Can you control NOT falling in love with someone?

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Hey guys,

Please weigh in on my situation and offer your advice, I would deeply appreciate it.

In May I started seeing this guy B. I felt a strong attraction. B is emotionally intelligent (unlike me), funny, treats me well and sex was AMAZING. We started hanging out all the time and about a month in, he broke things off with me out of the blue and was being ambiguous about his reasoning. I was devastated.

I went no contact and put myself back together. About another month went by, he came back and said he wanted to hook up with me. I rejected him, and then he told me the reason why he broke things off with me was that he was trying to find someone Jewish to get married to. I am not Jewish. But I started sleeping with him again after his confession, because I appreciated him being honest and thought the ethnicity issue won't be serious until we actually get into a relationship and think about marriage. On the back of my head, I was thinking that, once the initial infatuation wears off, it would be easy for me to walk away and I didn't really think we would make it long term anyways (we have v different values, personalities, friend groups and interests). I thought we were just going to burn out quickly.

It's been two months since we hooked up again. Things have turned romantic, we hung out with friends and took a short trip together. The infatuation chemical withdrawal indeed happened, but I realized that excitement was replaced by a warm, familiar feeling when I see him. I feel like I know where this is going - I might fall in love with this guy if things drag on. I didn't mind we are so different, the feeling is real and somewhat irresistible. I tried smoking weed, hanging out with friends and focusing on my own life issues, but when I get a second, the feeling comes right back.

The problem is, I just took two years off from dating because I wanted to reflect on myself and get into a stable long term relationship. The Jew/None Jew issue is going to prevent us from dating although we like each other. I have been hurt deeply by a couple of men before and I don't want to go down that road again, it would further traumatize me and make dating even harder. It is my primary goal to be in a healthy long term relationship, and I will sacrifice whatever I need to.

At this point, I am thinking about confessing these feelings and telling him that it will be strictly sex from now on (no talking about our personal lives and hanging out with friends). I don't feel strong enough to just break things off completely.

***I can't really speak for his commitment to finding a Jewish girl, since I was not raised in this context. He said he won't be able to fight the pressure from his family, and somewhere in me I feel like that is partially an excuse - it is a traditional value that he deeply believes in but is too shy to admit (he appears v progressive, liberal etc). He mentioned a couple times that it might take several years for his parents to accept, and when I said I wanted to potentially move to Germany, he said he is curious about Berlin. But I suspect he is just people pleasing and sending mixed signals without an intention to commit.

My questions are:
How should I have this conversation with him? Is there another creative solution to this situation? What would you do in this situation?

Thank you for your time and answer.

Well, as long you find the sex with him AMAZING then you will fall in love with him.

That's how you're programmed.

If you both would want a committed long-term relationship, would conversion to Judaism be an option?

There are black, Ethiopian Jews.

And don’t forget: Sammy Davis Jr. converted to Judaism.

And Epstein, a character in a show called “Welcome Back Kotter,” was a Puerto Rican Jew.

I’m glad the sex is good for you. But I do hope “more” results.

I’m a Jewish (non-religious) man who is married to a black woman.

You can be socially conditioned so as not to believe ASD allows you to engage with people this way.

To put it bluntly, I wish...

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I can't imagine that your religion is the real issue regarding his family. I would guess it's your race that he is afraid his family or others won't accept. Changing your religion won't make any difference. I'm quite sure that he uses his religion as an excuse only.

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I am as I am. Life has to be an adventure!

@OP.

You want a long term relationship.
He won't commit. (4 years, maybe? lol)

It is rather simple.
Have fun sexually, and keep on looking.
I.E. Have an "open relationship", and look for a potential long term partner.

If need be, "test drive" the second one and keep the first,
Or,
When you find someone, turn the FBuddy relationship to a platonic friendship, if he is OK with that.

Whatever the case, I think you need to emotionally ween yourself off the guy who won't commit.
Just keep it a "scratch the itch" relationship, seriously.

Damn!
Talk about being in a great position.

Just tell him what you told us. It's better to be direct than not.

@OP

I had a female friend who (for separate reasons) friendzoned me. But we used to hang out when I was in my 20s.

One day she fell head over heels for an Egyptian dude who was tall and with tight curly hair and model good looks. She asked me what I thought

I told her to be careful because of religion. She insisted nothing to worry about since he was christian so it wasn't an issue.

Well of course given her enthusiasm they had "amazing sex" and of course she told me everything. This went on for a a couple of years and she was talking about marriage. She got engaged and I shrugged my shoulders and congratulated her.

Then out of the blue he vanished. She called his home and his mother told her he went back to Egypt to get married. She was distraught! How could "Mr wonderful" have done this....she was so special to him....or so he told her.

His mother was rather brutal - she was not to contact him anymore - he changed his phone number and what my friend didn't realise is that he wasn't just christian, he was coptic christian. The Copts (like orthodox Jews) only marry their own sect. While he was happy to enjoy having sex with different women here in Australia when the time came he was a dutiful son and went back home to fetch a good coptic wife. He simply ghosted this poor girl.

In your case, I feel it’s the first one. You care about the previous guy too much.