Psychosis and depression

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Is it normal that I can function very well and do well in school while I am psychotic at the same time? I have a little bit of reality, but I am delusional in other areas and feel very depressed in the inside.


My symptoms:

* Feeling worthless
* Suicidal Ideations
* Thoughts of homicidal revenge
* Sometimes have fixed false believes that everything is my fault
* Sometimes looking myself at a mirror and punching the mirror to release depressive thoughts
* Paranoid ideas about myself
* Hidden anger issues that are very serious
* Other dangerous delusions about myself that are not true

Source to my dangerous delusion:

https://www.quora.com/Have-you-any-ment ... Oren-Franz

I've managed to remain largely functional while suffering a psychotic episode.

I sometimes hear voices inside my head telling me to commit suicide or hurt my former bullies.

It's scary! I know that these voices are not real, but they sometimes feel so real.

It scares the living out of me!

It is confusing, because I am aware that I am delusional, because of one scary hallucination that I had.

I once had an hallucination that I killed another child when I was four, even though I am innocent.

I still believe my hallucination, it felt so real!

It torments me and it traumatizes me!

I can understand. Even if you can eventually filter these memories out as false it's hard to be certain because they feel just as sincere so the feelings they trigger are genuine and overwhelming.

I don't remember my life well because I've drowned it out. I'm not sure I'd advise you to imitate that coping strategy.

Thank you! I understood.

I was about to talk to the police. I feel paranoid!

Here is an educational videos about Schizophrenia Spectrum and Other Psychotic Disorders and Personality Disorders and ASD.


Source:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmvLaT6ojaw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueaDPZqHNN0&t=76s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkiovEWs3G4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEE39Dm--nk&t=22s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDMFQrwa6zs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMtcC8V9YiY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4614UCy2-5c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx-_Obo9RuY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlI7Cr-G4Bw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_WmCi0H6tY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpzMk5XDxHc&t=35s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vPdFavg7rE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I93-M8jnNSA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHQ_fFR9Jt4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIuvPYqX8mo

IMPORTANT INFORMATION:

People on the Schizophrenia Spectrum have innocent psychotic state, while people with specific personality disorders have criminal psychotic state that can lead to an action if it does not get treated with therapy and medications.

It is rare for people on the Schizophrenia Spectrum to commit murder, but in rare cases none-personality disordered psychosis may cause you to commit crimes that you otherwise would not commit, while people with criminal psychotic state commit crimes for their own sadistic gain.

I think I might have mild and untreated form of Schizoaffective Disorder. Because I had a delusions that I killed another child when I was four years old. Those delusions lasted for ten years.

To be diagnosed with Schizophrenia takes six months of psychotic episode.

I once, long time ago, had hallucinations that I killed another child when I was four years old.