to it it's all I've known.

I relate to men even less. Even if I have the same desires, inclinations, habits... I don't see myself as one of them.
And my experience living with males are almost near nonexistent. Whether or not with the similarities, I've never known to be relate with any.
Nor bothered to try because it's obscure and the whole idea is even more foreign to me.


Not once I ever covet male or female.
It's more like... It never had been a priority like at all, even if I understand the constructed boundaries of either labels, I never cared.
The thought about my inner core being 'male or female' literally just past through me.

All I do know, within my core, is that I'm not limited to either.


I'm in the right body, in the right culture in such regard, in the right brain and all those right feelings.

It's literally all I've known since as a child and I never longed for anything else.

The gender labels, culture's traditions, the presentations, my biological sex -- I just never truly cared.
The only thing I'd mind is how annoying bodies can be, how presumptions humans are, and how vulnerable or strong I only can be with this body.

My body is just it is -- so is my mind, so are my emotions...
So are the things I would take advantage of as a 'CIS female' at this very reality and everything against that image.

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I identify as non-binary asexual. I acknowledge I have female body parts and think of myself, but don't think of myself as either male or female. I prefer non-binary clothing. The idea of putting on a skirt makes me cringe. I once went to a job interview and told the interviewers that this was the only time they'd ever see me in a skirt and if that was a problem, they shouldn't hire me. Oddly enough, I got the job. It's been years since I've owned a skirt or any clothing that counts as feminine, unless leggings counts. I mostly wear sleep pants or sweatpants.

As a child, my mom stuffed me into girl clothes (hated it!) and bought me girl toys. I never really knew how to play with dolls. I preferred art supplies and board games. I loved camping and fishing. I liked watching ants and bugs. I had an imaginary dog. I was never athletic and always detested group sports of an type. I was drawn more toward male characters in tv programs, but they were males in isolation: the Professor in Gilligan's Island. Grizzly Adams, the Incredible Hulk.

I played with five neighbor kids in my early childhood years. It was a mix of twin boys exactly my age (born one day away from me) and three girls. I preferred the two boys and one of the girls over the other two girls. After fourth grade, I didn't have friends until college when I was very bonded to another woman. By then, I feared and avoided men. I was bullied by them in high school. I don't fear them anymore, but I don't associate with them either. The men I have known as friends in adulthood have been gay.

I didn't know what trans or non-binary were. I had female body parts, therefore, I was female. I didn't realize I was different. I just thought everyone else secretly thought just like me, but they were too afraid to go against the flow and express their true opinions. I remember saying I'd start wearing makeup when the boys wore it, too, and I thought it was awful that I couldn't go topless on hot days when they could.

If anything... I don't have to wish there's an opposite gender of me to switch lives with.

I feel like there IS already at least two of me inside one body and mind, and in every fiber of my being.
They fight for dominance, they clash ideals like a couple in a spat because both prideful.

I'd rather wish there's two of me separated, leading completely different lives.

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Thanks so much for sharing your experiences!

It does seem that, for folks who identify as trans men or trans women, it is pretty much a universal experience to explicitly feel during childhood that you are or want to be the opposite biological gender. And my not remembering explicitly having that feeling when I was growing up is a huge part of why I eventually reasoned that I cannot be fully female but am instead probably non-binary.

To be honest, I've also sometimes wondered if I might just be a man who likes the effects of/does better on estrogen, but I've never heard of such a thing, and you think I would have at least some identification with masculinity/the male gender role.

So, non-binary.

From what I've read here, it seems like maybe things can be different for non-binary folks in terms of childhood experiences. I think that, just like Deanne, I always thought of myself as being male because of my male parts and because of my lack of understanding of what it meant to be trans (or that there was even such a thing).

I consider myself androgenous or non-binary even tho I was amab based strictly on body parts.

Unfortunately, I don't remember anything before age 5 (one of my bigger developmental difficulties) but I to remember about then seeing a neighbor girl at a birthday party in the prettiest black and red plaid dress. I went home and when I could get my mother alone, asked her to buy me a dress like hers. Silly me. Her mouth dropped open and when she could speak, she said, "Oh, I going to tell your daddy and he's going to have a talk with you!" Well, she did and he did, scolding me severely. His scolding me didn't change how I felt about myself but did tell me to put it on hold 30-40 years until I was able to venture into gender expression without parental repercussions.

I had no sisters, was the youngest of three boys, but would sneak and put on some of my mother's things, lingerie mostly, when I had the chance.

As for toys, I mostly liked ones that were either gender neutral or feminine. Like building sets and toy airplanes. I remember getting a cap pistol and holster set as a christmas or birthday gift and never touching it. But I also got a majorette's baton and loved that.

There were no girls my age in my neighborhood, only about four boys. I played with them some but preferred playing on my own. They were into pretend play a lot and I wasn't, which I now know why.