Experience with SSRI’s/ going on and off medication

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I don’t feel like making too grand an introduction but let it be known that this seems like a great community to me and I’m reaching out because it just feels right at this point I guess.

I’ve been struggling with pretty severe and depression and anxiety for while. I was diagnosed with depression around 15 or 16 but didn’t find out about autism until later on in college around age 23. I went on SSRI’s a couple times in my teens but avoided medication until things went overboard for me in these days of quarantine. I’ve had suicidal thoughts throughout my life but it got a little too real lately and I went back on Lexapro. Honestly, it helped me cope with things but I’ve been dealing with a lot of side effects. Apologies if this is TMI but lots of gastrointestinal distress (even for a celiac) resulting in hemorrhoids.

This week, I screwed up and didn't get my prescription. My physical symptoms are gone but I’m really starting to lose it again. Does anyone have similar experiences? Have other antidepressants like tricyclics had less diarrhetic effects in anyones experience? I can’t find a psychologist who understands autism or an autism specialist that can help me with my depression.

It's really late in CA...I am not on the spectrum...However, I am happily married to one...And i do have personal experience taking an SSRI (Zoloft)...In the year 2003 i developed panic attacks which led to the prescription of the above-mentioned medicine in a minimal dosis, to be specific 1/2 of 25 mg...It helped with the anxiety and the panic attacks...Partly, because it numbed my senses...I mean, i felt like i had no emotions...Not sadness, no anger; but no joy or happiness neither...I could not even force myself to cry...In fact, this so-called 'benign' antidepressant caused an avalanche of many adverse side effects...There were times that i would have to pull to the side on the road all of a sudden while driving...Because, without warning, i would vomit aggressively, vomit at a speed of 90 miles per hour...No exaggeration!! !...It prevented me from sleeping and my bladder would be hyper...It kept me moving, going up and down, without purpose...In this sad period of my life, i maxed my credit cards, going on shopping sprees...After stopping it after appx 5 years, my thyroid gland bombarded my body with so much hormone that it almost killed me...I don't believe this was a mere coincidence...Looking back, i realize said medicine was the wrong medicine for me...Sadly, i did not go to medical school; so i had to rely on those who are supposed to know, my doctors...Anyhow, to date, i continue to struggle with my anxiety...But again, I am capable of FEELING every human emotion...Happiness or sadness and everything in between...This, in turn, makes me feel more human, more like ME...How i wish that i could help you...But again, i did not go to medical school...I hope that you can work with your doctors to try a different kind of antidepressant...The sooner, the better...Good health to you

I take Doxepin, a TCA and it's really constipating, but that is much easier to deal with than diarrhea, simply take some OTC Miralax, as little or as much as you need each day, and you are set. It causes dry mouth and dry skin, and in higher doses, it causes rapid heart rate. In terms of helping with depression, no antidepressant works for my depression or anxiety longer than a few months but the secondary attributes of antidepressants I still find beneficial like in the case of Doxepin its useful for treating chronic hives. It did help my depression for the first few months though. I've been on 15 different anti-depressants since like 2005 of various kinds except MAOIs. I've found taking Vitamin D3 4000IU every day helps more for depression than any medication does. I haven't been depressed for like 10 months or so, but I've gone through many years of depression, sometimes severe and chronically suicidal.

Usually, gastro side effects from meds like diarrhea or whatnot go away within a few weeks of starting a medication. If not, switch to something else.

I had no GI problems on Lexapro at all. It made my brain 'buzz', made me think very fast in a more autistic way, made me lose impulses and made me lash out at people. I had more energy, but could not hold myself back from acting more weird. I ended up having verbal outbursts and weird behaviors at work from taking my usual autistic train of thought and putting into a higher gear and blurting and acting it all out. I started telling people off in an angry way and it was perceived by people as rude and bizzarre. I ended up losing one or two jobs and my family resents me because I started screaming and swearing at them. That was even after I stopped taking Lexapro. The effect continued after I stopped. I also would take it at different times and skip or double up doses! So it wasn't taken as prescribed a steady dose, but a fluctuating dose because I would forget a dose, sleep through it, etc. It was a mistake to go on an SSRI for me. A queer psychiatrist recommended it in what I think was imprudent and careless manner. Also, my sex drive permanently decreased even after I stopped taking it. It is as if my sex drive become more dull, my emotions become less depressed but my autism thought patterns and behaviors became worse. My sister takes Lexapro and she is mostly functional and not that depressed. Have you tried Wellbutrin? It made me more focused and open to socializing 1:1 with people. Maybe I should have stayed on it past the initial two weeks I tried it. It made me not want to sleep, so I stopped taking it. I hated trying antidepressant medications, because the first few weeks made my brain 'buzz' and it was hard to endure on a daily basis and drove me crazy.

If you can hire a personal trainer to meet 1-2 times a week to force you to exercise, and a massage therapist - those can help a lot too with the depression and anxiety.